Psychics And Stuff.

We had a psychic lady come to work and we each got to do a 10 minute tarot card reading.  Here is the thing about psychics.  I do not believe they know anything, but I desperately WANT to believe they know things, so I have spent money to see them on occasion.  Sometimes it is pretty impressive, for instance, I saw a psychic guy when I was between jobs, and I had JUST been hired at one job that I did not particularly want, but I needed health insurance.  He said “a new opportunity is going to come up and you need to embrace it”, and a few days later, Embrace called and offered me a job.  Now come on.  Who uses the word “embrace” that frequently?

Then I saw him again and everything he said was generic and not impressive.

But the thing about psychics is that they really, really want me to believe my dead maternal grandmother is hanging around me.  They desperately want this.  Every single one has said “You have a dead person who hangs around you, it’s a grandmother, on your mom’s side”.  That could be one of two people.  My mom’s actual mom, who deserted her kids when my mom was 3 and I never even met;  or the person who raised my mom whose parting words to my mom before she died were “I’m going to hell for the way I treated you, aren’t I?”  The only encounter I ever had with her was at someone’s funeral when she told my mom she had some ailment (I thought it was a gall bladder issue, but I don’t know for sure) and my mom said “Oh, I had that, it’s awful, I’m sorry” and then “grandma” grabbed me by the arm when my mom walked away and hissed something at me about my mom being self absorbed or selfish or something.  I was maybe 10 at the time, so at this point, the details are very vague.  All I know is:  a) arm grab was scary and b) hissing something about my mom was rude.  That was my encounter.  Now to some of my cousins, she is legit “grandma” – two of the siblings were treated very nicely, and two were not.  My mom and my Uncle Mike were on the “not” list.  No judgement, but what I am saying is that there is no way in hell either one of those women is hanging around me “keeping an eye on me and helping me in life”.

I desperately want my dead person to be Catharine, of course.  All I want is for a psychic to say to me “There’s a dead girl hanging around you” and then describe Catharine.  It has been 12 years since Catharine died and I am not exaggerating when I say I think about her every single day.  And not fleeting thoughts, either.  You might say I have not “moved on”, even a little bit.

So this last psychic that came to work.  She told me about a dead person hanging around me and guess what – it was grandma.  I said “Are you sure she’s hanging around me and not like, throwing things at me or something?” and she laughed and said “It’s not a perfect thing, let me try again” and she stared at me and she closed her eyes and up to this point, I had said nothing to her.  She laid out tarot cards, I think I picked a card or shuffled or something, but all she knew was my name….which she forgot by the end of the ten minutes anyway.  So she’s staring at me conjuring my dead people and I have lost all hope and she said there was a young lady hanging around, and that she can’t tell exactly what the relationship was but it was very close, and this wasn’t the first lifetime we had been close.  She said this young lady died unexpectedly and did not realize she was dead at first, it was that sudden.  She said that this person is intricately connected to me and remains a part of me, and that she thinks she’s in her 20’s.

Catharine and I always said we were soul mates, and that we had clearly been together in various forms throughout past lives.  That we had “one brain, one heart, three kidneys (four if you include her original dead one that was still shriveled up floating somewhere in her body), and one pancreas”.  Our friendship was instant and as natural as if we had grown up together.  I have never had the sense of knowing someone without ever asking like I did with Catharine.  She died when she was 27, and I would say it is accurate that she is and was intricately connected to me.

Prior to me going to my ten minute session with this lady, people came out of the room crying, talking about dead relatives and stuff.  I am not an emotional person and I do not cry.  I did not cry at this description of what was clearly Catharine hanging around me, but my eyes got watery and I said “REALLY??”  The psychic lady said that this person thinks it’s pretty funny when random things happen to me and that she has a hand in that – whether it is something as simple as misplacing keys and finding them in my hand, or something like me randomly walking in to Joshua Bell’s rehearsal and no one stopping me (she did not reference that incident specifically, she just said “bigger things that might not happen on a regular basis”).

She also said that my recent past shows a lot of deceit and deception (hello, AJ) and that is over and will not come back.  I am not sure if that means it is safe to stop circling the parking lot at the grocery store before I go in, to make sure AJ is not there, or if it just means I should still circle, but I will not run into him?  Anyway, she said I am going to meet someone who is the opposite of that and who values honesty and “quite frankly, unfiltered truth” as much as I do.  I like to think of myself as straight forward, but “unfiltered truth” also works.  But, I said, I do not date.  She said this does not have to be a romantic person, just a person.  I said ok.

