I’ve Had A Knack From Way Back.

Here is one of my biggest confessions.  I LONG to be skinny for a variety of reasons, but the biggest reason is because I want to be a messed up crack whore in NYC from the 90’s.  That’s right.  I want to be Mimi Marquez.  From RENT.  Oh fine, you young’uns, you’ve never heard of RENT?  Here she is, in all her glory:

Watch it.  Watch the whole thing.  The outfit.  The confidence.  The skinniness.  The hair. The mixed race beauty.  The cat references.  I wanted to be Mimi ever since I saw that damn show.  But a fat girl who is very clearly NOT from NYC, has never been a “dancer” at the Cat Scratch Club, and has never had the scars of the nevers and maybes – I was not going Out Tonight.  But I tried.  I glittered.  I sparkled.  I wore shiny things.  I had awesome hair, just not Mimi Awesome Hair.  My biggest regret (forget regret, or life is yours to miss) is that I knew I would never, ever find the blue vinyl pants.

Guess what?


They aren’t exact.  But they are for fat girls.  They had my size.  They were only 10$.  I bought them.  I have some shrugs which came from my Mimi Fashion, and I do believe I have a sparkly top I can wear.  I just need shoes.

I will be standing at the top of my stairs recreating “Out Tonight” in just about a week or so, when my box comes in the mail.  I will be a middle aged, fat, pasty white, non ethnic, short haired, clumsy Latina stripper/crack addict.  I WILL BE MIMI.  I will live my dream and no one can stop me.

I am embracing my 90’s Latina self, and I am going to ROCK THE HELL OUT OF THOSE PANTS.  I will never go out in public wearing them, but damn it, in my house, I WILL BE SEXY.  I’ll take some Tylenol PM so I can get the proper crackhead thing going, and I’ll put on my glittery make up that I am POSITIVE I still have and then I will make my pager go off and I will say “AZT break” and then what I will really take are some Tic Tacs.

I just need to find a balcony with a thing I can hang off of while I talk about my life back home where the Spanish babies cry.  I will find a bar, so dark we don’t know who we are and I will GO OUT TONIGHT.

I am 36.  I am white.  I am fat.  This is going to be fucking beautiful.


4 thoughts on “I’ve Had A Knack From Way Back.

  1. First I love that you have had the same dreams as me. Except I’m a boy. However I have been Mimi…as accurate a drag one as I know in existence…and let me say how it felt…hot. like sweaty hot. When you are not bone thin or sweating from being a crackhead…its hard to be a young wild latina girl! Especially with fake hips, fake butt, fake boobies (tho most never had any) and the wild hair!

    But really applause to you for coming into your own mimi. It doesn’t matter if it always shows on the outside, its about having her fire on the inside.

    Ps…I now desperately want opening Angel jeans….ya know the ones with the clear sequin treatment. As a fabric connoisseur, I know how rare that stuff is.

    • Pam, you are awesome! I love your comments!!! I’m so glad I found Sammy’s blog so he could introduce me to you!

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