Joshua Bell Night Two – No Cicadas!

Friday was a MUCH better day than Thursday.  First of all, there are no cicadas in Detroit.

I watched a Harry Potter marathon in my hotel until I decided it was not TOO early to go to the Joshua Bell place.  The concert started at 8, and I left at 5.  I was NOT going to screw this one up!

I got a cab and told the guy “There is a Starbucks somewhere near the Detroit Symphony and I need to go to both places” and he said he knew where that was and took me there.  I had NO CLUE where I was, so I asked him to wait while I got my beverage, and I bought him an iced tea.  Then we went to the Max and Marjorie Fisher place, i.e. the Joshua Bell Place, and it turns out it was about ten feet away from Starbucks.  I gave the guy a big tip.

I went in, and because I now knew there were many places to sit, I expected to be able to just waltz in and sit somewhere, drink my iced vanilla latte, and read for the next two hours.  I had to walk through the Fancy Open Area of Fancy People Eating, and to do that, I had to get past an usher.  I was wearing what I always wear, jeans and a black tee shirt, and my hair is currently magenta.  This poor man had no idea what to do with me.  He could NOT grasp the idea that I KNEW I was very early, and I just wanted to sit and read.  Finally he let me in, and I sat and read.  It was nice.

Concert – same as the night before, and Joshua Bell was, if possible, even more perfect.  And I knew.  This time I KNEW.  I left at intermission and went down to the Fancy Open Area of Fancy People Eating, which is where he was signing autographs.

Those of you who know me – I was in my total spazz mode.  Those of you who do not know me, I think I have explained it enough for you get to a general idea.

Here is what transpired.

Darcy – “Hi Joshua Bell”
Joshua Bell – “Hi!…..Hi?”
Darcy – stares intently
Joshua Bell – “I recognize you”
Darcy – “Over the past 25 years this is my 11th time seeing you and I saw you in Akron a few months ago and this is kind of our 11th anniversary and also my hair is very recognizable.”
Joshua Bell – “Wow!  Yes, I knew I recognized you!  Thank you for coming again!”
Joshua Bell – “No, I actually don’t think very visually at all….”
This is where I had about 5 follow up questions but the people in line behind me started shoving their stuff in front of him to sign and I got discombobulated.

Darcy – “I was wondering if you would also sign this blank piece of paper because I want to get your signature tattooed on me”
Joshua Bell – “Whoa, tattooed? Are you sure?  That’s a lot of pressure to write neatly”
Darcy – “Yes, because I have a Green Day tattoo (at this point I pulled down my shirt to show him, essentially flashing Joshua Bell), and I want to get a Hamilton tattoo, and you are among the top three I mean you are the top one and I want to do that.”
Joshua Bell – writing very neatly on the blank piece of paper, and then also going to sign my program….”What is your name?”
Darcy – “Darcy!”
Joshua Bell – “With a Y?”
Darcy – “Yes!  Darcy with a Y!”
Joshua Bell – finishes signing
Darcy – “Joshua Bell do you think ever in your life you will play 503 from Angels and Demons live because I really think you should and I really want to hear that live so much.”
Joshua Bell – “What’s it called?  I played that?  What is it?”
Darcy – “Oh my gosh, it is only 3 minutes long but it is my favorite thing ever it is from Angels and Demons and yes you played it.”
Joshua Bell – “To be honest, I recorded that in one day and I don’t think I have played any of it since – but I’ll go back and listen to it and maybe I will play it”
Darcy – “Please play it it makes me cry and I do not know why because not a lot of things make me cry and maybe next time you come to Akron you can play it.”

Then we said our goodbyes because the people behind me were essentially pushing me along and I died.

But I have SO MANY MORE QUESTIONS.  So many.  I would be a good interviewer of Joshua Bell because I have so many questions.  And he could play 503 and I could cry for reasons I do not understand.  Or he could play anything.  ANYTHING.

I bought a ticket to see him in Chautauqua NY in August and I am already excited and spazzy about that.

Here is what he signed in my program:


The tattoo signature is neater, but I will not show that until it is actually tattooed on my wrist.


Joshua Bell Night One!

