Here is one of my biggest confessions. I LONG to be skinny for a variety of reasons, but the biggest reason is because I want to be a messed up crack whore in NYC from the 90’s. That’s right. I want to be Mimi Marquez. From RENT. Oh fine, you young’uns, you’ve never heard of RENT? Here she is, in all her glory:
Watch it. Watch the whole thing. The outfit. The confidence. The skinniness. The hair. The mixed race beauty. The cat references. I wanted to be Mimi ever since I saw that damn show. But a fat girl who is very clearly NOT from NYC, has never been a “dancer” at the Cat Scratch Club, and has never had the scars of the nevers and maybes – I was not going Out Tonight. But I tried. I glittered. I sparkled. I wore shiny things. I had awesome hair, just not Mimi Awesome Hair. My biggest regret (forget regret, or life is yours to miss) is that I knew I would never, ever find the blue vinyl pants.
They aren’t exact. But they are for fat girls. They had my size. They were only 10$. I bought them. I have some shrugs which came from my Mimi Fashion, and I do believe I have a sparkly top I can wear. I just need shoes.
I will be standing at the top of my stairs recreating “Out Tonight” in just about a week or so, when my box comes in the mail. I will be a middle aged, fat, pasty white, non ethnic, short haired, clumsy Latina stripper/crack addict. I WILL BE MIMI. I will live my dream and no one can stop me.
I am embracing my 90’s Latina self, and I am going to ROCK THE HELL OUT OF THOSE PANTS. I will never go out in public wearing them, but damn it, in my house, I WILL BE SEXY. I’ll take some Tylenol PM so I can get the proper crackhead thing going, and I’ll put on my glittery make up that I am POSITIVE I still have and then I will make my pager go off and I will say “AZT break” and then what I will really take are some Tic Tacs.
I just need to find a balcony with a thing I can hang off of while I talk about my life back home where the Spanish babies cry. I will find a bar, so dark we don’t know who we are and I will GO OUT TONIGHT.
I am 36. I am white. I am fat. This is going to be fucking beautiful.