That was the end of my ten minute psychic session.

Back when Catharine died, I went to see an “Indian spirit guide” who also told me that Catharine did not realize she was dead when she died.  I do not know if this is a common thing to say when young people die, or what, but I thought that was interesting.

Here is one of my favorite pictures of me and Catharine:

EPSON scanner image

Here is a picture of me and Mr. Meow Meow:

img_5347

And here are pictures of me and Embrace’s foster kitty, Eve.  Her brother is Adam.

img_5351 img_5355

 

I Like Deers.

Yes, I know the plural of deer is deer.  I know the plural of moose is moose and not mooses.  That is not going to stop me from saying deers and mooses.

Via Ask the Darcy:

My favorite food is venison tenderloin and it was not Jenna who asked you to butcher a deer. I love deer probably more than you do…….

Hi Chad 😉

It turns out, it was not Jenna who asked me to butcher a deer, it was Chad.

I like me a cheeseburger, and I love me some cows, so I understand this.  I believe, but I do not know for sure, but I believe that Chad hunts strictly for food and not just to kill things.  So I can respect that.  I could not do it myself, but like I said, I eat cows and chickens and pigs.  I justify it in my head by saying they are already dead, so someone might as well eat them.  I also try to justify it by buying happy dead chickens and happy dead cows.  And really, ultimately, I convince myself that what I am eating is not ACTUALLY a dead animal, but preservatives and fake things make to look and taste like a dead animal.

But – I could never in a million years actually shoot something myself.  The very thought makes me spazzy.  I love those videos where deers attack hunters.  I root for the deer.  But then, I have met Chad and he is nice, and I do not want him to be attacked by a deer. I am so conflicted.

This video is from my friend Mary’s house.  They have deer that come right up to them and they feed them peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  They do not pet them because of deer ticks, but look how cute.

I have two assignments for you.  First, my blog post yesterday with the poem my friend Erin wrote did not get nearly enough views, so please read it and then share it.  I think it is great!

Second, I have some pending Ask the Darcy items, but give me more.  You can submit anything, really.  Tell me to do something and I will probably do it and write a blog about it, send me a question, a word, a color, a picture (I don’t actually think you can send a picture), a thought – whatever – and I will write a blog about it.

And ya’ll know those words in blue are links, right?  You can click those.

neigh

Shel Silverstein And Erin Crilly For The Win.

Shel Silverstein wrote a poem called “Sick” about a kid who says she has all these ailments and can’t go to school, and then realizes it’s Saturday.  Read it, you’ll like it.

My friend Erin Crilly took that poem and rewrote it and I think it is brilliant.  I present to you, Erin’s Version of Sick (with her thank you to Shel Silverstein at the end).  I think you should share this post, too, so other people can read this.

I cannot go to work today
This dark November non holiday
We’ve got the weasels and the rumps
A slash, a bash, and purple slumps
My mouth is wet, my throat is dry
Seems we’re going blind in all our eyes
The voters lined up ’round the blocks
They’ve counted 260 electoral votes
And there’s one more, that’s 270
Now don’t you think our face looks green?
My heart is cut, it’s battered and blue
This could be avionic flu
I’m sure the big old system’s broke
We beg and plead, it must be a joke
What happened to our life of hope?
Our eyes they judge us by our skin
We avoid those who are out, not in
Our country’s wrenched, our morals sprained
We will regret this vote each time it rains
With hearts so cold and tongues gone numb
We’ve more than a sliver in our thumb
It’s a view so stiff, a voice so weak
We will hardly whisper when we speak
As our hearts pour out our mouth
And relationships have fallings out
America, your spine ain’t straight
Your temperature reads of hate
Your brain is shrunk, you cannot hear
The voice projected of hate and fear
You’ve elected another virus, and your heart is—what?
What’s that? What’s that you say?
You say I need my job my home my pay?
Then I guess I put on my pantsuit and go anyway.

(Thank you Shel Silverstein)

Emails From My Dad.

My dad likes to email me at work with information. It could be that he opened my mail at home and feels I need to know something immediately, or that my cat has 7 cans of food left.

Here are some of our email exchanges.

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Thursday, October 13, 2016 11:41 AM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Cat food

HI!!

Your cat food inventory consists of nine cans.

Dad

On Thu, Oct 13, 2016 at 11:41 AM, Darcy Lindner wrote:

Thank you.  What does your Pop Tart inventory consist of?

