I Accidentally Joined Fat Camp.

I have written a post or two about how I wanted my brain drugs and no one would give them to me.  Long story short, my shrink went elsewhere and so my general physician was prescribing my Zoloft and Klonopin for like, a year, and then she said “You should probably see a shrink for these” and so I made an appointment with a random lady who I found and she took me off Zoloft and Klonopin and put me on Paxil and after two months I gained two sizes and she kept saying “Well that shouldn’t be happening” but it was and then my general physician said “Duh, you don’t give a drug with a side effect of weight gain to a fat Diabetic” and so I stopped going to the random lady and stopped taking anything and it turns out I’m a real jerk without any brain drugs so I picked the first name I could pronounce off my insurance company’s website and made an appointment.

SO the night before my appointment I Googled the doctor and here is what I signed up for.  It’s fat camp.  She’s not just a shrink who dispenses drugs, she specializes in fat people.  And drugs also, so that was cool.  But anyway, I went and they put me on this scale that measures your fat and all the other stuff inside, like guts and veins and things, so that was kind of cool.  Then she said that of course I could have my Zoloft and Klonopin back, especially if I’m such a jerk without them, and also she was going to take a lot of blood to see if anxiety is in my DNA and IT IS.  I don’t know what the test was, but it is there, right in my DNA.  Now I want to know ALL THE THINGS IN MY DNA.  That’s the only one she tested.  Also, I have almost zero B12, I am not allergic to gluten but she said I should stop eating it anyway but I haven’t, and I have almost zero D3.  So she gave me pills for that and shots for the B12 which I have not yet filled the prescription for because I hate making phone calls, but I did get the D3 because I didn’t have to call anyone for that.  And then she said to take Omega 3 fish pills, but not just your standard crap you find at Walgreens, I had to order special ones that aren’t filled with 80% fish crap and are, instead, filled with actual fish oil.  She said that the ones that are filled with fish crap make you taste fish and burp fish, and these don’t, and it’s true, they don’t.  They are ginormous, though.  She said because I didn’t have enough Omega 3 that’s why I get insane cravings for fat in all forms, and if my brain holes get filled with the Omega 3, I won’t crave things like that.  And wouldn’t you know, she was right.  It’s weird.  I have noticed that I go to eat my standard pint of Ben and Jerry’s and I stand there and I think, I don’t even actually want this right now, I am just eating it because that’s what I do.  So I’ve lost some weight and that’s pretty cool, and I’m not a jerk because I have my Zoloft and Klonopin and that’s cool, too.

My cat built a nest and it is super cute.  I had a roll of toilet paper in a Malley’s bag and she pulled it out and ripped it up and built a nest out of it between the bag and my hoodie that was also on the floor.  I love my cat.

I have to get my car fixed tomorrow because I think I need new rotors again for the fourth time.  No one else in the world has had to replace their rotors four times, but I have.

Please enjoy this picture of my cat in her nest.


One thought on “I Accidentally Joined Fat Camp.

  1. Pingback: Meat Guilt. - My Food is Problematic

Comments are closed.