100 Reasons Why.

So there’s this guy, Paul Hudson, and he writes “articles” for a website even crappier than himself, called Elite Daily.  The problem with his “articles” are that they are so filled with his arrogance, he does not notice when he contradicts himself or when he is promoting rape.  Much like Russell Crowe’s acting, his arrogance overshadows any point he is trying to make.  He recently wrote a list of 100 things he thinks are essential for any 20-something to know.  I’ve copied the list here and I’m countering with my own list.  Before you read my comments, you kind of have to read through his entire list, because he goes in a nonlogical order, so I refer to things in the 80’s or 90’s in the 10’s and 20’s.

Also, in an article he wrote about how to get around in NYC without people hating you, he listed that he hates the dumbfounded faces of tourists when they see people getting on and off the subway at the same time, then a few points later, he says it is illogical to try to get on the subway until people have gotten off.  So…he agrees with the dumbfounded tourists but hates them for thinking that?

**Edited on 11/22/13 to add that Elite Daily actually censored the original list and changed some of it so it is not quite as rapey, but this is the original list that Paul Hudson, aka #AssWad wrote.  Elite Daily also added a note saying the views of the piece are not theirs. That is pretty bad when you write for a piece of crap website and they won’t even acknowledge you are a part of them.  –Darcy

1. You need a minimum of an hour to get ready before work or class.

No, you don’t.  I don’t know what he’s doing that takes this long, but after an informal poll conducted by my friend Jeremy, the average prep time is 25-35 minutes for both men and women.  A woman with long hair gets an extra 10 minutes for a total of 45.  If you are taking longer than that, you are too filled with arrogance to be allowed in public.

2. Don’t hit the snooze button. If you gotta get up, then get up.

Whatever, this one doesn’t really matter, but it’s still pretty stupid.  Hitting the snooze button doesn’t make or break anyone.

3. Shaving is more than a suggestion. That goes for men and double for women.

This is the beginning of a trend in which Paul includes “tips” for women on how to look better and how to please their men.  Paul is sorely misguided.  Shaving is optional.  If a woman wants to have hairy legs, or anything else, it’s not only optional, but if her employer comments on it or fires her for it, it’s illegal.  If her boyfriends comments on it, then he’s probably not the right guy for her to have in her life.

4. If you eat enough pizza, you will turn into a tub of oily cheese.

And if you espouse enough arrogant “advice”, people will not respect you.  Mine is much more realistic.

5. Running isn’t just for four-legged animals.

That’s fine, but not everyone likes to run and running is not necessary to stay fit or healthy.

6. Getting high gets old.

So does listening to philosophy majors.

7. Getting drunk doesn’t. But don’t tell that to your liver.

Yes, it actually does.  When you are older than 24, getting drunk can get very old.

8. Unprotected sex is a regret waiting to happen.

I can agree with that.

9. The quiet ones are the best between the sheets — although it may take some time for them to open up.

This is based on what, exactly?  This is the most ridiculous presumption, it’s like saying everyone who wears glasses is smart, or every philosophy major is a pompous ass.

10. Dating is overrated and usually a waste of time.

Overrated and a waste of time, but you should do it if you meet someone and instantly know you will fall in love with them, but also, don’t be afraid to fall in love (that comes later).  Sooooo….we can’t get to know a person by dating them, we just have to know right off the bat if we might fall in love with them.  Forget getting to know someone and learning that you actually do love them!  You must know INSTANTLY!

11. Don’t date unless you think you may fall in love with them.

See above.

12. Facebook is boring and a waste of time. It is. Really.

But it’s not going away and it’s how most of us stay in touch with people we would otherwise never see again in our lives, so it’s not a complete waste of time.

13. When you think you’re missing out, you’re not.

Well, but yeah, sometimes you are.  Sometimes you opt to not go to your friends house and it turns out they had a great game night and everyone is laughing about it the next day and you know what?  You missed out.  It’s not the end of the world, but you miss out on things.

14. Nothing good happens after 3 a.m.

Except for the rest of the day when you wake up and do things until 3am rolls around again.

15. Sex is better if you are emotionally involved with your partner.

But don’t date anyone to find that partner, because dating is a waste of time, and also, being a whore is completely fine (see #56), and you’re an idiot if you wait until you get married to have sex (see #38).  How many contradictions can we count?