On Thursday I made the Great Journey to Detroit, Michigan, to see Joshua Bell for my tenth time.  To relive my love for Joshua Bell, please read this blog.

Things started out in a horrifying manner.  Cicadas.  All over.  My house, my car, my trees.  Everywhere.  Here are my tires.

IMG_3987 IMG_3988Then I got into my car and saw this…..

IMG_3989I decided right then and there that I had to go through the car wash, because if one of those suckers came into my car – I would die.  I would probably take other people out with me, because I would just open the car door and roll out and leave my car driving with the cicadas in it.  It was for everyone’s safety that I got my car washed.

Uneventful trip, no more cicadas, and I got to the Detroit Symphony Orchestra, parked my car and went in.  The place is huge.  It has multiple levels, some sort of open food eating area for fancy people, and all kinds of nonsense.  I had “Dress Circle” tickets.  To me, in all my theatrical experience, that means floor seats.  In Detroit, it means “third floor way up high” seats.  I was still close to the front of what I would refer to as the balcony, but I was far away.  See?


So naturally, I started rocking.  I hate being up high, I always make a point of buying tickets within the first 5 rows to see Joshua Bell because, as I described in that other blog, this is a huge thing for me.  I was rocking and mildly panicking and ignoring the announcement that said “Soloist Joshua Bell will be signing autographs AT INTERMISSION”.  Not after the concert.  At intermission.  Right over my panicked head.

The concert started with what I would call a cacophony of sound that I did not enjoy.  It was called Dreamwaltzes by the composer Steven Stucky.  I did not like it.  But then came Joshua Bell, and I went into my full trance, and it was amazing.  I stopped rocking, I stopped breathing, I stopped blinking – it was perfect.

Intermission came and went, and again, because I AM STUPID, not only did I miss the announcement about him signing at intermission, I did not look at the program to see that I was about to be subjected to an hour of Joshua Bell-less music.  It was fine music.  There was nothing wrong with it.  I mean, I got bored.  I started getting twitchy.  I did not know why Joshua Bell was not there.  Why would you bother having more of a concert where Joshua Bell WAS there, and then continue WITHOUT HIM?

After the concert, I went right to an usher and said “Where is Joshua Bell?” and she said “Oh honey, he’s long gone, he signed at intermission and left”.  I am notorious for not having facial expressions, but I must have had a pretty significant one, because she then said “I’m so sorry, are you ok?” and I did not say anything, and she said “Do you need something?  Are you alright?” and I said “He is gone?” and she patted me on the shoulder.

Every time I come out of seeing Joshua Bell, I am in such a state that I shake, vibrate, rock, rub my hands together in that annoying way that I do, and I stutter.  But having to sit through an hour of no Joshua Bell made that go away, and then finding out I missed him at intermission made me go “Plunk” right down to the depths of despair.

I had questions I wanted to ask him.  I wanted to get his signature so I can get it tattooed over my wrist surgery scar.  I mean, how inspiring is that?  The wrists that made me stop playing the violin, tattooed with the signature of the person I most admire in basically the world, tattooed OVER THE SCAR FROM THE SURGERY?  I realize I have a LOT of famous people whose work I flip out over, but Joshua Bell has been #1 on that list since I was 14, without wavering.  That is 25 years.

I went back to my hotel and ordered a $35 grilled cheese sandwich from room service and played Rummikub on my phone.

But then, Friday came….stay tuned!

Things I Say When My Blood Sugar Is Low.

Here is what I wanted to title this, but it will not let me do the line through the word in the title:  Things I Say When I Am Drunk Hypoglycemic.02aa91a33f8f48ad80a6c0ed1c785603

Yesterday I went out to dinner with some new coworkers, and when I arrived at the restaurant, my blood sugar was low and I knew it.  This meant I got to drink Coke, which is really amazing because I do not get to do that very often.  So there I am, drinking my Coke and “chatting”, but really, I am not chatting because my blood sugar is low and I cannot really follow any conversation that is happening, and quite frankly, I am not even positive there IS a conversation happening because there is a weird delay in my head and I am clenching my teeth for no reason and my face feels like it is not there anymore.  So…”chatting”.  Someone asked about my tattoos – or maybe I shouted something about my tattoos because that is entirely possible.  I pointed to one and said “This is my Green Day tattoo”, I pointed to another and said “This one means ‘fighting spirit'” and then to another and said “I don’t know what this one means.”  Everyone looked at me and said variations of “how can you not know what it means?” and I kept saying “I don’t know, I just don’t know what it means, isn’t that weird?”

