Milk, Percoset, Documentaries and Me

I would like to begin by saying that I am on a large dose of Percoset right now.  Legally. I mean, it’s my prescription.  I only take it when I absolutely have to, and my wrists have hurt beyond “unbearable”, so I took two Percoset, and then a few hours later, I took another.  My wrists still hurt, but not as bad.  Anyway, I’m pretty loopy right now.  Legally, though, did I mention that?  I am legally loopy.

I don’t like that one of the main reasons given as to why we should not drink cow milk is because humans are the only mammals who drink another species milk, and we are also the only mammals to drink milk after infancy.  I call shenanigans on that.  We are also the only species who can bake cookies, pee in a toilet (with the exception of some highly trained cats), decorate our living rooms and go to college.  There are plenty of things that we are the only species to do, so why not add “drink cow milk” to the list?  I would also like to point out that maybe a cheetah would absolutely love a glass of milk, but I bet he’d be hard pressed to find a cow willing to let him milk it.  Not only that, but cheetahs don’t have opposable thumbs, so it’d be really hard to milk a cow for a cheetah.  Also, the cheetah doesn’t know about pasteurizing the milk and all that.  I like milk and I’m going to drink even if cheetahs can’t milk cows.  I’m also going to eat ice cream even though cheetahs do not know how to make ice cream.

I just had a short nap in between paragraphs.

I also do not like documentaries.  Well, I like some.  I like Libertopia films because they are interesting (check my links section and you, too, can see what I mean), and I like documentaries on things like Yellowstone Park or something.  But I don’t like documentaries that tell me all of my food is made of concrete and sludge and I will die unless I grow all of my own food and drink only water straight out of a mountain top stream.  I am well aware that pretty much anything we eat is dirty, tainted, toxic and contains traces of poop and rats.  Anything that tries to prove something or “tell all the secrets” of a particular industry is annoying and pretentious.  So you’ve just told me I’m going to die a slow and painful death because there is no food on earth that is safe to eat – what am I supposed to do with that information?  I’ll tell you what I’m supposed to do, I add it to my list of fears on my website.  I’m not a conspiracy theorist, but it’s just a fact that everyone lies and hides things and none of us will ever know the real truth behind anything;  government, food, health care, environment – there is no truth and it annoys me that there are 10,000 different people trying to tell me that THEY are the ones who know the truth.  So there’s that.

Before you tell me I’m ignorant and uninformed and all that, just keep in mind that the world needs people like me.  Who else would buy all the Ho Ho’s and Sugar Free Red Bull and French Vanilla Coffee Creamer?  Forget global warming, without people like me, the world would absolutely end.  I’m doing everyone a service.  You’re welcome!

I’m going to make a gallery of videos and pictures of animals in my life on here, so you should keep an eye out for that.  It will be pretty freaking awesome.

Oh, and I cut myself with a knife today while cutting potatoes in half.  I bled on a potato and it was really gross.  I did not use that potato in my mashed potatoes, even though it probably wouldn’t have made a difference because I used Smart Balance and so now I probably have cancer, so really, a little blood is insignificant.

I am now conducting a poll.  Starting right now.  You can post your poll result in the comments.  Do you drink milk/eat ice cream/eat cheese?  If you don’t, why don’t you?

I’m going to go play Snoopy’s Street Fair now because that is all my Percoset addled mind is capable of.  If I have made a ton of typo’s or trailed off mid sentence anywhere in here, it’s not my fault.  It’s because I drink milk.

5 thoughts on “Milk, Percoset, Documentaries and Me

  1. You? You are fabulous. I love your blog. I too, however, am loopy on percocet (also legally), not sure if that contributes. 😉

    Milk, ice cream, fake sugar, umm…yes please. But, this is coming from someone that 100% enjoys my 15 mins of fake-sun tanning bed bliss 2x a week. Adjust the weight of my opinion accordingly.

  2. I have an asshole pancreas, too. Mine doesn’t cause pain, though, it just doesn’t do anything at all. It’s kind of weird imaging this 20 year dead organ floating in my body, being all dead and useless – is it shriveling up and disappearing? Is it growing arms and legs? Someday, will it come running out of my mouth? Only time will tell.

  3. Mine never formed quite right to begin with (pancreatic divisum) – they took out my gall bladder (that was perfectly fine – because they thought IT was the asshole organ originally) – and it was still misbehaving. Then they went in to try to make it happier and ended up putting me in the hospital for a little over 2 weeks. Apparently, my pancreas doesn’t want their help. It wants to be left the hell alone…especially when it’s being cranky and causing me to throw up everything I eat. Fun times. So, I eat percocet like M&Ms at times, and have nerve ablations to mask the pain. After 3 years of this crap, I have come to 2 conclusions. #1 – broken pancreas=awesomely effective diet. #2 – my pancreas is an asshole

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