My Mom Went Zip Lining.

We have this place called Zip City near us, and they have trampolines and zip lining.  I have bounced at a trampoline place before and it was really fun, but this one was way too crowded.  We went with my  nieces and my brother and my sister in law, and my mom declared she was going to do the zip line.  My mom is bad ass!

Here is proof:

Apparently she closed her eyes and screamed the whole way down, but I do not think you can hear that in the video.

An amazing miraculous person said she was looking for odd jobs to get some vacation cash, and I said hey, any chance you want to clean my rooms in exchange for money?  She did, and I cannot believe the difference.  Remember, 10 years of living on my own in fairly large apartments, and now I live in two extremely small bedrooms – that is a LOT of downsizing.  And I needed to downsize even more to make my rooms functional.  So Deanna came and worked a miracle and my rooms are now functional and organized and I no longer look like a hoarder.  I have a newfound lease on life by having functional rooms.  The only thing that does not function is the window shade, and that means I have to hide in strange ways when I get dressed, but that is ok.  If I were to pull the shade down, the whole thing would fall down.  So my dad has to take it off and rearrange the level or something, and then put it back up.

I am going to update my Dogs Eating Peanut Butter videos, so keep an eye on that.

I had to take a LOT of Klonopin because earlier tonight I heard a bunny being murdered by a hawk and it was the most awful thing ever.  The bunny was screaming.  I ran outside and did not see anything, so I ran to the porch and told my mom what I heard, and this is how powerful my ability to black things out is – she said I heard that noise before and we figured out what it was, but that if I did not remember, she did not want to tell me.  But then I remembered and it was horrible and a lot of flapping ensued, as did rocking, as did Klonopin taking.

I am rereading the whole Harry Potter series to prepare for Harry Potter trivia on July 31st. I have doubts about whether I will make it through the last two books, and those are the ones I have the least detailed memories about.  I probably should have started at the end and read backwards, that would have made a lot more sense.

Also we had a sleepover at work to raise money for charity, and this is what happens when you involve yoga items and rollerblades and a very large area:

 

 

My Mom Wants Me To Eat Dog Treats.

My mom reads Guideposts and there is almost always an article that is in some way going to save my life.  This time the article was about a man and his dog named Vinny, and Vinny developed Diabetes and there were no treatments that were working and Vinny was basically dying a horrible slow death.  So the guy goes to sleep one night and wakes up and starts writing down ingredients, and he goes out and gets those ingredients, mixes them up, feeds them to the dog, and the dog became his old self and lived another 5 years or something.  So now the guy makes dog treats called Dia-Treaties (get it?) for dogs with Diabetes.  My mom wants me to eat these.  She got so excited about them, she called the man and interrogated him (to his credit, he is extremely nice and sincere), and he said they want to try it on humans.  It is still being tested for the FDA, but in the meantime, my mom literally wants to buy these dog treats and have me eat them.  So this is the e-mail I sent to the guy to at least find out what ingredients are in the dog treats.

“Hi there,

My mom would like me to eat your dog treats. I am a Juvenile Diabetic (for 22 years) and am on an insulin pump, completely insulin dependent. I am extremely wary of any supplements or “natural remedies” because my pancreas is a nonfunctioning organ and I do not believe there is any natural cure for Type 1 Diabetes. My mom is very excited and hopeful about your product, and talked to Kameron on the phone, but I am still skeptical.

Could you send me a list of the ingredients and are you actually testing this product on humans?

Thank you,
Darcy”

Also, my mom left the oven on…again…and when she got home my dad said “I figured it would be alright if I turned the oven off”.  My mom said “Shut up and go upstairs”.  My dad said “No really, I thought it would be ok”.  My mom said “Hold the railing and go up the stairs, leave me alone”.  My dad said “Ok, but when we get a new oven you are going to….” and my mom said “I know, Kenneth, hold the railing and go upstairs to bed”.  My dad said “But you don’t understand, when we get the new oven, I won’t know if it’s on or not because….” and my mom said “Goodnight Ken, hold the railing and go upstairs”

This video is the end of that conversation, my mom’s voice is coming from the living room.