I know damn well what my tattoo means and ironically, it means resilient.  I was not resilient in that moment.

Tonight I went out to dinner with my friend Karyn and her husband Nick, and once again, my face felt like it was not attached, I was clenching my teeth and starting sentences without finishing them – but this time I was not self aware enough to say “Dip shit, your blood sugar is low, STFU.”  So I kept talking.  One of the things I said was “Alex is Australian….wait, no he’s not.”  He is.  Alex absolutely is 100% Australian.  And that was my entire “story” about Alex – that he is Australian.  Somehow I decided I was wrong, and I corrected myself and just stopped.

Many years ago in high school my blood sugar went super low while I was the Chief of Police for the day.  I was doing this cool ass ride along with a police officer, and there was a lunch with the other city employees (i.e. my classmates who were elected as Mayor, etc) and their actual real life counterparts.  My blood sugar went low when we pulled a guy over for speeding.  I knew it was low, and I started eating Lifesavers, but they were not helping.  I ate an entire roll, and nothing.  My blood sugar kept plummeting.  I said some nonsense when the officer got back in the car, and then we went to the lunch where I ordered…iced tea.  A beverage with no sugar in it.  Because here is the thing about being Diabetic and having your blood sugar go low – you will NEVER admit that it is.  I do not know why.  “Darcy, I think your blood sugar is off” “NO IT IS NOT I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I AM DOING.” So iced tea does NOT help low blood sugar, Coke or juice does.  But denial.  So lower and lower it goes until I have no idea where I am, what is happening, I cannot feel my face, my eyes are so blurry I cannot see, I hear voices but cannot understand what they are saying, I am sweating profusely….and I decide now is the time to leave the lunch by myself and call my mom.  The thought to order Coke still did not come into my brain.  I felt my way along the wall until I got to the front desk (the lunch was a hotel restaurant) and I asked where a pay phone was.  Yeah – this was in like, 1993.  I go to the pay phone and call my mom, panicking and crying, saying I do not know where I am and she has to come get me and something is wrong.  We later apologized to the Chief of Police who thought I had a stroke or was in the active throes of death or something.

Often my blood sugar goes low in the middle of the night – 3 or 4am.  I wake up sweating profusely (I am talking pajamas SOAKED), and here is the extra weird thing – my left thigh goes numb.  I lie in bed for a good half hour trying to convince myself my blood sugar is NOT low, and finally I go downstairs and drink a glass of orange juice.  Here is another thing you may not know about low blood sugar – it makes you think you have not eaten in years, and that you are not only capable of eating, but you MUST eat every single thing in sight.  It is not uncommon for a Diabetic to eat 3 bowls of cereal, cookies, orange juice and a banana in a low blood sugar stupor.  I am 99% sure I posted about this before, and I am 99.5% positive I posted these memes before, but I cannot find that post, so here it is again.

51a3ce53a360d965d14e9578f1bbcfb76157a14a96364929336df908cb37473a Diabetes-Memes-Spongebob-2

And it is not just me, obviously.  THERE ARE MEMES.  That means it is true.

All this is to say, if we are ever together and you look at me and I have the appearance of someone who is not sure if they are actually there or not, or I say that Alex is not Australian, or you see me eating multiple bowls of cereal, just gently say “Hey Darcy, why don’t you check your blood sugar?”  Chances are I will just yell at you and tell you I know for my damn self if my blood sugar is low, and you know nothing.  But then also I will drink glorious Coke and become normal again.

Thank you.  Happy Diabetes-ing.

So This Thing Happened.

First, for your reference:  Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4.

Now that you are caught up, I have had two encounters in the past two weeks.