16. Reading is always better than watching TV.

As an extremely avid reader, I can say that this is not always true.  Sometimes it’s pleasant to watch tv.

17. Watching reality TV makes you dumber.

You’d have to have a brain injury or some sort of significant brain event to actually lose intelligence, and I’m pretty sure that even reality tv doesn’t have that ability.

18. Yay, you can twerk!! But can you do anything useful?

This is the only slightly amusing thing on here.

19. The way people see you is just as important as the way you see yourself.

No, it’s not, as proven by the hundreds of negative comments Paul received based on this list.  Terms like “rapey asshole” and “misogynist pig” were thrown around frequently, and I have a feeling his response would be “I don’t care what people say about me”, or something similar.  But clearly, the way the public sees him is not as important to him as he sees himself, or he would not have written this arrogant piece of rapey crap.

20. Friends are hard to come by. Don’t ignore those you have.

Maybe you could use Facebook to stay in touch with them.

21. Most people want something from you.

Accepted.

22. There is no such thing as free.

There is, you just have to be careful about it.

23. You don’t have a hole in your wallet; money just disappears.

There is no hole, and money does not just “disappear”, it goes somewhere very specific.  The money was used for something, and that is where it went.  There is no disappearing.

24. Putting more money into your car than the car is worth makes you look like a dickhole.

So does writing this article, but to each his own – let the car guy work on his car and Paul can keep writing pieces of crap.

25. Listening to music too loud CAN make you go deaf.

I’m not sure why this is only relevant to 20-somethings, but ok.

26. Drunken sloppy sex is only good the first time — maybe first two times.

But actually, sex is better if you are emotionally involved with someone, didn’t we already cover this?

27. Don’t spend money on things you don’t need because you won’t have money for the things that you do need.

I think this is why his money “disappears”.

28. If you want to know if the relationship will work out, then let him see you without your makeup.

And what should he do to get her approval?

29. Being in a relationship is not a reason to let yourself go.

What are the reasons to “let yourself go”?  Because I can’t really think of any…

30. More tongue is not the answer.

Was the question “Can I get me some of that beef tongue, it looks delicious?”

31. Ladies: your teeth are for chewing. We don’t like to be chewed.

Gentlemen, most ladies do not like to do the activity that would lead to you being chewed on, so if a lady accidentally nicks you with a tooth, that would probably not be the best time to criticize her technique.

32. Guys: she may say it’s an exit only, but that’s only because she’s never given it a try. #Shocker

First, hashtags aren’t always appropriate, see below.  Second, this is also called rape.  “She said she didn’t want to, but I knew she did”.  No means no, and if you proceeded with an activity because you “just knew” she’d love it and has never tried it before, you have just raped someone.  People like some things and not others, and it is NOT up to you to decide what the truth is.  If someone tells you they don’t like something, you don’t do it.  This is the one that made me not just think this guy is an arrogant jerk, but that he has no idea what rape is and is most likely inclined to do it.

33. Stop using hashtags. They’re not always appropriate.

#AssWad

34. If you can get her into bed before date 3, then you’ll get bored with her by week 2.

But the fact that you are trying to get her in bed before date 3 makes you a superhero, and if she agrees, she’s a whore – but remember, according to #56, that is perfectly fine.  Also, we are assuming you know that you will love her if you are dating her, so obviously you wouldn’t try to get her to do something whore-ish and then ditch her!  You only date people if you know you are going to fall in love!  Duh!

35. If you give it up too soon then he’ll consider you conquered and move onto the next mountain.

This is not a problem with women, and the fact that #AssWad doesn’t realize that is extremely disturbing.

36. Women are never free.

No, remember – we’re whores, we charge.

37. Men may not only be looking for sex, but sex is definitely a part of it. A big part.

Not men.  Boys.  Men look for an actual relationship.  Boys look for sex.

38. Waiting until you get married to have sex is stupid.

Having sex with a lot of people, considering women mountains to conquer, blaming a woman for agreeing to sex before the third date and publicly writing that it’s ok to rape a woman because she just doesn’t know what she likes because she hasn’t tried – that is all NOT stupid.  (that was sarcasm)

39. Bad sex = bad relationship.

Some day the sex ends and you are left with your personality, emotional connection, interests, intelligence, and love for each other.  Sex is unrelated to the success of a relationship except in the cases of people who are so shallow they consider that a deal breaker.  Marry the love of your life who doesn’t enjoy sex, or marry someone who loves sex but you don’t care for as much – I would choose the personality any day.

