William Shatner Challenged Me, And I Accepted.

I have a Shatner Card.  This is a Priceline credit card with his picture on it.  I had the option of getting a credit card WITHOUT his picture on it, but what would be the point in that?

They sent me a letter saying “We raised your credit limit, yay!”  They have no idea who they are dealing with.  I took that challenge and I ran with it.  I have bought so many tickets to things and so many Squishables and I love them all and with the Squishables, it is just really hard, because I want to snuggle them while I sleep at night but I have 13 of them now, and I cannot possibly just choose one, the others would get jealous.  Plus, my cat needs room to take up 95% of the bed.

It actually started with Mr. Folino and American Idiot.  My INTENT was to buy tickets to a few of the shows and see it a couple times.  What ended up happening was that I bought tickets for me and Sabrina the Human to see it every single time.  Sabrina the Human missed a couple shows, and I missed one, but that was it.  Somehow Sabrina the Human ended up in a conversation with Mr. Folino about my income and he asked what I do with all my money, and she said “She spends it on you.”  This is not inaccurate, but to be fair, it was American Idiot.  With Dan Folino.  If your credit limit were suddenly raised, you would have gone to every performance as well.

Then I decided that Sabrina the Human and my nieces needed to see Elf the Musical and the national tour of Annie.  Oh and then HEY!  Joshua Bell is coming in March!  I just bought one ticket so I can go alone because I prefer to enjoy the religious experience that is Joshua Bell by myself.  Then guess what?  Anthony Rapp extended his time in the national tour of If/Then, so I bought tickets to that.  In the front row.  I have a high credit limit, why sit in the cheap seats?  But I cannot possibly just see it once, noooooo.  So I bought another ticket.  And I am sure I will buy more.

Even better, the comedian David Cross is coming and I wanted to take my sister in law for a belated birthday gift, so I bought those tickets, too.  Annnnddddd….because I did not write ANYTHING in my calendar on my phone, it turns out I cannot go to see David Cross with her.  I think David Cross is hilarious.  The best role in any tv show ever was him as Elliot’s brother who fell out of a tree as a child and became…impaired.  I am not allowed to say the word that they used for him anymore.  So he lived his life as a special person when really, nothing was wrong with him, he was just too lazy to get a job and act like an adult.  Oh, this was all in the show Just Shoot Me.

That is some funny shit right there.

All that is to say, WIlliam Shatner should have known not to raise my credit limit.

Chicken pot Chicken pot Chicken pot pieeeee.

As Far As I’m Concerned….

I am going to do a quick insurance review.  Don’t worry about pet insurance, you do not need to understand that.  I am going to use the most basic example.

You own a home.  You have insurance for your home.  You pay a monthly amount for that insurance. Something happens to your home, and your insurance covers it.

That is how insurance works, yes?

So a lady calls in and says she is VERY angry with the way we run our sham of a business, and she wants all of her premiums (that is the amount you pay every month) refunded to her from May of 2015.  This is something no insurance company will do, unless they were in some way not actually providing you with insurance.  I look at her policy, we have covered her claims, and so I say “I’m sorry, what happened that was wrong?”  She tells me that we have not covered her claim, and that is what we are there to do, and we did not do it, so she wants a complete refund.

I looked at her claims again, and I said “Do you mean the claim from November?”  (I made up that month, I do not remember when the claim was from).  She says yes.  I said “But we covered that claim.”  Her response was “Well as far as I’m concerned, you didn’t.  So give me my refund.”

This has not happened before.  A lot of things have happened before, but this is not one of them.  I was thrown.  I can usually see where people are going with their self righteous anger and rage, and I can head them off at the pass, but I have never had someone tell me that as far as they were concerned, a thing that had happened had actually not happened.  It would be like if I said “My cat is a cat” and someone responded with “As far as I’m concerned, your cat is a canoe.”  I had nothing.  I needed to clarify.

“I’m sorry,” I said again, because in my job you have to apologize a lot.  “You do mean the claim from November, right?”  She said yes, that is the very claim that she means.  I say “I think there’s a misunderstanding, that claim was covered.”

