No, It Certainly Is NOT Only Badminton

A user sumbmitted a question via Ask the Darcy:

It’s only badminton.  Right?

The answer is no, it absolutely is not.  The first reason is because you hit a thing called a shuttlecock.  If you are playing a sport where you bash a shuttlecock with a racket, it can never be “only”.

The second reason is because when I lived in a particular development and my house had a huge backyard and water on two sides and then a lake, we had a badminton net set up.  My Aunt Jackie, Uncle Mike and cousins Mark and Shannon would come over and we would play.  This resulted in some of the most hilarious quotes ever from my aunt and uncle, but because I was only 10 or 11 back then, I didn’t have an iPhone and so I didn’t constantly record people’s quotes.  But they were good ones, I can assure you of that.

The third reason is the “whomph” noise people make when they play badminton vigorously.  You see, it can either be a leisurely fun sport or it can be a sweaty violent sport, depending on what kind of person you are.  You can gently smack the shuttlecock back and forth and try to keep it in the air, or you can leap at the net and try to smack it down to the ground so the other team can’t hit it back.  The second scenario is where the “whomph” noise comes in.  Just watch the Olympics.  I’m guessing you were watching the Olympics and that is why you asked me this question.

The fourth reason is because you can trick people when playing badminton and this is an actual strategy that is used.  Because the shuttlecock can gracefully fly through the air, it gives you time to make fake moves with your racket and then your opponent thinks “Oh, it’s going to go to the left” and then WHAM!  You make it go to the right.  But see, your opponent has already moved to the left in anticipation, so WOO, you win!  Or get a point.  Or something.  But anyway, you can totally wave your racket around like a mad person, and jump and leap and make crazy faces, and you have about 20 minutes before the shuttlecock reaches you and you acutally hit it.

The fifth reason is because many times people who are very serious about badminton will wear headbands.

The sixth reason is because it is similar to volleyball, tennis and raquetball, but it hurts less than any of those and requires much less movement.  You can be lazy and play badminton, but you can’t be lazy with those other sports.  Why?  Because if you get hit in the face with a shuttlecock, you experience a minor tickling sensation and it is almost pleasnt.  If you get in the face with a raquetball, you get knocked out and end up in the hospital.

So never say “it’s only badminton”, because it’s not.  That is an insult to the players and viewers of the sport.  It’s like saying “It’s only oxygen” or “It’s only Johnny Depp”.  We just don’t do that.