40. If you’re going to get a tattoo then make it small and have it somewhere inconspicuous.

Or be yourself and get it wherever and of whatever you want and let other people mind their own business.

41. Savings accounts are not for dummies.

But this list is!

42. You will hate yourself for getting a new credit card.

Not if you know how to use it properly!

43. If you’re feeling sh*tty, get some exercise.

Or read this article and you’ll feel like a saint!

44. You should always do your best to look your best because it will make you feel your best.

You should always do your best to ACT your best regardless of how you look because someone will always, always think you are ugly, wearing the wrong clothes, wearing the wrong tie, wearing too much/not enough make up – but if you are acting your best, none of that matters.

45. Orgies.

Seriously?

46. Learn to play chess.

You really want to make sure you know how to do the Sicilian Defense so that you can perform your best in all the orgies you go to.

47. The world works, in large part, by manipulation.

That actually is a good thing to consider in life, kudos to #AssWad for coming up with a second good point in this list that is currently at 47 items.

48. Having the ability to read people will get you further in life than anything else.

No, it won’t.  Having the ability to be selfless and still successful will get you further in life.  Perfecting the skills needed for your job will get you far.  Being nice to people will get you far.  Reading people helps, but I can tell you from experience, is not necessary to get far in life.

49. It’s not just whom you know, but also what you know that matters.

This should be reversed so the importance is on WHAT you know, but I’ll give this half a point for being ok advice.

50. You should live in New York City for at least a year.

Unless, you know, you don’t want to.

51. You should live abroad for at least a year.

Unless, you know, you don’t want to.

52. As a rule of thumb, don’t do drugs. You don’t ever know what you’re actually taking.

But drink as much as you want, ladies, because I’m sure #AssWad didn’t slip a date rape drug in your drink.

53. Less is almost always more.

Unless you are talking about sex, sexual partners (for men only, if you are a woman, that makes you a whore, but that’s ok!), alcohol or giving bad advice.

54. Beauty lies in simplicity.

Unless you are female, then it lies entirely in your physical appearance, your hour long morning prep routine, your weight, your ability to give a blowjob, your ability to remain pure and celibate until after the third date while men can do whatever they want, and how hairy you are.

55. Overcomplicating things leaves things overly complicated.

And writing stupid one liners can leave you with a list of 100 stupid one liners.

56. If you sleep around with a lot of people, then you are a whore. But who cares? As long as you’re clean, you’re clean.

Right!  Who cares!  But if you are obese, you are immoral.  But be a whore!  Yay whores!  But not a fat whore.

57. Make mistakes now. Making them later will be too late.

No, it won’t.  You’ll always make mistakes and you’ll maybe usually learn something from them, but mostly, you’ll be making mistakes for the rest of your life, don’t worry about setting a limit for just making them now.

58. We all want what we can’t have. Remind yourself of that every day.

Why?

59. You can do less and produce more.

Or you can do more and produce more, too.  Or do less and produce less, or do more and produce more.  Or produce less by doing some parts more and some parts less.  Or produce more by….oh forget it.

60. It’s all about efficiency.

Efficiency is good, but it’s about a lot of other things, too – like, according to this list, shaving, putting out, having intelligence, knowing people.

61. You can’t buy time.

This is just the author trying to sound clever by repeating something 8 million people before him have said.  It’s pointless to include it in a “new” list.

62. Time itself is an illusion. Always think: “I’ll be there before I know it.” And you’ll prove yourself right each time.

This doesn’t even make sense.  It’s not an illusion, it’s a way of ordering the world and history.  And you can’t get there before you know it because you will know when you are almost there, so you know when you are going to get there. Plus, GPS usually tells you your arrival time.

63. They stopped making good music in the 90s.

There is good and bad to be found in music of every decade, don’t be so self important as to declare the “end” of good music.  Your grandparents will tell you good music stopped being made in the 50’s, and they’re wrong, too.