I am about to update the quotes section, so go check that out, too, before you leave.

Oh and I went Rock Hunting again this past weekend in the Out Of Doors and was significantly less successful than the first time and also the next day my calves would not work.  It hurt tremendously.  That did not happen the first time.

Sometimes I accidentally see news and I hate that because I spend weeks dwelling on whatever I saw and right now I am dwelling on an elephant who was treated horribly and then he was rescued and he cried and it made me cry because I am happy he was rescued but there are so many animals who are in horrible situations and they are sad and scared and it makes my heart hurt and it makes me panic and I cannot save all the animals and I need to because it is all I think about and it is really just horrible and I cannot stand it that I cannot save all the animals.  And even worse, I hate the people who treat animals badly.  I am a nonviolent person but the things I would do to people who mistreat animals in any way – I would be able to.  I could summon up that violence and make them suffer.  FIFTY YEARS this poor elephant was tortured.  Here is the link.  I mean, I suppose it is a happy story because he is rescued and being treated fantastically, but all I can dwell on is all the sad animals in the world.

 

Green Day And Birthday Cake.

I have liked Green Day since 1992 when Kerplunk was released.  I know, given my affinity for show tunes, my hatred of bad words and references to naked activities, etc, it seems unlikely that I would like them.  But I do, I love Green Day and always have.  At some point in my mid-20′s, I decided I wanted a tattoo based on the song Extraordinary Girl, because I love that song and it spoke to me.  It said, Darcy, YOU are the Extraordinary Girl, living in an ordinary world, and you can’t seem to get away.  I could never figure out how exactly this tattoo would look, though, because I did not want to just have words tattooed on me without anything else.  This plagued me for years, trying to figure out how to get this tattooed on me in a way that I liked.

Fast forward to now, or more accurately, a few months ago.  I still love Green Day but have not obsessed over them in the way that I did previously.  Then I saw the tour of American Idiot and my love was rekindled, which I find funny because the reason you would not think I love Green Day is because of my showtuney lifestyle, and the thing that brought me back to obsessing over Green Day was a tour of a Broadway show.  So there’s that.  But this also rekindled my obsession with the Extraordinary Girl tattoo.

IMG_9207

 

Then I met a tattoo artist who designed this and my 10 year long dream of having an Extraordinary Girl tattoo was finally realized.

Birthday cake is important and I like it very much and it has become a generic flavor in many things.  It basically means whatever you are going to eat is going to taste like vanilla cake batter.  Birthday Cake ice cream – good.  Birthday Cake frozen yogurt – good.  Birthday Cake itself – good.  Birthday Cake M&Ms – not good.  Not good at all.  I do not know why they thought this was a good idea, but Birthday Cake M&Ms basically taste like burnt marshmallows and not in the good way when you actually burn a marshmallow while making s’mores and it tastes delicious.  It tastes like burnt marshmallows in the very bad way.  The one good thing about these M&Ms is the size – they are the size of peanut M&Ms and it is a pleasant texture to bite into.

American Idiot is going to be at the Beck Center not this summer, but next summer.  They have announced it now, and they have announced who will be in the lead role and it is my favorite actor in Cleveland and now I have to wait over a year for this to happen.  You may recall my obsession with Next to Normal at the Beck Center - this will be beyond that, that is how excited I am for it.  I was debating whether or not to include a link to my favorite actor’s You Tube page, because, while he is well aware of my obsession with him, I think it MIGHT be starting to creep him out.  But he has an amazing voice, and everyone must hear it, so here – you can thank me later:

Even if you do not like musical theater, just watch it, for real.  So one of my all time favorite bands that I have been obsessed with since I was like, 14 or something, plus my all time favorite voice in Cleveland.  And I have to wait over a year.

