Damn it, I AM funny.

People laughing at me because I Am Funny.

Do you see those people in the picture? They are laughing, and they are laughing because they think I am extremely funny. Actually, no, I have no idea what they are laughing at, I just found that picture on Google images. I’ll probably get sued for copyright infringement or something. But here’s my point – I posted on Facebook and said “I am taking applications for someone to take me on a ride on a motorcycle. Some things to consider: I outweigh you, I have a big butt, and I don’t want to flatten someone or their motorcycle, so you know, you’d need to be driving something big and hard core. And…go.” The lovely Ann Margaret Donato replied with “u r sooooooo freakin funny!” and I thought, hey, I am. I can be funny sometimes. And that, after all this time, is what finally got my ass motivated to write a blog post.

First off, HELLO to Kim and Michael (for the love of God, NOT MIKE) who I met at Flour and are hopefully reading this right now. Let me tell you about these two – we go way back. AJ and I were sitting at the bar of Flour, an Italian restaurant, stalking our friend Will, who is a bartender. Michael and Kim sat down next to us and proceeded to order Arugula. It’s possible they ate something else, or that there was something WITH the Arugula, but mostly I just know that they were eating a lot of Arugula. I actually think there was a pizza underneath the Arugula. I hate Arugula, just for the record. So that’s pretty much my relationship with them, and exactly how deep our relationship goes. I did find out that in their youth, they were forced to collect dandelions and eat them, which may explain some of their obsession with leafy green things in their adult lives. But they were nice and they were super fun, despite Michael accusing me of being 22 and loving Twilight (neither of those tidbits are true) so I want them to read my blog and say “HEY! There are our names!” and then go hang out with me and AJ at Flour again, because no one else really likes to hang out with us once they know us well enough. We usually have two, three visits with people before we never hear from them again. I mean, yes, I tend to drool and I sometimes shout things and interrupt an actual conversation because I wasn’t paying attention to it and I thought of something that I just REALLY wanted to say, and from what I’ve been told, that habit is off putting. I also comment on people’s food while they are eating it, and usually the comments are along the lines of “Ew, do you know that looks like what came out of an infection I had on my stomach once?”, and again, I’ve been told that is not something that makes people want to talk to me.

Back to the topic – and I’m not exactly sure what it was – check out the quotes section for some new quotes from Arugula night at Flour. Oh, hey, while you’re at it, check out the links page for some new links, too.

So anyway, I hate Chelsea Handler because she really makes me uncomfortable, and I love Lea Michele because she’s pretty and sings really well. Both of them are trying to get horse carriage rides in NYC outlawed because horses don’t belong in the middle of New York City pulling lazy people’s butts around for fun. I’ve been signing online petitions, and I have no idea if they are legit or not, to help them outlaw the horsey rides. I don’t ride horses. I love looking at horses, petting horses and all that, but I won’t get up on a horse because, similar to my feelings about potentially flattening someone’s motorcycle, I’d really hate to flatten a horse. I also really like feeding things to horses because they eat funny. I try feeding things to my cat, but she actually won’t eat most human food. She licks my yogurt spoon (and then yes, I continue using the spoon), and she licks peanut butter from my toast (and yes, I continue eating the toast), but it’s not like a horse where you can take a carrot and the horse sort of sucks it into his mouth, crunching it the whole way.

Oh hey, that “Book Talk” section – seriously, that’s going to be interactive at some point. AJ said he’d make it happen. There’s going to be some serious damn book talking going on here at some point.

I’m going to go play Snoopy’s Street Fair on my iPad now, because, hey, priorities. Hopefully this won’t be the last time you hear from me for another year.

One thought on “Damn it, I AM funny.

  1. Don’t feel bad about the drooling. My mom always used to stop me when I was in the middle of an awesome story to tell me I was collecting spit at the corners of my mouth. Now whenever I’m excited, I’m super self-conscious, because apparently I drool a lot. Plus every picture of my under 6 I’m covered in drool and my chin is chapped.

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