Darcy

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Thursday, October 13, 2016 11:49 AM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Re: Cat food

16 peanut butter(not chocolate covered)
8 blueberry
8 cinnamon
8 cherry
3 chocolate chip
3 orange
6 cinnamon stripe

Dad

On Thu, Oct 13, 2016 at 11:50 AM, Darcy Lindner wrote:

I forwarded your email on to several people, and they have this question:  What is cinnamon stripe?

Darcy

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Thursday, October 13, 2016 12:04 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Re: Cat food

HI!!

It is actually ” cinnamon roll”. It  has icing stripes on the tart.

Dad

_______________________________________________________________________

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Monday, October 03, 2016 1:31 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Reminders

Hi Darcy!!

Did you remember to pay the $40 something bill that is sent to collections?
Did you remember to pay me the two house cleaning bills and the $250 rent??

Dad

On Mon, Oct 3, 2016 at 1:40 PM, Darcy Lindner <djl@embracepetinsurance.com> wrote:

You should see a transfer of $610 from your pay pal account to your bank account.  That’s three 130’s (one was still in there from the last time) plus a 250.

Darcy

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Monday, October 03, 2016 1:45 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Re: Reminders

Hi!!

Thanx for the quick response. You failed to wish me a “Happy New Year” this morning. (This was on Rosh Hashanah)

Dad

_______________________________________________________________________

On Tue, Sep 27, 2016 at 5:06 PM, Darcy Lindner wrote:

If mom plans to go to a store tonight, could you ask her to buy Sun Chips – Harvest Cheddar?  I need these desperately.

Darcy

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Tuesday, September 27, 2016 5:35 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Re:

She is out casinoing. She will not be out shopping.

Dad

On Tue, Sep 27, 2016 at 5:35 PM, Darcy Lindner wrote:

Ok, I am going to stop at the store on the way home, need anything?

Darcy

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Tuesday, September 27, 2016 5:50 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Re: Re:

Your mother will be doing shopping in the near future.
Speaking of the weather; if it rains does the race car still go?
(this is in reference to a birthday gift we got for my mom – a ride in a race car)

Dad

________________________________________________________________________

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Tuesday, August 30, 2016 4:13 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Your new account debit balance

Hi Darcy!!

With the future $900 pay pal is crediting my account;Minus $592 taxes;
$250 rent leaves $58 credited against your $724 debit leaving your account at debit balance of $666.

Dad

On Tue, Aug 30, 2016 at 4:13 PM, Darcy Lindner wrote:

THAT IS THE NUMBER OF SATAN.

Darcy

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Tuesday, August 30, 2016 4:20 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Re: Your new account debit balance

Hi!!

Then pay more on your account to change the $666.

Dad

_______________________________________________________________________

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Thursday, June 23, 2016 5:00 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Peanut Butter Pop Tarts

Hi Darcy!!

I just made a super purchase!!
Amazon had six count subject pop tarts for $3.99 to $5.99 each plus delivery charge.
I purchased eight count packages from “Target’ for $1.97 each. For free delivery I had to purchase 13 boxes for a total of $25 delivered to our house..
Am I nutty as the peanut butter pop tarts??
Ps Neither “Heinens” or “Walmart” stock them.

Dad

________________________________________________________________

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Friday, August 26, 2016 5:28 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Dogs

Hi!!

The lady on my television set says today is “National Dog Day”.

Dad

On Fri, Aug 26, 2016 at 5:28 PM, Darcy Lindner wrote:

Does that mean I can bring one home?  How about a kitten?? OMG CAN I BRING A KITTEN HOME FOR THE weekend?

Darcy

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Friday, August 26, 2016 5:30 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Re: Dogs

NO!!
I definitely think part of my  coughing is due to allergy to cats.

Dad

From: Darcy Lindner
Sent: Friday, August 26, 2016 5:31 PM
To: ‘Ken Lindner’
Subject: RE: Dogs

But the kitten is tiny.

Darcy

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Friday, August 26, 2016 5:32 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Re: Dogs

NO!!!!!!!!

_______________________________________________________________________

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Monday, August 22, 2016 4:23 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: vol/mouse in wall

Hi Darcy!!

I have purchased two cans of “Rodent Sheriff” today. It will be here in about one week. I hope it keeps the rodent in the wall from wanting to live here.

Dad

 

_______________________________________________________________________

On Tue, Aug 23, 2016 at 12:20 PM, Darcy Lindner wrote:

Lindsey wants to know if you know this guy:  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeff_Chandler
Her grandma loved him.  I said his original name is “Ira Grossel”, so you must know him, because you keep track of all the Jewish people.

