Here’s what I think about. It started with me thinking about Ken the Hamster. Then I got upset because I thought Ken probably gets lonely on weekends when no one is at the office. Then that made me think of sad animals, and I thought of my very dear and close friend Mary who is going through a horrible thing with her beloved Buster. Then I thought of Sabrina, because I got Sabrina when Mary, Catharine and Sharon went to the APL to get me a kitty for Christmas. They picked Sabrina, and Mary saw Buster and that was that – she went back the next day to get him. Then I thought about Laurie Notaro who is an author and wrote “I Love Everybody (and Other Atrocious Lies)” because when I stage managed Lobby Hero, I begged Catharine to sit backstage because I had no access to backstage from the booth, and there was no crew at all. Just me. So I really wanted someone back there in case something happened. So while she was back there, Catharine read “I Love Everybody” and she laughed the kind of laugh that makes your eyes water and you can’t breathe. Then that made me think about Paul Floriano, who was in Lobby Hero, and that led me back to thinking about my cat because Paul Floriano makes fun of my cat and my cat liked to sit on Paul Floriano while he laid on the couch and watched Law and Order SVU. My cat never sits on me. Then I thought about how lucky I am that Sabrina is still going strong and is immortal, but then that led me back to thinking about Buster and Mary and I got really sad for them. And for Mark, too, because he loves Buster just as much. Buster has been through everything with Mary, just like Sabrina has with me. Then I just kept getting more and more upset, so I had to take Klonopin and then I thought about what would happen if I had the biggest panic attack ever on earth, would my brain just explode? Because it sometimes feels like my brian or my heart is just going to explode, I panic so badly. But since I’m so easily distracted, I am also able to think about other things very quickly, but that does not mean I stop panicking, no. I keep panicking, I just don’t remember why. Then I thought about what I would do if I got pulled over by the police, even though I wasn’t doing anything wrong. How would I explain my frantic state? Then I went to my happy place where I live in a very safe place with all animals and people I love and nothing can hurt us and no one ever dies, and then that made me think about a book where they cure death, and so no one is allowed to have kids because if they do, everyone will just live forever and overpopulate the earth. So if you want to have a kid, you have to opt out of the “living forever” thing. After I got done thinking about that book, I thought more about Lobby Hero and how I really liked that play and how Jen Clifford Ruffner, who is extremely small and skinny, lost weight because she had to wear a real police uniform and belt with real stuff attached to it, except not a real gun, but it was a gun that looked real and was probably pretty heavy. Then I thought about how, when I first got involved in theater, I was OBSESSED with the guns and I learned how to make sure there were blanks in them, and I learned how to clean them and everything – but at the same time I was terrified of guns. So then Laurie McLaughlin said that when she gets her Amelia Earhart play produced, I could be the gun wrangler for it, and I was really excited except now I think I’d pass out if I had to do that job. Somehow my fear of guns developed instantly. Then I went back to thinking about Mary and I pulled into my driveway and came in my house and pet Temporary Dog and squished my cat and was very thankful for them. And then I saw that it was 11:11pm and I made a wish that Buster would be pain free and that Mary and Mark would feel peace.
And that was all in an 18 minute car ride.
Did I mention that there’s a new thing up on the menu at the top of the page? Ask the Darcy. I just thought maybe instead of my late night thought rampages, maybe someone would say something that I’d want to put thought into and write about. Probably not, but maybe. Who knows? I rarely put thought into what I write, it just comes spewing out, much like when I talk, but if I were given something specific to talk about, I might be able to stay on topic, I don’t know, I’ve never tried. Or you could just tell me your favorite color or send a random word or whatever you want. It’s all anonymous so I won’t know who you are. Then when I write an entire post about peaches, you can silently say to yourself “I did that”.