I updated the Quotes section, and the Dogs Eating Peanut Butter section!
My parents and I went to my brother’s house for Father’s Day. We always drive separately because sometimes I stay later, but more importantly, I like to listen to my music while I drive. And also, the three of us in a confined space for more than five minutes is enough to make us all crazy.
Today we all left at the same time, so I was driving behind my parents and we were both stopped at a stop sign. My mom got out of my dad’s car and came to mine and got in. She said she wanted to stop for ice cream and my dad did not want to. Because this was different than the original plan, it threw me off. Remember, it does not take much to throw me off. My response was “Ok but now you are in my car and I wanted to listen to my music and you do not like it, so what am I going to do now? This is why I drive, to listen to music, but now you are here”. She gave me permission to listen to Green Day, and I really wish I could have recorded her commentary. “They are very angry, aren’t they?” “This song is sad, are all the songs sad?” “Did you skip that song because you think I can’t handle them saying bad words?” (I skipped the song Fuck Time) and then finally, after me telling her she cannot smoke in my car, she went crazy and started head banging and “dancing”. I told her she was going to throw a hip out or something, and she said “Then let me smoke”. Then she wanted me to pull up next to a car that had a sticker thingy that said “Your stick family was delicious” and it was a T-Rex eating a stick family, and it was an awesome sticker, but she wanted to roll down the window and tell the person driving that it was an awesome sticker. I do not allow that sort of interaction with other people, so I purposely stayed behind the car while my mom went insane next to me, yelling about how the lady driving needed to know that her sticker was appreciated. It was VERY funny.
We got to the ice cream place and the kid taking the money asked if it was for here or to go, and my mom asked “What would you do if I said it was for here, and then I left?” and he said “Uhhh. Nothing?” so she said “Well what you do if I said it was to go, and then I sat here? There’s a tax, isn’t there? For eating here?” and he said “Yeah, but I don’t think we’d do anything”.
We sat outside and drank our milkshakes and we were talking about these bumps she has developed that look like bug bites, but are not. My sister in law said that my mom should see a dermatologist, so I asked if she was going to go, and she said no. She firmly believes that you are either alive or dead and there is no in between, so she refuses to go to the doctor. I said “What if it is something you just have to take a pill for and they will go away, why would you let something annoying stay there?” and she said “I let you stay around, don’t I?” BOOM! Points for mom!
The drive home ended with her asking me to stop playing music, me telling her she is the reason I take pills for anxiety and her telling me that I am the reason she is crazy. None of that is true, we actually like each other very much. Though I do take pills for anxiety and she IS crazy, despite what she will tell you.
My nieces and I tried to train my dad how to do the Dubsmash app, and this is the closest we got to him talking at the pace of a teenage girl – it does not really match up, and we had to hold a cue card next to the phone so he could remember his line, but it is funny nonetheless.
I have some questions that need to be answered, so if you know the answer, please tell me.
1. Why do all men lose their leg hair around their calves and ankles once they hit a certain age?
2. Why does my cat only want to sit on me when I am actively trying to type on a computer, and never when I want him to come snuggle? How does he know?
3. Why do I always fall for click bait and get trapped on a website that makes me click “next” for every single sentence? I want to know where these child stars are now, or why I won’t believe what happens next when a guy stands on his head and bakes cookies, or what is so creepy about these pictures – why can’t they just tell me? Why do they have to make me click through every single thing?
4. Why are Magnum ice cream bars the best thing ever in the world, what the hell do they put in those things?