She said that we did not let her know it was covered, so therefore, it was not covered.

“Oh I see” I said, thinking I made a breakthrough.  “We sent you an e-mail on December 10th, and it also updated on your portal.  I can resend that e-mail if you don’t remember it.”

I mean, obviously at this point, the ending is clear, right?  There really are not many routes this can take.

“No.  You did not tell me, so as far as I am concerned, you did not cover my claim and I want a full refund since you did not perform the service you were paid to do.”

“Just to clarify, the service we provide is to cover claims….and we covered that claim.  So…I mean…I’m sorry (really, a lot of apologizing)…but I can’t give you a refund because we did what we were supposed to do.”

“No, you didn’t and I am very upset.”

“You are upset because your claim was covered?”


“I mean…I don’t know…I…that is….”

“As far as I’m concerned, that claim was not covered.”

“I’m sorry (very sorry), but it isn’t a matter of opinion – the claim was covered and that is a fact.  It isn’t an opinion about whether or not it was covered.”

“Refund my money.”

“But…the claim…I mean it’s like…if your car insurance company paid a claim to you, they would not give you back all the premiums you paid to them.”

“I don’t care what my car insurance company would do.”

I was at a loss.  When I stutter, you know I am flailing.  I can deal with illogical people, unreasonable people, incorrect people, angry people, abusive people…but I cannot deal with someone who just says “Nope.”  How do you get around that?

“I am sorry (so amazingly, very sorry) that you are upset, but you pay us to cover claims, and we did cover your claim and I really can’t give you all of your money back since we covered your claim.”

“Then let me talk to someone who can.”

This is where it gets good.  I transferred her to my supervisor, and I listened in on the call.  I like to listen when things escalate to him because really, it should stop at me, that is my job.  So if I do not resolve the issue, I like to hear how it is resolved.  The leads in the call center and the contact center reps often listen to my escalation calls to learn the same things – how it could have been handled differently, or what approach I take.  And also, I wanted Chris to rip this woman a new one.  He never would and he never has, but I can dream.

She tells Chris that as far as she is concerned, the claim was not covered.  He listens patiently and tells her the same thing I did.  This upsets her greatly.

“What, are you all on the same level?  None of you have any decision making power?”

This is where Chris became my hero.

“I do have that power, I’m afraid the problem is that you just don’t like the answer.  We won’t be refunding your premium, and I am sorry (oh my god, soooooo sorrryyyyyyy) that you don’t like that decision, but the problem is not that I can’t make the decision, it’s that you don’t like the answer.”

So now she wants us to appeal it to the underwriter, who is the ultimate decision maker.  We (and by “we” I mean Chris) have to tell this giant company filled with millions of highly educated important people that a lady wants her money back even though she was fully insured for the whole period of time that she was paying us, and even though we covered her claim….because as far as she is concerned, we didn’t cover her claim.

My mom has taken this phrase and run with it.

“Did you feed Mr. Meow Meow?” I ask.
“As far as I’m concerned, Mr. Meow Meow is in the kitchen cooking right now.”

“What are you watching?
“As far as I’m concerned, there is a troupe of jesters performing in the backyard.”

“Are you going anywhere?”
“As far as I’m concerned, I am sprouting wings and flying over to Chris’s house.”

Sometimes she even just walks into my room and says “As far as I’m concerned…” and then bursts out laughing hysterically and leaves.

I would like to go to a restaurant, eat all the food, and then when I am supposed to pay the bill I will say “As far as I am concerned, I did not eat that food and I owe you nothing.”

But anyway, as far as I’m concerned?  The world is going to hell in a hand basket.


I Am Doctor Trucker.

The names and dates have been changed to protect the guilty and/or crazy.  But for real, we have no name and this happened a few weeks ago.

A lady called and talked to Jackie who is possibly one of the most calm and polite people on the phone.