AJ and I use the same grocery store.  I have gone to great lengths to make sure we are never there at the same time.  One of these lengths is circling the parking lot to make sure his car is not there.  Last Monday, his car was there.  So I parked in a hidden spot and waited, watched him leave (not in a creepy way, just in the way that I wanted to make sure he left), and THEN I went grocery shopping.  So that was panic inducing, but not to the point of needing to take Klonopin.

Tonight was different.  Tonight I went out to dinner with some important people from our underwriter, and some important people from my company.  There were 7 of us.  We were sitting at a table in which I had my back against the wall and was facing out to the rest of the restaurant.  I randomly told Chris, my supervisor, that AJ sometimes comes here, and how much would it suck if he came in.  But I was in such an obvious spot, I assumed if he DID some in, he’d have the sense to see me and ask to be seated elsewhere.

There I am, happily engaged in conversation, but looking to my left because most of our table was to my left.  Then I looked at Chris.  The table a little bit to the side and behind Chris, formerly an empty table, now contained AJ’s Aunt, Uncle, Dad and Step Mom.  There was no hiding the look on my face.  Eye contact was made with the aunt, and my face turned to pure horror.  She glared at me.  I looked away and went back into conversation with the people to the left of me.  But then, a little further into the conversation, I looked at Chris and saw the aunt and uncle both give me the stink eye.  This dance went on for about 30 minutes.  I got a casual, over the shoulder stink eye from the step mom.  As much as I was trying to not look at them, they were also going out of their way to not look at me – that is much harder at a table of four than a table of 7.  It looked awkward for them.  To his credit, Mr. Novak did not turn around to give me the stink eye.

Here is the thing.  All you know right now is “aunt” and “uncle” – I have not named names and I won’t.  But this particular couple has a son in prison for heading up a child porn ring, and another son waiting on a legal settlement from Disney because he tripped over a railroad track and broke his ankle.  I, on the other hand, have not committed crimes, been to jail, or sued anyone.  I work hard, and have climbed the ranks of my company to the point that I am having dinner with important people.  And yet – the stink eyes I received were enough to induce panic.

Now the stink eye from the step mom.  She has a step son who SHOULD be in prison for statutory rape, but got off because the family has money.  I play by the rules.  I have always followed the rules.  Much like Alexander Hamilton, I am honest to a fault, wordy, and have no issues sharing my opinion.  So yes, I have shared my opinion about AJ with them, and they did not like that.  That’s fine.  I understand that no parent is going to say “You are right, my kid did some really horrible things.”  But this parent said “The horrible things my kid did, they are all your fault.  You are 100% to blame, and you are the person who brought all this about.”  Except, I didn’t.  I tried to talk AJ OUT of committing a felony.  I tried to tell his dad to talk him out of committing a felony.  When I saw more potentially felonious issues on the horizon, I tried to tell them again, this is happening.  Instead of stopping AJ, they blamed me again.

Anyway, you know the story.

Back to the present.  They thought they had the right to give me looks.  They thought “This is a bad person who did bad things.”  I looked at them and thought “These are people with one son in jail and another trying to live off a law suit because he tripped on something, and the other person is AJ who has cheated on more women than I can count on one hand, burned every bridge he ever crossed, lied, cheated in school, and flat out put me through psychological hell for 8 years.  Why am *I* panicking?  I am morally superior to all of them, I am more successful than any of the “kids” in this scenario (and actually, more successful than 3/4 of the adults there), and I am, and always have been, right when it comes to what happened with AJ.

When I got back into my car with Chris, I LOST MY SHIT.  I was shaking, I was hyperventilating, I was in full blown panic.  But on the ride home, I realized that no.  I sat through that dinner, facing them, knowing how much more successful I am than any of their kids, knowing I am right, I do right, and I follow rules.  I won.  They gave me the stink eye, I gave them something to aspire to be.  They’ll never know that, because no one is going to say “Damn, she’s right.”  But I am right.  I have always been right.  I have always been good.

To top it all off, this night made me love my job even more, if that is even possible.  The four Embracers who were there, some of whom are a Pretty Big Deal, stood up when it was time to leave and created a Wall of Embrace so I could walk out without having to pass the table of The Stink Eye.  They didn’t even discuss it, they just stood up, and boom.  A Wall of Safety happened.