Darcy

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Tuesday, August 23, 2016 12:27 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Re:

Sure!!
Jeff Chandler was in westerns and other films.
The “Rodent Sheriff” has shipped.

Dad

________________________________________________________________________

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Wednesday, August 03, 2016 5:36 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Ms. Lucky

Hi Darcy!!

At what time does subject dog eat??
(this is about a dog we were dog sitting)

Dad

________________________________________________________________________

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Wednesday, August 03, 2016 11:30 AM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Income Tax

Hi Darcy!!

Stop spending money on things that are not important to you health!!
IRS sent you a notice that you owe $592 in back taxes from year 2014(not last year)
The reason seems to be the $10833 you took out of “UBS” retirement account.
Money due 8/31/16. Evidently not enough was withheld by “UBS”.

Dad

From: Darcy Lindner
Sent: Wednesday, August 03, 2016 11:51 AM
To: ‘Ken Lindner’
Subject: RE: Income Tax

Damn it, UBS.
I can pay that, don’t worry.

Darcy

_________________________________________________________________________

On Mon, Jun 13, 2016 at 5:05 PM, Darcy Lindner

Did mom find any spiders in my bed?
(This is when I thought there were spiders in my bed.  There weren’t.)

Darcy

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Monday, June 13, 2016 5:10 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Re:

No!!

Your bedding is now completely washed  and dried. Your mother is going out shortly to buy a new mattress cover and then put your bed in sleeping condition.

Dad

_________________________________________________________________________

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Friday, June 03, 2016 3:23 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Car Insurance

Hi Darcy!!

You received a car insurance bill for $143.69 due June 15. It does not state the time period it covers. It could not be for one month or six months.

Dad

_________________________________________________________________________

On Wed, May 18, 2016 at 3:59 PM, Darcy Lindner wrote:

Dear Dad,

May I please have this kitten?
kitten

Love, Darcy

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Wednesday, May 18, 2016 4:03 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Re:

Sorry!!

You know the answer. Between me being allergic and being driven nuts by Mr. Meow, the answer is obvious.

Dad

From: Darcy Lindner
Sent: Wednesday, May 18, 2016 4:17 PM
To: ‘Ken Lindner’
Subject: RE: Re:

But….she’s smiling.
kitten-2

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Wednesday, May 18, 2016 4:18 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Re:

NO!!!!!!

_________________________________________________________________________

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Monday, April 11, 2016 5:17 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: 9″X13″ glass pans(2)one brown glass and one clear glass

Hi Darcy!!

We are missing the above. I know you took food to work in at least one of them and never brought it or them back home.
Please round them up and remember to return them to their rightful location.
Please confirm!!!

Dad

From: Darcy Lindner
Sent: Monday, April 11, 2016 5:44 PM
To: ‘Ken Lindner’
Subject: RE: 9″X13″ glass pans(2)one brown glass and one clear glass

I have one of them at work, I’m not sure which one.  But only one, not two!

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Friday, April 15, 2016 12:07 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: third reminder

Hi Darcy!!

Remember your mothers’ glass dish. Even though you are going to a wedding practice;you can still put it in your car.We are now down to three cans of cat food.

Dad

On Mon, Apr 18, 2016 at 1:40 PM, Darcy Lindner wrote:

I downloaded the ancestry.com app, and I started looking at it last night.  Be prepared for many questions about your great grandparents and stuff when I get home tonight.

Darcy

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Monday, April 18, 2016 2:27 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Re:

Hi!!

Before you ask questions I probably can’t answer , please bring the glass pan home!!

Dad

From: Ken Lindner

Sent: Tuesday, April 19, 2016 6:59 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Reminder

Hi!

They say nine times is a charm.
Please bring home the glass dish!!

Dad

_________________________________________________________________________

On Fri, Apr 1, 2016 at 1:51 PM, Darcy Lindner  wrote:

Can I have a dog?  PLEASE CAN I?  I’ll walk him and take him to work with me and his name is Hamilton and I love him.  PLEASE CAN I HAVE THE DOG????
hamilton

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Friday, April 01, 2016 1:56 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Re: Car insurance

I know. April fools day!!
Ha.Ha

Dad

On Fri, Apr 1, 2016 at 1:56 PM, Darcy Lindner  wrote:

You wish!  I’m totally serious!  He’s going to be about 90 pounds.  I love him.  I can’t even stand it I love him so much.

Darcy

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Friday, April 01, 2016 2:04 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Re: Car insurance

Sorry!!  If I wanted a dog we would have had one a while back. Enjoy Mr. Meower. He is great!!

Dad

Happy Birthday To Me!