The caller, who I will now refer to as Dr. Trucker, said that we are taking advantage of people (specifically truckers) by requiring a wellness check up in the past 12 months or within the first 14 days of the policy.  This is so we can establish a baseline for the pet’s health and is pretty standard in the pet insurance world.  Jackie explained that and Dr. Trucker said “Well that’s not on your website.”  (It is)  Jackie apologized – because a lot of times we have to apologize even though we are not wrong – and said that she would let The Powers That Be know that it should be more clear on the website.

Dr. Trucker said “You don’t understand, do you?” and Jackie said “I do, but unfortunately that is a requirement for the insurance, so I am not sure what to do.  I understand that you are upset about that requirement” and Dr. Trucker said “I’m not upset.  Do you hear tears through my headset?  I am not upset.  My vet recommended you.  I do not take my dogs to the vet and my vet says I shouldn’t take them to the vet because there’s no reason and they’ll just get sick if I take them in if they aren’t already sick.”

So Point #1 – the vet recommends us to their clients but tells their clients never to take their pets to the vet

Dr. Trucker continues berating Jackie, and Jackie continues to apologize very calmly, and finally says during a pause “I’m sorry I wasn’t able to help you, I hope you have a good night.” and she hangs up.  Dr. Trucker wanted to yell more, but Jackie took a very good opportunity and actually ended the conversation in a very polite manner, albeit sooner than Dr. Trucker wanted.

Two minutes later, Jackie’s phone rings.

“Hello Ms. *unintelligible*.  I just spoke to, how should I put this, a young child with no manners on the phone….

Jackie said “Yeah, that was me.”

Dr. Trucker wanted to talk to me, The Next Level.  I put on my most polite and understanding voice and said “Hi this is Darcy, how can I help you today?”  Dr. Trucker says “What is your last name, I do not call people by their first names.”  I told her, and then she never used my name at all, so there’s that.

Next Level

Dr. Trucker tells me about how her vet recommends not going to the vet, and that maybe for someone else having a wellness visit would be ok, but for her, she delivers “all of your clothes and car parts and food, I put a roof over your head, and I even deliver dog food that I won’t feed to my dogs because it is poison” and so obviously, she cannot be expected to take her dogs in for a wellness check up.  BUT she says….due to her medical qualifications, she treats her dogs herself if something goes wrong.  She calls her vet, who has never seen her dog, tells the vet what prescriptions she needs, and the vet gives them to her because he trusts her medical expertise.  The vet, she says, even wanted her to come perform exams at the vet’s office because of how much she knows!

Point #2 – The trucker has medical credentials that consist of not treating her dogs for anything

Point #3 – The vet who says no one should ever go to the vet wants her to be a vet there for all of the people who do not go to the vet

Point #4 – If you need some freaking drugs, call this vet.  Apparently all you need to do is be a truck driver and that gives you the ability to request whatever you want

I tell Dr. Trucker that I completely understand, not everyone likes to take their dogs to the vet, and in that case, it sounds like our insurance might not be the best option for her.  Dr. Trucker wanted me to understand more than that, though.  She wanted me to TRULY understand how awful it is to go to the doctor, for humans and dogs, because if you go, YOU WILL DIE.  She knows this because of her “medical qualifications” (her words, not mine).  She also said that it’s a waste of the vet’s time to take a pet to the vet, and we have no right to waste their time like that (never mind my time that was wasted for 10 minutes).

Dr. Trucker then wants to yell at me about this wellness exam requirement not being on the website, so I read word for word the very big part of our website that says “Your pet must have been to the vet in the past 12 months for a wellness exam.  If you have a new pet, or your pet has not been in the past 12 months, they must go within the first 14 days of the policy.”  She said that is not on the website, so we are misleading.  I said it is on the website, that is where I just read it.  She said I clearly don’t understand.  “I treat my dogs like wild animals, I don’t feed them food, I don’t take them to the vet, they are wild animals.”

I said “Ok.”

Dr. Trucker said “I have medical qualifications.”

I said “Ok.”

Dr. Trucker said “I have 1.5 million followers on Facebook and I am going to tell every one of them about this scam you are running, and how you want people to take their pets to the vet to make them sick.”

