Unfortunately I only have audio of the events of the past hour, and not video, but here it is, transcribed:
Mom, shouting from kitchen: I AM SO BORED (sound of banging pots and pans) IT IS SO QUIET IN THIS HOUSE WHY IS THERE NO NOISE?
Dad: Oh no.
Mom: You just watch tv, that’s all you do! I said ‘Let’s go to Pittsburgh’ and you said ‘Ha, Pittsburgh’. I AM SO BORED. (more pots and pans banging)
Dad: You just scared the cat, look at that. Now he can’t eat his dinner (please note, my cat is a she)
Mom: THEN DO SOMETHING (pots and pans banging)
Me, shouting from the Family Room: Oh my gosh, Dad, take her out, do something.
Dad: What am I supposed to do??
Mom: I want to hear LOUD MUSIC. Where is the music? Is this one music? (rifling through my dad’s beloved and precious DVD collection, then she moves on to the CDs) Do I put it in here? (as she tries to put a CD in the DVD player) Where do I put it??
Dad: (peeing in bathroom)
Mom: Show me where to put the music, how does it work? Here’s Neil Diamond, I want to hear Neil Diamond LOUDLY. PUT IT ON KEN.
Me, from Family Room: Mom, I think he’s peeing.
Mom: I don’t care. I’m putting it on.
(sound of toilet flushing)
Dad: You can’t put a CD in the DVD player, we don’t have a CD player anymore, you have to listen to music on the tv. The music is on the tv, we don’t have the machine anymore. It’s not there. The machine is NOT THERE.
Mom: We’re going to dance, put the music on.
Dad: Ha. We’re going to dance. You can’t put a CD in the DVD player. It’s on the tv. That’s the only place to hear the music.
Mom: I DON’T CARE KEN, PUT THE MUSIC ON.
Me: Dad, for pete’s sake, put your socks on and take her out somewhere, you married her.
Dad: You’re being selfish, you just want me to get her out of here.
Mom: Do you want me to strip?
Dad and Me at the same time shouting over each other: God no, what?? Geez! Oh my gosh! No!
Mom: Let’s play strip poker.
Dad: (not breathing because he’s laughing so hard) Strip….poker….strip….
Mom: Come on, it’s just nudity.
Dad: (still laughing) Just…nudity…strip….
Me: Dad, do something!
Mom: Let’s just play regular poker. Or go to Pittsburgh.
Dad: It’s 7 o’clock at night, I’m not going to Pittsburgh!
Mom: You wouldn’t go when I asked you at noon, what difference does it make what time it is?? We can drive there and sit by the river and eat something.
Dad: I already have my dinner planned.
Me: Dad!?!? Do something.
Mom: Poker. Scrabble. Something.
Dad: Ok, I’ll play Scrabble.
Mom and me: Stunned silence
Dad: What choice do I have?
Mom: Good point, let’s play on the porch.
Here is photographic evidence that my dad is actually playing Scrabble (the last time he played was 30 years ago and he threw the board over in frustration), while he eats his fancy dinner of cereal.