For the love of God and all that is holy, another grasshopper landed on me yesterday. This is the second time in my life where that which I fear the most…or, well, ok in the top five of my fears…or at least the top 10….has happened. A freaking green as all hell grasshopper jumped and flew at the same time, which is precisely why they freak me out, and it landed ON MY HEAD. This is actually better than landing on my neck, which is what happened last time. (You know those blue things are links to the blogs that I refer to, right?). So I am walking from my car to the garage, and I feel a THUMP on my head, because grasshoppers are freaking big and make noise when they land, and naturally, I spazzed out and so it went from my head to my sleeve, at which point I spazzed out even more and it landed elsewhere. I do not know exactly where, so that is why I had to run into the house and not leave again for at least several hours.
I can’t even begin to imagine what my neighbors think when they see me coming or going from my house because I am almost always doing something really stupid. Spazzing out over a grasshopper, talking a squirrel out from under my car, staring up into a tree “chattering” back at a squirrel, tripping, dropping things, getting in and out of my car 3 times because I’ve forgotten something, running from something (speedwalking, really, I don’t run), flapping at something I think is near me, looking over my shoulder because I swear I saw someone following me…and then I am absolutely paranoid because one time this dude from high school was at his friends house across the street…oh wait, I should clarify this. We were not at high school at the time, this was several months ago. It just happens that I have known him since like, third grade, and now we live down the street from each other and he has a million kids and yells at other people’s kids who run on his lawn. He’s basically an old man. But anyway, he is friends with everyone, and sometimes he is across the street from my house and one time he texted me a picture of my house while I was sitting in my house, not knowing he was across the street. So now I assume any time I am doing something stupid outside, which is pretty much any time I am outside, he is out there taking pictures of me.
For instance, I mowed the lawn a few weeks ago. My lawn is a hill that goes straight down. The lawn mower drives itself. It’s not a riding mower, but you know, it goes by itself, you are supposed to hold the handle and not have to push because it is going forward on its own. The thing, I swear, goes 25 miles an hour and I was essentially lying down behind it being dragged across my lawn. Add that to the fact that I was sideways trying to navigate the hill (not up and down, side to side) and it was a sight to behold. My dad usually mows the lawn even though he is nearly 73 and is on chemotherapy, he will NOT let anyone touch the lawn. But in a moment of insanity, he told me I could do it. When I see him mow the lawn, I think he’s crazy, because he does it so intensely, but then I realized, he’s not pushing the lawn mower that fast, he’s actually running behind it to keep up.
Anyway, the entire point of that story is that I am positive Ben Boysza has a collection of pictures of me doing weird things outside of my house.
I will now do you a favor and share with you pictures of my cat. The first few are from when she was a baby Squishy. I got her when she was 6 months old. She was much more stripey back then, and was grey with black stripes, and now she is less stripey and grey with some reddish brown. Her little chest has always been peach, though. Oh, and the picture of her with the dog is very unique – that was Brady, our dog, and he was terrified of Sabrina once he got to know her, so there are not many pictures of them together. That picture is from the early days. And the picture of her behind bars is when my friends got her from the APL!
I want my cat to be famous, so “like” this on Facebook and share it and make everyone you know come and look at her cuteness. That is your assignment for this week.