I said “Ok.”

She said “My vet doesn’t want dogs to come in, I don’t know why he recommends you.  He says never take your dogs to the vet.”

I said “Ok.”

“The only reason I would go to the vet is if my dog gets run over by another 18 wheeler.”

I said “Ok.”

“The only time you need to go to the vet is if you’ve fed your pet dog food, because it’s all laced with chemicals and poison.”

“I thought it was if they got hit by an 18 wheeler?”

The complete irony?  She was calling to ask about our Wellness plan, which covers routine and preventative care.


Amazon Failed Me BIG TIME.

UPDATE:  As of January 7th, 2016, I have FINALLY been charged for the gift cards and the recipients have received them!  Still working with Amazon on the details.  Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who shared this and helped me get this to the right people who were able to help!

On December 21st I ordered gift cards from amazon for my employees in the call center.  I painstakingly entered each of their e-mail addresses, wrote lovely notes for each of them, put in my credit card number and boom, Merry Christmas, Call Center!  Right!?  WRONG!  Because in the world of amazon, *whine* gift cards are harrrdddddd.  Oh and if you think you are going to get to the end of this blog and find a resolution, you are not, because amazon customer service sucks.

The gift cards were not sent and I was not charged.

On Dec. 23rd I chatted Ravi with amazon.com customer service chat.  Ravi said “Oh no problem, those will be delivered in 2-3 hours.”

I gave Ravi the benefit of the doubt and waited a few days, and then last Tuesday, the 29th (8 days after purchasing the gift cards) I talked to Tauwab.  Tauwab said “Oh you have to cancel that order and painstakingly enter each e-mail address and heartfelt message again.” to which I replied, “No way, YOU do it.”.  He said no.  So I did it.  He said the gift cards would be sent via e-mail within 2-3 hours.

Tauwab turned out to be as much of a lying punk ass as Ravi, so on the 30th, I talked to Dwarakesh.  Actually, that one might have been the chat with Vijayalakshmi.  I talked to them both.  Oh and Aldwin, we can’t forget Aldwin.  Here is where I got wise and started having the chat transcript e-mailed to me.  So here is part of my chat with the lovely Aldwin:

Aldwin:Thank you so much for patiently waiting.

Upon further checking on your gift card order. It seems that it was in the processing state and pending status.

Here’s what I can do to help you, I am going to refer this to our Gift Card Specialist for them to process your gift card order immediately.

Me:But that’s what the last guy did and nothing happened.

Or that’s what he said he did, at any rate

Aldwin:Oh, I see.

Me:I never get mad, like, ever. I am the world’s most accommodating and patient person. But this has been going on since the 21st. This is amazon! Everyone loves amazon and you like, own the world basically. I look like a jerk, these were supposed to be delivered to my staff and it’s been 9 days.

All the other departments in my company, their managers gave their people gifts, and my poor call center group is like “Darcy hates us”. But I don’t hate them, Aldwin! I don’t! I am REALLY upset!

Aldwin:I do understand you. As much as I love your gift card to be delivered right away the thing is our gift card specialist are the ones who are trained to handle this situation. Nothing to worry, I am going to refer this with our gift card specialist to check and process your order.

Me:Ok, and can I chat with them and like, sit here until someone tells me “Hey, I just got a gift card in my e-mail?”

Aldwin:The thing is our Gift Card Specialist does not have a phone or chat customer service they only response via email.

Yadda, yadda, then it went here:

Aldwin:There you go. I had successfully referred this to our Gift Card Specialist and they are already checking it and they will send you an email confirmation regarding the status of your gift card order.

You can expect their response within 24 hours.

Me:Ugh, what happened to what the other guy said – 1-2 hours? This is not ok!

I would like very much to speak to the gift card specialist.

Aldwin:As much as I love for you to speak to our gift card specialist the thing is they don’t have a phone or chat customer service they only reply via email.

Nothing to worry, I can absolutely assure you that this will be resolved within 24 hours.

