I’ve decided to take a break from answering the questions submitted via the Ask the Darcy link (keep submitting them, though, they are fun and interesting!), and write about things that make me irrationally and instantly angry. I’m actually not an angry person at all, I’m happy 99% of the time. That’s what makes the things that make me angry pretty random and irrational.
There are the obvious things that are actually justifiable, like people who are mean to animals, people who are mean or hurt other people, and the fact that grocery stores keep lobsters in a tank with their claws tied closed while they wait for someone to pick them out and eat them. I tend not to linger on those, though, because as I’ve mentioned, I’m fickle and can be easily distracted. I’m already distracted from writing the blog about things that make me angry by reruns of Friends. That show is always funny, there is never a time it’s not funny.
So, irrational anger. The Fine Young Cannibals. I can’t describe the feeling of instant rage I get when they start singing in their strange, high pitched, non melodious voices. There’s no explanation for this, there’s plenty of music I don’t like, but if someone played FYC in front of me on purpose, I would probably actually start a frustration dance. I have, in fact, in the past, done frustration dances because that CD came into the bookstore and Manager Dave taunted me with it. Then he sang it. This is the kind of frustration/anger that causes me to flap, hop back and forth from one foot to another, pace, and sometimes bang parts of my body against solid objects to make the frustration stop. This is the kind of reaction we are talking.
Next up is repetitive noises that are being made by someone other than me. If it’s a steady thumping noise, I’m ok with it. But if it is not properly on beat, it’s awful. Or if someone is “drumming” on their desk or something, that’s bad. Squeaking, high pitched buzzing, people who talk too much or too many people talking at the same time. Those are all bad.
People who interrupt. Yes, I interrupt, but that is entirely different because when I interrupt it’s because there is something really important that I need to say and everyone else needs to hear. That is TOTALLY understandable. If someone interrupts ME, that is just unacceptable. If I get cut off mid sentence, it’s instant frustration dance. In a similar vein, I get irrationally angry when someone asks me a question and then proceeds to provide what they think the answer might be. For instance, “How tall are you?” and before I can answer they say “I’d guess you’re about 5’6 because I had a cousin who was 5’8 and you look about two inches shorter than her, and also my aunt is 5’1 and you are definitely taller than her. So you’re 5’6?” No, I’m 5’4. Or another example from the bookstore – “How does it work when you sell books? Do you just come to my house and look at what I have? Or should I bring a list of every title and you can look at it? I have them all arranged alphabetically on cherry wood shelves, and I have a list of them alphabetically and by author, so I can give you both lists and you can just come up with a price, I’ll come back in about three hours so you have time, thanks, bye.” The answer to that is “No, absolutely not, bring in your stupid books, give me five minutes with them, stay in the stupid store and don’t tell me how to do my job.” Wow. That was SO refreshing just now. I never got to say that, obviously. If you ever feel like asking me a question in person or on the phone in the future, ask the question and then remain silent while I give you the answer, rather than you providing me with options for the answer. But again, *I* am allowed to interrupt, because it’s what I do. And I don’t usually interrupt with answers to questions that I’ve asked, I interrupt with a thought that I’ve had that may or may not be related to the subject at hand.
I really like Edible Arrangements, just in case anyone ever wants to send me a gift. See, that is the kind of random thought I would interrupt someone else with.
Ok, lastly, naked people. A perfectly good movie or tv show can be completely ruined by a naked person. Just leave your clothes on and I bet you can still get your point across. And “naked” includes “scantily clad” or “topless” or “suggesting that maybe you will be naked later”. James Bond, for instance. Super cool guy with super cool cars and like, super human powers – and then he’s got to go and get naked CONSTANTLY and be all slobbery and very NOT COOL anymore. So I hate James Bond for that reason. I really want to like James Bond, but I just can’t. Batman. I’m not going to give anything away about the Dark Knight Rises, but let me just say, total badass, and then naked. BOOM. No longer as awesome. Still awesome, just not AS awesome.
So my advice to the world is keep your clothes on, never interrupt me, and destroy all Fine Young Cannibal CDs. Oooh, I think I just came up with another rule for Dartopia. I have to work on that.