I Went Out Of Doors Again.

Instead of going to bed because my Benedryl is kicking in and I am finally getting sleepy, I am going to write a blog about two things.  The first is about something that made me angry and the second is that I went Out of Doors again.

The ice bucket challenge.  What was the goal?  Raise awareness and money for ALS.  Did it accomplish the goal?  Why, yes it did!  I am so sick of hearing people say it is stupid to dump ice on your head because that is not going to cure anything.  OF COURSE IT WILL NOT CURE ANYTHING.  Neither does putting yourself through hell for a 3 day Breast Cancer walk and neither does a 5K for Diabetes.  The point is to get people talking about it, and MOST people who are not jerks make the video and donate money anyway.  This is proven by the fact that ALS donations have increased very significantly from last year to this year.  Criticize it all you want, it worked and did exactly what it was supposed to.  Very few people are actually saying “I choose ice over donating”.  The ice water videos are funny and fun, and so we laugh and we get to see celebrities (and who doesn’t love celebrities?) and we get to pick on friends AND we are suddenly saying the name ALS a lot more AND we are donating money to them AND we suddenly find out “Hey, my high school classmate’s dad died of this, I didn’t know that” AND this is what we call a win.  Naysayers can shove it.  I have never done a Diabetes walk because I know that I can sit on my ass right here and donate the exact same amount of money, but if someone is going to go for a walk to benefit me, more power to them.

Also, I would like to take this moment to publicly apologize to my friend Mary, whose point is that it is stupid if you choose to do the ice bucket INSTEAD of donating.  I absolutely agree with that.  I just think most of the videos are from people who donate AND do the video.  This picture is for Mary.

IMG_9963

Dogs for Mary.

On a happier note, I unexpectedly went Out of Doors tonight when AJ and I decided to walk in the Metroparks after dinner.  We went into the woods.  It was lovely.  I was attacked by a buzzing insect.  It buzzed at me and crawled on me and AJ did not believe me, but it did that twice.  Here are a series of pictures from the attack.  That is right, there is photographic evidence.  That is because I was taking a picture of the trees before I was attacked, and while I was attacked, I was swinging my phone at the bug, and it ended up taking a bunch of pictures.

IMG_0001

Before the attack.

IMG_0002

In the midst of the attack.

IMG_0003

The height of the attack.

IMG_0004

The end of the attack.

We heard an owl hoot, and we saw two cardinals, and then I saw a deer and that made me really happy.  I talked to the deer and he came towards me and AJ ran and said I was making him cranky.  Then the deer had a friend, but they did not come near me anymore.

But look, we went into the actual woods.  REAL WOODS.  Sort of.  Mostly.

IMG_0005

Real woods.

Here I am in the Real Woods.

IMG_9999

This is not a selfie.

I Still Hate Grasshoppers.

I have mentioned before that I really hate grasshoppers, for instance, here.  I just hate them.  They jump and fly at the same time and they land and you can hear them and it is all just wrong.  So naturally, they seem to flock to me.  I was driving home one night about a week ago and looked at the side mirror on the passenger side of my Hamster Car, and this is what I saw:

IMG_9836

 

Just, right there.  Like it was nothing.  Sitting on my car.  As if it belonged.  IT DOES NOT BELONG.   Then last night I stopped to get gas and was held hostage and could not get back in my car because of this bastard:

I shuffled around outside of my car, flapping and walking back and forth, until it finally hopped/flew away.  And the video, that right there is the zoom feature, I was NOT that close to that thing.

And you know what else sucks about grasshoppers?  The thing I hate about grasshoppers is that I also hate crickets, and Disney went and made Jiminy Cricket whose name suggests he is a cricket, but whose appearance suggests he is a grasshopper.  There is probably some explanation involving Science and entomology, but I do not care.  Crickets are black and grasshoppers are green and Jiminy Cricket is a grasshopper.

Here is Jiminy:

images

Here is a cricket:

images-1

Not the same.

Also, there is a hat that is stalking me that appeared out of nowhere in 2010 and keeps reappearing.  I went to NYC in 2010 and when I got home, in my luggage, was this hat.

IMG_9829

 

That is not my hat, nor is it the hat of anyone I know.  I left the hat in the luggage because I thought it was weird and maybe had bugs in it or was a plant of some kind to spy on me, or possibly even an explosive device.  It stayed in the luggage for maybe two years.  Then one day, I was pulling random things off the floor of my closet, and the hat came out.  The luggage was not there, just the hat.  The luggage was empty in my parent’s room and the hat was well buried under piles of clothes and shoes.  I put Satan’s Hat into the bottom of a tall laundry basket and stuffed clothes that I was going to get rid of on top of it.  Of course, I never got rid of those clothes, because that is how I am. So the laundry basket stayed there, with Satan’s Hat buried underneath.  Months later, the hat was sitting on the desk in my library.  I put the hat way under my bed (why I thought having Satan’s Hat under my bed was a good idea, I have no idea), and it stayed there, even after my rooms were thoroughly cleaned.  About a week after the thorough cleaning of my rooms, this is what I found:

IMG_9828

 

Oh, you might say, your parents are messing with you.  BUT NO, THEY ARE NOT.  My parents do not know about Satan’s Hat.  Ok, then, you will say, the person who cleaned your rooms moved the hat.  If that were the case, why did it show up a week after she left?  The only answer is Satan.  I need to set the hat on fire or have a priest fling holy water at it or something.