Me:I know you are just doing your job, but who above you can I talk to? I can’t wait another 24 hours for these cards. Is there a Chat Manager?

Aldwin:I do understand you. In this case our Gift card specialist are the one who can help you regarding this. Even, my Manager will also say the same due to we use the same tools.\

Me:Then I want the direct email of the Gift Card Specialist.

Aldwin:You can just send your email here: cs-reply@amazon.com.

Me:That’s not a person, that’s a generic customer service email, I want a person.

You said yourself that customer service can’t help me, so sending an e-mail to a cs address won’t help, either.

Aldwin:As much as I love for you to be transferred to our Gift Card Specialist if you prefer may I please have your phone number.

Bastard is not going to get one over on me, I know a generic CS e-mail when I see it.  So I gave him my phone number and he said the elusive Gift Card Specialist would call me within a couple hours.  Guess who never called?

On New Year’s Eve, still nothing.  I chatted again and got Andrea who basically said “Hot damn, that’s a mess and it looks like the problem is with your bank, they aren’t accepting the charge.”  Well hey!  Progress!  So I say “Andrea, will you stay with me on this chat while I call my credit card company?”  She did.  The credit card people said that amazon has not even attempted to put a charge through, there are no holds on my account, I have $X,XXX available in credit, and the total amount of $170 would not be enough to ring any alarms.  CC people said “Nope, not us.”  And I believe them because they are not filthy liars like amazon.  So I tell Andrea this and she says “Yep, must be the processing on our end, I don’t know what to tell you but here’s a $10 credit to your amazon account.”

Then on January 1st, look how happy Dwarakesh made me:

Dwarakesh: I checked all the previous conversation, I apologize about the inconvenience that was caused in the previous orders, the order was in “pending verification” state all these days. But while checking the order was authorized and it is “Pending fulfillment state”. That means your card is verified and your Gift cards will be sent to your email in few hours.
Darcy: OH WOW! Oh that is amazing.

Look at my naive hope and joy!  Then it was January 3rd, and no gift cards.  I called upon the powers of Ralph.  I got saucy with Ralph.  I let Ralph know that this is NOT OK amazon.  NOT OK.  Ralph had a plan.

Ralph: I don’t know if my plans will work. The reason why it wasn’t changed, sent or received yet is that the numbers of gift cards in one order will really take time to process, like this one. 15 gift card orders. I know it’s been a long time already and it was supposed to be sent to the recipient already so probably there is a problem fulfilling this order. My other plan is to cancel the whole order and then place a new order, the same as like this as I can see here that this order is still fulfilling or still wait for another 24 hours for them all to be sent, otherwise after 24 hours we will cancel this one.
Darcy: Well, I did that once before and it didn’t work. Here is my plan, Ralph – I have waited an extremely long time for these “Christmas gifts” to be sent. It’s embarrassing at this this point. So what I want is for amazon to cancel the order, rewrite all the gift cards, and double the dollar amount of each one, while only charging me for the original amount. This is ridiculous. I am a VERY patient person. I mean, as you can see, I placed an order on Dec. 21st and it’s January 3rd and it’s taken me this long to get pissy about it. I already went through the process of rewriting each of those messages, and typing in each of those email addresses – I am not going to do that again. Amazon can do it. And again, DOUBLE the amount on each card without charging me for it. This was a gift from me to my staff and I look like an absolute jerk right now. It needs to be fixed and I am not going to be the one to do the work for it. Put them through one at a time if you have to, I don’t care if I have 15 separate charges. And if 15 gift cards is so difficult to handle, the limit for how many a person can order at a time should be lower.
Ralph: I will send this one to our Gift card Department so that they can fix this one for you.We cannot place a new order for our customers.For some security purposes.
That is why I suggested it Darcy.
Darcy: Ok people have done that before, too, and nothing was resolved. Someone took my phone number and told me the “gift card specialist” would be calling me within a few hours, and no one ever called me.
Ralph: I have passed this mail to our senior authorities of our concern department with high priority, so that they will take strict action against them, so that this type of inconvenience will not have to face by a customer like you.