I won.  If this happens again, I won’t panic. I’ll do what I always do – I will have sympathy for those in worse positions than me.  I will feel sorry that they have criminal children, and that my parents have had it easy with two very successful, honest, good people as children.  I will try to realize how hard it must be to know that part of the reason you have to have a high income is to pay for the best lawyers for your kid.  I will try to understand that it is impossible for a dad to not defend his kid, no matter how very wrong what that kid did turns out to be.  And I will try to be more empathetic to the aunt and uncle who had no idea their kid was going to be spending 15 years in prison because the child porn ring was so well hidden from, they had no idea what was coming.  I will take all of the good things I put into the universe, and hope that it gives some peace to the parents who have to deal with morally corrupt children, knowing there is nothing they can do about it.  You have to love your children no matter what, and it must be very difficult to love these kids knowing what they’ve done to other people.

Instead of panic, I will focus on my healing thoughts and my visions of peace for the parents involved in this situation.  They blame me 100% and that is 100% wrong, but I don’t know that I could turn to someone I raised and say “Wow, you really messed up a lot of lives, I have no respect for you.”  If I had a kid, I would probably try to make anyone else the bad guy, too.

And yes, this was only written after major amounts of Klonopin were consumed, after I stopped hyperventilating, after I stopped shaking, and after I got home and squished my cat.

I am fierce.  I am resilient.  I am good.  I am a fighting spirit.  I am pure.  I am innocent.  I am confident.  I know exactly who I am.

Thank you for listening.


In Which A Dog Sharts On Jackie.

There are many reasons I love my job.  The company is awesome, the people are awesome, there are dogs and cats and sometimes bunnies and guinea pigs and really.  It is just a fabulous place to work.

Right now I am going to tell you why I love the Call Center in particular.  I am the Call Center Manager, so these are my people.  They also happen to be a particularly funny, sarcastic, witty, friendly, happy group of people, so that makes working with them THAT much better.

Recently one of our reps had a call with a person who was having a hard time hearing her.  This particular rep, like me, naturally speaks very loudly.  After about a minute on the phone, she was literally shouting for this person to hear her. Her name is Sammi.  HI SAMMI.  She is also short and has horses.


Sammi had the luck of getting the hard of hearing person just as every other person in the call center ended their call, so her increasingly loud call had our full attention.  We also have an internal chat system, which everyone promptly used to mock Sammi. This went on for about 8 minutes.  It was like God himself approved of the harassment of poor Sammi, because not a single other call came in during that time.  The universe wanted us to be a part of that phone call.

I have copied and pasted that conversation below, with annotations so you have an idea of what happened on the phone call to elicit these responses. Bear in mind, anything that Sammi said was repeated by her several times at increasingly louder levels.

Sammi said to the Pet Parent “We never drop pets”.

Ann  3/31/2016 2:07:40 PM
do we drop pets?

Sammi said that we never reduce coverage due to a pet’s age or health.

Ann  3/31/2016 2:07:45 PM
I think we reduce coverage

Sammi repeated that we never reduce coverage.

Ann 3/31/2016 2:07:54 PM
nope, we definitely do

Ann 3/31/2016 2:07:58 PM
she’s said it 4 times, we for sure do

Milena 3/31/2016 2:08:00 PM
Poor Sammi

Sammi said again that we never drop pets from coverage. 

Brent 3/31/2016 2:08:08 PM
almost every pet i think

Ann 3/31/2016 2:08:14 PM
I always drop pets

Milena 3/31/2016 2:08:21 PM
You can never reduce coverage

Ann 3/31/2016 2:08:23 PM
lets me know whether they will survive the apocalypse.

Sammi said that coverage can be decreased to fit a person’s budget. 

Milena 3/31/2016 2:08:28 PM
We don’t like to fit budgets

Joseph 3/31/2016 2:08:38 PM
You all are WRONG. What we don’t do is eat meat on Sundays and every other Tuesday

Sammi said that she would reach out to the Pet Parent’s vet clinic for information, the vet is named Ireland – something. 

