I Just Performed Surgery On Myself.

Here is too much information about my thighs…specifically my right thigh.  I have a reoccurring cyst on the inside of my right thigh.  It usually shows up, hurts a little, and goes away after a few days.  This time it showed up and grew to the size of a walnut and it hurt a lot.  I did what most people would do – I grabbed a knife and stabbed it.  I have no idea what I was thinking.  I am a Type 1 Dia-bad-ass and that means I get infected easily, so where does it make sense to stab myself in an infected bump with a knife…that was not sterilized?  It does not make sense.  But that is what I did.  It oozed and now it is the size of a grape and I e-mailed my doctor and said that maybe she could give me some antibiotics because I am probably going to contract one of the hepatitis viruses or like, die or something, from stabbing myself in the thigh with an unsterilized knife.  **Edited to add that my doctor already responded to my e-mail and said I most likely won’t die.

I have to say, though, unless you are bat shit crazy, it is pretty difficult to just willingly stab yourself.  Like, very difficult.  I had to sit there for about 10 minutes thinking about how much the walnut sized bed of infection on my thigh hurt, and how much less it would hurt if some of the goo oozed out.  Then, you know, you can’t just STAB.  You start by poking and then you’re all like “Ugh, this is awful, and so gross, and I have a knife point in my thigh”, but that is not enough to just poke, so you really have to will yourself to get up the guts to just stab.  Hang on, I might be about to pass out.

Ok, I’m back.

Have you Asked the Darcy lately?  It’s the only way you can submit awesome questions like this one that I had a lot of fun answering or this one that turned out to be my drunk brother quoting the Simpsons.

In other news, I bought a $50 gift card to Walmart for a friend so he could buy some necessities because he doesn’t get paid from his new job for awhile and needed stuff.  I set it to be e-mailed to him and they said it would be there almost instantly.  Three days later, I get a phone call from Walmart billing saying that I need to confirm that I bought this gift card and that it isn’t fraud.  This is AFTER I went through the extra steps on the website to verify myself.  I’m not sure what made them think it was fraud – the fact that I bought it or the fact that I took extra steps to verify myself.  I have always hated Walmart because it is so disorganized and – well, far be it for me to judge – but the clientele can be scary.  Now I really hate them.  Do they just call everyone who makes a purchase and say “Are you sure?  Did you really mean this?  Do you want to take it back?  Are you sure?”

In even more news, my mom had an interview for a job and there are several funny things about this.  One, she’s 70 and has been retired for like 10 or 15 years.  Two, she was going to go to the interview in jeans and a tee shirt.  Three, when the lady called to set up the interview, my mom said “I don’t want you to be alarmed when I come in, but I’m 70 and have white hair” and the lady said “That’s ok, I could tell from your resume”.  I suppose when you list 1960 as your graduation date from college, they can figure it out.  So at the interview one of the questions was “If a child were to bite another child, how would you handle the situation” and without missing a beat, my mom said “I’d bite the kid and say “there, how do YOU like it?” and the funniest part is, she would.

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3 thoughts on “I Just Performed Surgery On Myself.

  1. OMG OMG OMG!!! A Firefly quote as your blog name!!!!! *falls over*

    5 minutes later

    *sits up* You are a big damn hero our new kitty furfriend. A big damn hero indeed.

    Nutty, Nacho, Buddy & Basil
    xxxx

  2. Hi there….we thought we’d pop over to visit since you gave us a visit – yikes on the “self-surgery” but it sounds like you know what’s going on as you and your cyst have danced this dance before! Just be CAREFUL! So, inquiring minds wanna know – did your Mom get the job in spite of everything????? Nice to meet you…..AND your 14-year old cat!

    Kitty Hugs, Sammy (and my Mom too)

  3. Hi Sammy the Kitty and NuttyNachoBasilandBuddy the piggies!! I am so happy you guys stopped by!

    Sammy’s mom – we don’t know yet if my mom got the job! The lady said there were more interviews and she’d let her know, but I’ll totally post about it if she gets it (or if she doesn’t)!

    NuttyNachoBasilandBuddy – I LOVE ALL THINGS JOSS WHEDON! River Tam is the best character ever!

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