I disconnected with Ralph and Marvin called me.  Marvin is not a native English speaker.  I mean, really, none of these people are.  I told Marvin that he was going to put the order through while I was on the phone, and he was going to double the amount.  Marvin said no can do.  I said “Then you will add $10 to the amount of each gift card” and Marvin said “I can do that.  So the ones for $10 you want to be $20, and the ones for $20 you want to be $30?”  I said yes.  Marvin put me on hold and came back and said it is done.  8-10 hours.

GUESS WHAT?????  Nothing.  Not only that, but I went to the amazon chat again, and started off by saying I needed to talk to a manager.  The manager not only cannot fix any of it, has zero record of my phone call with freaking Marvin, but also IS NOT A MANAGER.

Initial Question: I will need to speak to a manager right away, can you please connect me to one?

Amazon: Thank you for contacting Amazon.com Chat Support, my name is Renell. One moment please while I have you transferred. May I ask the reason you would like a manager please?

Yadda yadda, skip skip skip…

Amazon: So what I would recommend is to cancel and reorder due to the fact that a reason for the delay is not given.
Darcy: Ok, I did that once already and it didn’t work. Also, Ralph said yesterday that he would add $10 to each gift card and not charge me (or send an additional $10, I’m not sure which), and I don’t want to lose that. If I have to give my staff obscenely late gifts, I want to get all that I can for them. The original order was placed on 12/21, and on either 12/23 or 12/24 I was told to cancel it and reorder it. The order you see now is the one pending from that transaction.
Oh I talked to Marvin, not Ralph.
Amazon: Okay I understand.  did you contact your bank relating to this?
Darcy: Yes (explains what the bank said)
Amazon: Okay so I can’t really say much relating to this and I wouldn’t want to speculate so i would have to have this escalated for further research to see if this is something other customers have been experiencing.

Darcy: So in the meantime, what should I do? Cancel and reorder? Will everyone still get the extra $10?
Amazon: I’m seeing that two gift order place on Monday, December 21, 2015.
Darcy: Yes – the one order for just two gift cards was fine. It’s the one for 15 that isn’t working.
Amazon: Why not try doing it in reduced amount.
Darcy: Ok. I’m also going to have them sent to myself so I don’t have to retype so many email addresses. But about the extra $10 per card…
Amazon: Well I cant really say much about that I would to check on that for you.
Darcy: I’m not ok with that. Too many people have promised to check on things, send things, call me back – and none of it ever happens. I need whatever is going to happen to happen now and be resolved. This has become 2-3 hours of my day almost every day since 12/21. I am not an entitled person, and I will always accept mistakes without saying “You owe me now”. But damn does amazon owe me. Amazon is like, the biggest company in the world. You have drones and robots and a million orders a day. It took me a good week of all of this before I said “Hey, you need to give me something”, and then a week after that I said “You need to give me more”.
I have a staff of 15 people who think I’m a jerk. Amazon owes THEM.
Darcy: I mean, I’m not a jerk, they think I’m a jerk because of this gift card nonsense.
Darcy: Yesterday I told Ralph whose name is not actually Ralph that he should give me these gift cards and not charge me, and he said he couldn’t do that, but he agreed to add $10 to each card. Someone has to finally stick by what I was told.
Amazon: I understand what you are saying and I must apologize but unfortunately I can’t proceed in issuing as that is not warranted. I know how frustrating this may seem especially since you were promised however there is no notation of that on your account.
Darcy: I knew it. Marvin R. sent me follow up emails that were supposed to confirm what we talked about on the phone, and he sent me nonsense about amazon prime and how sometimes amazon will upgrade to two day shipping. Don’t you guys record phone calls? We record all of our calls where I work. I can tell you the exact time, and phone number, and Marvin R.
Amazon: I’m going to have a ticket filed on your behalf.
Darcy: Not one single person there has followed through on what they said except for Andrea, and the customer service experience has been awful. If this happened in my call center, soooo much firing. There is no follow through, your people make promises that they don’t keep, they refuse to let me talk to this alleged god-like “Gift card specialist” and say he’ll call me and he never did. How many tickets are already filed on my behalf?
Darcy: And NONE OF THEM can write properly. NONE. You have the chat logs. Go back to the beginning and look at the first person who told me they’d be delivered in 2-3 hours, and the next person who said 24 hours and the next person who said cancel and order again and it will just be a few hours, and the next person…..NO ONE knows what they are talking about there and I am angry. I cannot tell you how hard it is to get me angry. Those gift cards should have been in the inboxes on 12/21. It is freaking January 4th. THIS IS NOT OK AMAZON.
Darcy: Who is the absolute highest person there that I can talk to? Maybe not now, but during regular business hours? At my company, it’s in the customer bill of rights that someone can talk to the CEO if they want – do you have that? Can I talk to the CEO?
Amazon: i can request a manager call back on your behalf.
The ticket was successfully filed.
Darcy: I want someone higher than a manager. You were supposed to be a manager, that’s what the person who transferred me said. Are you not a manager?
Darcy: Are you a manager?
Amazon: No I’m actually a supervisor mangers only provide call backs.
Darcy: Ok, see, that sucks because Renell said he/she was going to transfer me to a manager. Who is higher up than a manager? Do you have a director of customer satisfaction?