Ann 3/31/2016 2:08:41 PM
sammi is going to reach out to ireland

Ann 3/31/2016 2:08:50 PM
shit, that’s a long reach. sammi,you’re not that tall!

Brent 3/31/2016 2:08:54 PM
She must have long arms

Sammi said “No, you don’t have to do anything, we’ll get all the information”

Milena 3/31/2016 2:08:56 PM
The customer has to do everything

Jackie 3/31/2016 2:09:04 PM
Jackie’s dog, Betty, sharted on her and this is unrelated to Sammi’s conversation.


Brent 3/31/2016 2:09:15 PM

Milena 3/31/2016 2:09:21 PM
I’m crying.

Ann 3/31/2016 2:09:36 PM
oh my god. first this person’s coverage is gonna be denied, and their pets dropped. now betty is sharting.

Sammi said that you can cancel at any time.

Brent 3/31/2016 2:11:01 PM

Sammi asked if there was anything else she could help with.

Ann 3/31/2016 2:11:18 PM
there must be something else sammi can help with

Ann 3/31/2016 2:11:22 PM
because they still talkin’

Darcy 3/31/2016 2:11:29 PM
Hey, is Sammi here today?  I can’t tell.

Lindsey 3/31/2016 2:11:33 PM

Lindsey 3/31/2016 2:11:37 PM
sammi i’m sorry

Milena 3/31/2016 2:11:38 PM
She’s WFH (work from home) I think

Lindsey 3/31/2016 2:11:44 PM
yes we can still hear her though

Lindsey 3/31/2016 2:11:45 PM
from home

Ann 3/31/2016 2:11:45 PM
wow, really? it’s like she’s right here

Lindsey 3/31/2016 2:11:51 PM
that voice carries

Darcy 3/31/2016 2:11:52 PM
Omg, I’m dying

Ann 3/31/2016 2:11:55 PM
it’s such a good voice.

Darcy 3/31/2016 2:11:56 PM
Oh Sammi, we love you

Sammi said she’d mail a copy of the policy.

Ann 3/31/2016 2:12:02 PM
is she gonna mail a copy? I couldn’t understand.

Joseph 3/31/2016 2:12:09 PM
WOW you all are mean people. I have written evidence for Sammi I was not a part of this

It appeared as if the call was going to end, so people started throwing out suggestions to keep it going longer. 

Lindsey 3/31/2016 2:12:11 PM
can you read her the terms and conditions sammi?

Brent 3/31/2016 2:12:28 PM

Sammi 3/31/2016 2:12:33 PM

Ann  3/31/2016 2:12:57 PM
Brent is on my level

Things looked hopeful (for us, not Sammi) because Sammi said something about other levels of coverage. 

Lindsey 3/31/2016 2:12:58 PM
sammi maybe quote her at all possible levels of coverage though

Then it looked like it was ending again, so more suggestions for extending it. 

Joseph 3/31/2016 2:12:58 PM
Talk about vet bill inflation

Darcy 3/31/2016 2:13:10 PM
I can’t even handle this, I am dying

Lindsey 3/31/2016 2:13:12 PM
explain how discounts stack

Joseph 3/31/2016 2:13:18 PM
give her your exstention. don’t forget to do that
give her mine and I’m on non speaking terms with you

Milena 3/31/2016 2:13:22 PM
Did you talk about ORC??

Brent 3/31/2016 2:13:24 PM
ask her about doing an MHR

Lindsey 3/31/2016 2:13:39 PM
explain how we go about paying the vet directly

Ann 3/31/2016 2:14:04 PM

The call ended and everyone in the Call Center stood up and gave her a standing ovation.  It was one of the most amazing moments ever.

We also do things like this when people are working from home, but we got free food in the office:
Cheese DipAnd when people are out celebrating Mike’s 50th birthday and we are still working the late shift in the Call Center, they post this picture on Facebook:
Fun BirthdayAnd we respond with this:
Happy BirthdayOne of the reasons I love these people is because we all said “Make cranky faces” and both Peter and Joey are smiling happily.  How can you not love that?

We are also sorting different dogs breeds into Hogwarts Houses on our internal message board thing.  Why?  Because we are awesome.