Panic=Klonopin=Long Post

I have two fantastic questions waiting in the Ask the Darcy queue, and I am looking forward to answering them, but they will take a bit of time because they will be very picture intensive.

So in the meantime, I am going to write about my tattoos – the ones I currently I have and the ones I intend to get.  I am pretty sure I’ve written about my tattoos before, but I am writing about them again.  The new part is at the bottom where I discuss my upcoming tattoos.

My hand tattoo is very straight forward.  I got it in NYC when I was 21 and I did some research and decided I wanted the Japanese character for “fighting spirit”.  Any time someone asks me “What’s your tattoo mean” and I say “fighting spirit”, they say “Oh, ha, so you fight?”.  Like, no, I don’t.  Do I look like I fight?  I think I’ve made my inability to do anything physical pretty darn clear, and even if these people have not read my blog, they can tell just by looking at me.  The key to “fighting spirit” to me is “spirit”.  I am resilient.  I get through things and I usually come out very positively.  Things have been thrown at me that I had to struggle with and I have always won.  So that is what my hand tattoo means.



My other tattoo is a work of art and has so much significance, there is not a single part of it that does not have a very deep meaning.  BUT – the key to this – you can look at it and just think “that’s a really awesome tattoo” and you don’t need to know the meaning unless I tell you.  I’ll start with the picture so you can refer to it.


There is a lot going on here.  First, you may notice it is in the style of Van Gogh’s Starry Night.  My best friend Catharine who is dead now loved that painting.  That is Tribute Number One.  You may recognize that constellation as Gemini, which I am not.  Catharine and I always referred to ourselves as Castor and Pollux, respectively.  In the myth, Castor and Pollux are twins, but Castor is mortal and Pollux is not.  Castor dies, and Pollux can’t function and begs Zeus to let him join Castor in Hades.  Zeus decides to make them a constellation and the star Pollux follows the star Castor across the sky so that they are always together.  Pollux is the “head” of the stick figure on the left, and Castor is the “head” of the guy on the right, in orange.  Castor is in orange because Catharine was Castor and orange was her favorite color.  So those are Tributes Number Two and Three.  Tribute Number Four is the writing in Latin around the constellation.  It says “Mecum es, quasi signum in corde impressum meo”.  It is spelled correctly on my back, but I honestly don’t  know if I just spelled it correctly here because I can’t see my back.  The Latin means, essentially, “You are with me like a handprint on my heart”.  I say essentially because there is no real direct translation for that.  That is a line from the musical Wicked (which we both loved), specifically the song For Good. The lyrics and emotion behind that song are the perfect representation of me and Catharine.

Click here to watch the whole song.

So those are my current tattoos, and here is what I am going for next.

I appreciate and strive to exemplify the following qualities:  empathy, generosity, kindness, charity, faith, hope, loyalty, innocence, wisdom, healing, imagination and resilience.

One by one, I am going to come up with an artistic representation, most likely related to saints, for each of those qualities and I am going to tattoo them on to my person.  The way I see it, if you tattoo something that means “hope” on your body, you have no choice but to live that way.  You’ve made a commitment.  Having it tattooed can only make it that much more of a personality trait and eventually, I can be one of the goodest people on earth.  I know goodest isn’t a word, don’t worry.

My ultimate goal is to have a tattoo of an angel on my back, with very large and strong wings, and under one wing I want to write “where there is darkness, light” and under the other wing I want to write “where there is sadness, joy” (parts of the Prayer of Saint Francis).

Part of this links back to me feeling like I’m on the Wrong Planet.   By getting tattoos of traits that I think I am composed of, I feel like it will a) make me a better person;  b) constantly remind me of some of the reasons I am different;  c) make me feel connected to something.

I’ve talked about my wings before.  I still think I’m just not in the right place in the universe because, while I meet people with similarities to me, I have never met anyone like me except for Sasha.  And I’m happy about that.  I like the way I am, but sometimes it is overwhelming and dissatisfying because I do not accomplish what I know I can.

That was probably way too much information, but there you have it.  And if you are an artist who wants to help me do artistic representations of any of those qualities I listed, please let me know.

Ask the Darcy, Help the Kitties, and post my site in places where people might come to it!

2 thoughts on “Panic=Klonopin=Long Post

  1. Aww Darcy I loved this one! The tattoo of the constellations is so perfect in so many ways. I like the St. Francis quotes too and especially because he was the saint of animals (I’m pretty sure!) and animals are such a big part of your life.

  2. Thank you Leah! Saint Francis is my favorite – he is the patron saint of animals and he was also an extremely giving person – literally giving the shirt off his back to people who need it, etc.

Comments are closed.