The month of October is super exciting for me for many reasons.  I am going to see Green Day on the 23rd, my cat won a photo contest and gets to have a photo session on the 16th, it is the 10th birthday of my company that I love, it is my 40th birthday (on the 10th) and I got to go to the zoo and get a behind the scenes tour and that is what this blog is about.

At the buttcrack of dawn on Sunday, my dad and I drove to the Cleveland Metroparks Zoo.  My mom and brother and sister in law bought a tour for us that started at 9:30am.  We thought the parking lot would be empty, because the zoo doesn’t open till noon, but there was a Breast Cancer event there, so, as my dad put it, there were “tens of millions of cars”.  We parked “at least 20 miles away”.  I caught a ton of Pokemon because there are a lot of Pokestops at the zoo and lots of Pokemon.

We went to the building and had to fill out forms saying it was ok if we were mauled and killed by animals, and that we would not sue the zoo.  Then it asked us essay questions, which my dad refused to answer, and I wrote a lot of answers to.  One of the questions was about things humans do to endanger wildlife – I had a field day with that one.

Our tour guide came and got us and we were the only two people so that was pretty awesome.  We started out by meeting Crikey, the wallaby.  His mom died when he was a baby, so he was raised by the zoo people and he is an ambassador.  We fed him and we were allowed to pet him and he hopped and it was really cute.

img_4971 img_4974

We also met a raven named Kilimanjaro.  We were not allowed to pet him, but he was very smart and could do a lot of tricks.

We went through the building to get to the golf cart thingy, and in the building we saw giant frogs and a turtle and a smaller frog.

THEN WE SAW GRIZZLY BEARS!  I am not allowed to post the pictures I took because see, the way it works is this:  they have a ginormous, really nice habitat area, but they also have a background area where they get vet care and things like that.  And basically it’s a place they can chill if they do not want to go out in the big enclosure.  But this area has bars, and they do not want you to take pictures of animals behind bars because it looks cruel, even though they are not actually in a cage.  It looks like they are, and you know, internet people can do bad things with pictures.  Anyway, the bears can sit, stand, shake – all kinds of things!  But only if they want to.  If they do not feel like it, that is fine.  If they feel like doing it, they get extra treats.  They are not forced to do anything.  They were over 500 pounds each and like, 8 feet tall.  We had to stand behind a railing but we were about three feet away from them!

Then we went to see Tom and Terry the tortoises and they are both 100 freaking years old!  Terry was not social, but Tom was.  I got to pet his arm and I think he liked it because he closed his eyes when I did.  Here is a picture of Terry with his head pulled into his shell, Tom with his head sticking out of his shell, and me and my dad with Tom. Terry used to be Mary but then they found out he is a boy and not a girl, and they got made fun of on Saturday Night Live.

img_5030 img_5032 img_5033

Then….WE WENT TO THE KOALA ENCLOSURE.  Omg.  First, do not get excited, they did not let me pet them.  BUT…three of them were backstage and one was out in the exhibit and I got some good pictures!  And we went out into the exhibit!  Like, people were looking at us on display!  The koala that was out there was asleep in a tree and I could not see him even though I was so close to him.  Here is what it looks like to be on exhibit at the zoo.

img_5040 img_5047 img_5051 img_5069

THEN – guess what?!  My friend Jen asked her friend who isan RVT at the zoo if he could let me meet an owl AND HE DID!  I got to see a Great Barred Owl in his house and he blinked a lot and it was very cute.  Then they took the Barn Owl (a smaller owl) out and I got to get SUPER close to her AND THEY LET HER FLY!  She flew from one person to the other, about ten feet apart.  Kevin, the RVT, was very nice and also he likes Harry Potter, so he is extra cool.

owl-2 owl

The night before I took my nieces and their friend (ages 13, 10 and 10) to a thing about nocturnal animals and we saw these owls.

img_4947 img_4949 img_4956

I also saw (and pet) these dogs:

img_4925 img_4926 img_4936 img_4942 img_4943

Then we went on a hike with a naturalist and it consisted of about 5 kids and 5 adults, and the naturalist lady was teaching stuff and asking questions and she said “Have humans adapted to live at night?” and the entire group said “no” at the same time that I SHOUTED enthusiastically “YES”.  They laughed because they thought I made a joke, but I had to ask my niece “What is she talking about?  I do plenty of stuff at night.  We drive at night, some people work at night…I don’t get it” and the 13 year old had to explain that the lady meant are we nocturnal and can we naturally see in the dark.  So that was special.

I caught a lot of Pokemon there, too.