Ok, and just because I know you are thinking “Wow, I wish I could hear more Dan Folino”, here you go:

I swear I am not creepy.

I Went Out Of Doors With Deanna And Sabrina The Human.

Mr. Meow Meow was sitting on the porch and I told him that we should do something fun and this was his response.

Orange Meow Meow

I wanted to go rock hunting, so I posted on Facebook and said that I wanted to rock hunt and where should I go.  Then my friend Sabrina the Human texted me and said she wanted to go, too.  Then my friend Deanna posted on Facebook and said she lives near beaches and wanted to go, too.

Us

I met Sabrina the Human at Starbucks in Solon and we drove together way out to The Middle of Nowhere and it took a really long time to drive there and Sabrina the Human talked on the phone for a really long time which I did not realize was possible because I hate talking on the phone and I do not have that much to say to anyone, ever.

We got to Deanna’s house in The Middle of Nowhere and we were greeted by Zeus the Great Dane.

Duurr Zeus

 

Then we met Princess the Great Dane.

PrincessThey are both Great Danes but Zeus is so ginormous that another Great Dane can lay down under him like it is nothing.

Great Dane Bridge

 

Here, Zeus demonstrates just how tall he really is.

 

There were baby foster kitties, too.

Baby KittiesTiny Kitty

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The orange baby kitty has a big head and it makes her feel bad sometimes and it is very sad, but Deanna is working very hard to fix her.

Then we went to a creek where there were two dogs walking in the water and there were teeny tiny fish in the water and there were also tadpoles, but all of the rocks looked exactly the same and were boring and there were no frogs.

Nature

 

After the Boring Rock Failure, we went out to eat at a place that had the most disgusting bathroom that I have ever seen, but it had this really neat sink.

And possibly the neatest thing I have ever seen was a train that went by and I WAS STANDING RIGHT THERE.  LIKE 15 FEET AWAY FROM IT.  I have never done that.  It was so neat I could not even stand it.  I waved at the conductor and he waved to me.

In case you have never been that close to a train driving by, it is very loud, but it is a good kind of loud, not the kind that makes you cover your ears and rock.

We went to a beach and you can see a nuclear power plant.

Nuclear Smoke

 

People who live near there have pills they can take if anything ever blows up, and I guess it keeps them from growing a second head or something.  I am not sure how you get the pill and if you have to get a new one each year or what.  Maybe when you move in they automatically issue you one.  That would make me not want to move there.  If I have to have a pill to take in case of a nuclear explosion, that is not the neighborhood I will be choosing to live in.

I found some rocks that I thought were super neat, but when they got all dry and I looked at them, it turned out they were basically just a pile of regular rocks.  Rock hunting hurts, too, because you have to stay bent over for a long time.  Also sometimes you sink into the sand and that is unpleasant.  I did the unthinkable and took my shoes off and that was worse.  I also found a dead fish.

Dead Fish

The sign said not to swim in Lake Erie because the levels of things were bad and if you went in your skin would rot off and your eyeballs would melt and you would die a slow and painful death.  Maybe that is not what the sign said, I might have made that up.  But it did say you could not swim.  I would not choose to swim in Lake Erie under the best of circumstances, but while I was walking and looking for rocks my shoes got very wet so I am pretty sure I will be diagnosed with Trimethylaminuria or Tree Bark Skin Disorder.

We got ice cream and that is when Deanna and Sabrina the Human learned I was once shocked by an electric cow fence and lived.  It is also where I met a fat Golden Retriever dog and pet him.

Overall, I spent more time in the Out of Doors than I normally do in a year and I inhaled entirely too much oxygen but I had fun and I liked it, but this is not to say I will do it again, unless the weather is 70 degrees or cooler.

And this is what happened when I told Sabrina the Human to take a video of me with the Great Danes so I can show how big they are, but I did not know she hit the record button.  I am classy (turn your volume up).