And the bottom line is no, there is not a single human at amazon.com who can be named or e-mailed.  Do you want to take bets as to whether or not the call center will see these gift cards before next Christmas?


Do me a favor and post this everywhere and tag amazon in it.

Kielbasa, Bologna, And Colonel.

I am so annoyed because before I fell asleep the other night, I had a great blog idea, and now I have ZERO idea what it was.  Like, beyond zero.  I know that it was for a link at the top, not a blog post, so I guess that is .001% of an idea.  OH MY GOSH I JUST REMEMBERED WHAT IT WAS.  I am not even kidding.  And IT IS a brilliant idea!  Ok, well thank you for that.  You have all helped tremendously. If you are standing next to someone right now, or sitting next to them, tell them to pat you on the back and tell you that you did a good job.

I Benedryl purchased a tee shirt that says “This Girl Loves Green Day.”  I could probably shoot heroin and it would not affect me like Benedryl does.  I have written blogs that I could not remember while on Benedryl, I bought my mom some books while on Benedryl.


Ok, I am back.  That part was just on the Harry Potter marathon that happens every other weekend on ABC Family, and I have to shout it every time, but there is no one here to shout with.

I have looked up the etymology of kielbasa, bologna and colonel and I realize why they are pronounced the way they are, but it still pisses me off.  Even knowing the history does not help me accept the pronunciation.  They all came from combinations of other words, basically, and so the spelling and pronunciation became different.  That is stupid, though, it is like saying “I know your name is spelled Darcy, but I am going to pronounce it Daniel because that is a word I know.”

I keep a list of things that I think of that I want to write a blog about, and I have this in the notes on my phone – “what my dad is thinking rapid succession blinking Indian noise thumping first can’t figure it out third can but don’t care.”  I do not know what any of that means.  I know I wrote it.  I know at one point it made sense to me.  My other notes make sense to me.

During the Harry Potter marathon, I have been subjected to people making me feel guilty about children with no food, elephants and ivory, and abused animals.  I feel bad enough about these things on a daily basis without having visual reminders while I am trying to enjoy my time at Hogwarts.  I mean, I guess I hope it makes other people feel guilty who do not normally feel guilty, and then they will give their money to these causes, but there should be some sort of censor that makes people who need to curl up in the fetal position and cry every time one of these commercials come on safe from viewing them.  Do you want to watch the version of Harry Potter for cold hearted jerks, or for sensitive, guilt ridden people?

Billie Joe Armstrong and Mike Dirnt opened a coffee place, and I saved this picture so that every time I turn my phone on, Billie is offering me coffee.  It makes me happy.


Also, I kicked my brother’s ass at Scrabble, and his dog was watching.  Here is Cindy throwing some shade at my brother because she is disappointed in him.