I am getting a new tattoo on Wednesday, one I have been trying to get designed for many years, and the artist who is designing has not yet sent me any pictures.  I have a feeling I am going to show up Wednesday and he is going to say “Here it is!” and I will be too embarrassed to say I do not like it or want it changed, and I will get it tattooed on my arm forever.  Although, not really.  I had no qualms about asking for adjustments after my Extraordinary Girl tattoo was designed.  I guess even I am not awkward enough to not speak up about something that is permanent.

My Mom Went Zip Lining.

We have this place called Zip City near us, and they have trampolines and zip lining.  I have bounced at a trampoline place before and it was really fun, but this one was way too crowded.  We went with my  nieces and my brother and my sister in law, and my mom declared she was going to do the zip line.  My mom is bad ass!

Here is proof:

Apparently she closed her eyes and screamed the whole way down, but I do not think you can hear that in the video.

An amazing miraculous person said she was looking for odd jobs to get some vacation cash, and I said hey, any chance you want to clean my rooms in exchange for money?  She did, and I cannot believe the difference.  Remember, 10 years of living on my own in fairly large apartments, and now I live in two extremely small bedrooms – that is a LOT of downsizing.  And I needed to downsize even more to make my rooms functional.  So Deanna came and worked a miracle and my rooms are now functional and organized and I no longer look like a hoarder.  I have a newfound lease on life by having functional rooms.  The only thing that does not function is the window shade, and that means I have to hide in strange ways when I get dressed, but that is ok.  If I were to pull the shade down, the whole thing would fall down.  So my dad has to take it off and rearrange the level or something, and then put it back up.

I am going to update my Dogs Eating Peanut Butter videos, so keep an eye on that.

I had to take a LOT of Klonopin because earlier tonight I heard a bunny being murdered by a hawk and it was the most awful thing ever.  The bunny was screaming.  I ran outside and did not see anything, so I ran to the porch and told my mom what I heard, and this is how powerful my ability to black things out is – she said I heard that noise before and we figured out what it was, but that if I did not remember, she did not want to tell me.  But then I remembered and it was horrible and a lot of flapping ensued, as did rocking, as did Klonopin taking.

I am rereading the whole Harry Potter series to prepare for Harry Potter trivia on July 31st. I have doubts about whether I will make it through the last two books, and those are the ones I have the least detailed memories about.  I probably should have started at the end and read backwards, that would have made a lot more sense.

Also we had a sleepover at work to raise money for charity, and this is what happens when you involve yoga items and rollerblades and a very large area:

 

 

My Mom Wants Me To Eat Dog Treats.

My mom reads Guideposts and there is almost always an article that is in some way going to save my life.  This time the article was about a man and his dog named Vinny, and Vinny developed Diabetes and there were no treatments that were working and Vinny was basically dying a horrible slow death.  So the guy goes to sleep one night and wakes up and starts writing down ingredients, and he goes out and gets those ingredients, mixes them up, feeds them to the dog, and the dog became his old self and lived another 5 years or something.  So now the guy makes dog treats called Dia-Treaties (get it?) for dogs with Diabetes.  My mom wants me to eat these.  She got so excited about them, she called the man and interrogated him (to his credit, he is extremely nice and sincere), and he said they want to try it on humans.  It is still being tested for the FDA, but in the meantime, my mom literally wants to buy these dog treats and have me eat them.  So this is the e-mail I sent to the guy to at least find out what ingredients are in the dog treats.

“Hi there,

My mom would like me to eat your dog treats. I am a Juvenile Diabetic (for 22 years) and am on an insulin pump, completely insulin dependent. I am extremely wary of any supplements or “natural remedies” because my pancreas is a nonfunctioning organ and I do not believe there is any natural cure for Type 1 Diabetes. My mom is very excited and hopeful about your product, and talked to Kameron on the phone, but I am still skeptical.

Could you send me a list of the ingredients and are you actually testing this product on humans?

Thank you,
Darcy”

Also, my mom left the oven on…again…and when she got home my dad said “I figured it would be alright if I turned the oven off”.  My mom said “Shut up and go upstairs”.  My dad said “No really, I thought it would be ok”.  My mom said “Hold the railing and go up the stairs, leave me alone”.  My dad said “Ok, but when we get a new oven you are going to….” and my mom said “I know, Kenneth, hold the railing and go upstairs to bed”.  My dad said “But you don’t understand, when we get the new oven, I won’t know if it’s on or not because….” and my mom said “Goodnight Ken, hold the railing and go upstairs”

This video is the end of that conversation, my mom’s voice is coming from the living room.

I am about to update the quotes section, so go check that out, too, before you leave.

Oh and I went Rock Hunting again this past weekend in the Out Of Doors and was significantly less successful than the first time and also the next day my calves would not work.  It hurt tremendously.  That did not happen the first time.

Sometimes I accidentally see news and I hate that because I spend weeks dwelling on whatever I saw and right now I am dwelling on an elephant who was treated horribly and then he was rescued and he cried and it made me cry because I am happy he was rescued but there are so many animals who are in horrible situations and they are sad and scared and it makes my heart hurt and it makes me panic and I cannot save all the animals and I need to because it is all I think about and it is really just horrible and I cannot stand it that I cannot save all the animals.  And even worse, I hate the people who treat animals badly.  I am a nonviolent person but the things I would do to people who mistreat animals in any way – I would be able to.  I could summon up that violence and make them suffer.  FIFTY YEARS this poor elephant was tortured.  Here is the link.  I mean, I suppose it is a happy story because he is rescued and being treated fantastically, but all I can dwell on is all the sad animals in the world.