Temporary Dog

This is our Temporary Dog.  We have her because our neighbors got evicted, and they had nowhere for the dog to go.  We have always loved this dog, so on behalf of my parents, who I never consulted, I said “Of course we can keep her until you can get her!”  It was really no secret that “I’ll be able to get her in a month” was wishful thinking, as it’s been about 6 weeks, and there is no end in sight.  However, we don’t want there to be an end in sight.  We want to keep this dog.  

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We’ve had some ideas as to how to go about dognapping this dog.  The first idea was to just pretend we didn’t know what her owner was talking about.  “I’ve come for my dog.”  “Dog?  What dog?  Who are you?”  We vetoed that idea pretty quickly, because no doubt the dog would run to the door to greet her people (she likes to greet everyone).  On to option two.  “The dog ran away.”  That might not work because I am actually friends with the dogs owner, and inevitably at some point, she’ll visit my house.  I could just send my dad out on a really long walk, and hide all the dog food, but I’m not good at lying, so I would end up blurting out the truth within minutes.  The last thought was saying “We gave her away”, but that’s unlikely as well, because why would you just give a person’s dog away after agreeing to keep her until they came back?  That’s stupid. 

 

Our only hope is that her owner forgets she’s here, or moves somewhere where dogs aren’t allowed.  Both are unlikely. 

 

I want my dad to keep the dog because at some point in my life, I’ll be taking my cat and moving out.  Do you have any idea how boring it will be in my house without me causing endless messes and without my cat attempting to kill my parents every night?  They will miss us!  So Temporary Dog is a perfect solution – she’s extremely sweet and non demanding, and my dad has extensive conversations with her that always result in him giggling.  He talks to my cat a lot, but it’s usually “Stop biting me, cat”, or “It’s not time to eat yet, Mr. Cat”.  His conversations with the dog usually go more like “What is that person doing out there?  Do you see him?  Is that a weed whacker?  Can you see?  Here, let me move this so you can see.  Ok, see him?  What is that?”  So yes, basically the dog has become an accomplice to my dad spying on the neighbors.  Not to mention, Temporary Dog is IN LOVE with my dad.  She sits in her chair and gazes at him.  When he sits on a couch, she lays next to him, upside down, with her head on his lap.  And when I say the dog has her own chair, really, she has about three of them.  Any chair that used to be my mom’s now belongs to Temporary Dog.  We have our priorities.  

 

The problem for now is that my beautiful baby Squishy Kitty, who is the epitome of grace and hospitality, hates Temporary Dog.  TD will be lying in the living room, and my cat will walk in and hiss at her, and then walk away as if the dog had done something horrible.  Squishy places herself in front of the dog’s bowl of food, and the poor dog is so scared of her, she just sits from a distance until my cat leaves and lets her eat.  There is the occasional bitch slap on behalf of Squishy, but usually not too bad.  The dog reacts with a mild interest and not much else.  One time my mom and I came home later than usual, well past my dad’s designated bedtime (10pm exactly), and found him sitting in his chair with a horrified look on his face.  “Oh my gosh,” we said.  “Are you ok?”  His exact words were “Dog.  Cat.  Terrible fight.  I can’t talk about it” and he went straight upstairs to bed.  The “terrible fight” turned out to be my cat hissing and making crazy kitty noises, and then finally going bat shit and leaping towards the dog, and the dog just sort of tried to play, and then backed away.  

 

This is the very sad part.  Temporary Dog is used to living in chaos – kids, cats, kittens, and other dogs.  She has no concept that a cat wouldn’t like her.  And after 6 weeks, she STILL has no concept that the cat doesn’t like her.  At least Squishy is toning it down a little and not attacking, just hissing and growling.  

 

We assumed Temporary Dog misses her puppy friend, and cats who let her chase them, so we’ve been trying to get neighbors to come over for playdates.  Neighbors dogs, that is.  Beatrice across the street came over a few times.  Beatrice LOVES chasing a tennis ball.  She will chase it until she drops over dead.  Temporary Dog does not understand the concept of chasing a ball, all she knows is “Chase Dog”.  So Beatrice chases the ball, and Temporary Dog chases Beatrice.  Once Temporary Dog realizes Beatrice isn’t playing the right game, Temporary Dog gets bored.  

 

My parents and I have both made asses of ourselves trying to show Temporary Dog how to chase a ball.  She sits nicely on the patio while we throw and fetch a tennis ball.  My mom is getting pretty damn good at it – I think I’m going to train her on frisbee next.  

 

So, cheers to Temporary Dog and everyone keep up the mantra, “Let Temporary Dog become Permanent Dog”, because we love her and don’t want her to leave!

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