God Probably Does Not Like Burritos

A user submitted the following question via the Ask the Darcy link:

Can God microwave a burrito so hot that not even he can eat it?

We’re dealing with a few different issues, here.  First, does God even like burritos?  Second, why would God ever need a microwave, he could zap it with his brain.  Third, if he did use a microwave and tried to microwave the burrito so that it was really hot, chances are that the burrito would be burnt or get really hard (you know when you microwave the heck out of something and it turns all hard?) and he would not want to eat it.

Let’s start with the first problem, does God like burritos?  I think he has no problem with Mexicans and their choice of food, but if you’re going with the Catholic idea of God, which I am, that means Jesus, and that means he lived in a place that did not have anything remotely close to burritos.  He ate spelt and grains.  Someone who is used to a diet of spelt and grains would probably have the worst intestinal distress ever if they were introduced to a burrito.  I mean, it could be a spelt burrito.  But most burritos have some kick to them, some spice, some hotness, whatever.  I don’t think they had that back then.  They didn’t put chili powder on their spelt.  They put like, figs and honey on their spelt.  All that is to say, Jesus ate bland and sweet things, with some yogurt or fish or something.  If he were introduced to a burrito, since he knows stuff, he would know not to eat it because it would really make his stomach hurt a lot.  He’s not used to that kind of spice and flavor.  Or meat, for that matter, because most people were vegetarians back then.  It’s not like there aren’t vegetarian burritos, there sure are!  But there is still the spice factor that I think would cause Jesus to have a very upset tummy.  So to answer the first problem, I do not think God would want to eat a burrito in the first place.

Secondly, we’re talking about an all knowing, all powerful being here, so he would so totally not use a microwave.  If he wanted a burrito, and wanted to risk intestinal distress, he’d zap a burrito to the perfect temperature with his brain.  A microwave would not even be involved.

Lastly, the burnt/hard burrito.  You know what happens if you put a Hot Pocket in the microwave for too long, it turns into a rock.  Burritos probably do the same thing.  If God wants to eat a rock, he’ll eat a rock, but who wants to eat a rock?  No one, that’s who.  Sometimes dogs eat rocks, and I don’t really know why, but they also eat cat poop and random things they find on the floor, so I’m not going to try to figure that one out.  But I can say with almost positive certainty that God would not want to eat a rock.

Ultimately, though, could God microwave a burrito so hot that even he could not eat it?  No, because even YOU could eat a really hot burrito, it’d just be stupid.  But you could.  There is no such thing as a burrito so hot that you can’t eat it.  You could microwave it and set it on fire and eat it, nothing is stopping you.  So that means duh, of course God can, too.  Is it a good idea?  No, eating a burrito that is on fire is not smart for anyone to do, including God.  But I am guessing out of all of us, if someone were to try to eat a really hot, or even flaming, burrito, God would be the one to survive it.  Because, you know, he doesn’t have a physical existence, so like, he might not even feel it.  If the question is really, Could God make a microwave that makes a burrito hotter than a normal microwave, the answer is no, because God doesn’t make microwaves.  Microwave Makers make microwaves in Microwave Factories.  God just zaps things that he wants to be hot, that’s why there is lightning.

I hope that answered your question very thoroughly, but if not, please feel free to submit any follow up questions.