64. You don’t actually want to be a DJ. You just don’t understand what it means to be one.

#AssWad calls himself a DJ on his little bio, so this is his attempt to say “I am so self important, you don’t even know what I do, nor would you even be able to attempt it”….except for all those other people who are DJs and do it, too.  But of course you “just don’t understand’, just like women just don’t understand that they love anal sex!!  (holy cow, I can’t believe I just typed that)

65. Lower your expectations and you won’t be so disappointed.

Or keep them high and work to find the person/thing/job/dream that fits what you expect.

66. Using toys can be fun for both parties.

But if a girl does it, she’s a whore who doesn’t shave.

67. Size does matter. It goes for both sexes.

Only for the shallow.

68. If you expect oral sex then have the courtesy to lather and rinse beforehand.

He’s going to tell me about sex and courtesy?  This is laughable.

69. Don’t say I love you unless you mean it.

Also, don’t say “please pass the ketchup” unless you are ACTUALLY going to use the ketchup.  Whore.

70. Don’t be afraid to fall in love.

But only do it if you haven’t dated the person, because that would be a waste of time.

71. Yoga.

Water aerobics.

72. Violence is for idiots. Use your words.

Unless your words are “I want to have anal sex with you” and the response is “No, I don’t like that”, then just do it anyway, because that is your right, as a man.

73. Being smarter does make you the better person.

Being considerate and loving and accepting makes you the better person.  Being smarter makes you more advantaged.

74. Kill them with kindness.

Unless they are women who don’t shave.

75. You don’t need to be an assh*le to get ahead in life, but you can’t be a pushover either.

Practice what you preach.

76. Your cellphone is ruining your life.

So is global warming, Monsanto, weapons, drugs, skyrocketing prices on gasoline, cheeseburgers, radiation and crazy dictators from other countries.  But obviously, my cell phone is the biggest thing.

77. There is no substitute for face-to-face human interaction.

Unless you don’t enjoy it, then e-mail, texting, and online chatting are a great substitute.

78. Get checkups regularly. It could save your life.

Third thing I agree with!

79. If you’re going to smoke, then use a vaporizer.

Fourth thing!

80. It is morally wrong to be obese.

But it’s ok to be a whore, so choose that one instead.  Or you could choose the vanity one, or the one about greed, or about pride, or envy or lust…..

81. A good blowjob goes a long way.

No, because then the guy will assume that mountain is conquered and move on to the next challenge, remember?

82. Slow and gentle will always get her off. Rough and intense only works on occasion.

Why don’t you just ask her?

83. If you’re using the pulling-out method, then you have a good chance of pulling out a baby in a few months.

This one is mildly amusing.

84. Don’t drink cheap liquor.

Because getting drunk never gets old and obviously, we can all afford the high end liquor.

85. Don’t eat crap food.

Or take crap advice.

86. Drink lots and lots of water. Most of you are chronically dehydrated.

There is no science behind this, only pop medicine.

87. Meditate.

Couldn’t hurt.

88. Sudoku helps fight off future dementia.

So do other puzzle games if you don’t like Sudoku.

89. You don’t have ADD.

This one kind of made me laugh.  But some people do.

90. You’re most likely to be your own cause of depression.

No, usually a chemical imbalance is the cause of depression.

91. The way you see the world is all that matters. But understand that you may be delusional.

It’s not all that matters, in most cases, you need to understand how a lot of people see the world in order to get anything accomplished.

92. There’s always more to the story.

Sometimes, but not always.

93. People lie.

Duh.

94. You are alone in this life. Accept that and appreciate the moments when you don’t feel so alone.

Not if you have friends and family.

95. Family is more important.

But wait…you are alone in this life.  You were supposed to have accepted that.

96. If you don’t work to improve yourself everyday then you are wasting your life.

Very few lives are actually a waste.

97. Passion is what makes life worth living.

For some people, not for everyone.

98. You are always better off than most people in the world.

I accept this.

99. You aren’t entitled to sh*t — nada. You get what you earn.

I agree absolutely, and this guy isn’t entitled to a girlfriend based on the way he perceives women.

100. No matter what happens, never give up. Ever.

Unless you’ve reached the point where it is more logical to give up and move on.  Then you should definitely give up.

 

Here is a picture of my bunny that I had as a teenager.

IMG_6642

 

10 thoughts on “100 Reasons Why.

  1. Wow, what an idiot. Stupid doesn’t cover it.

    Our hoomans says some girl needs to give him a good slap and then tell him to read this so he realizes how stupid he sounds!

    Nacho, Noah, Buddy & Basil
    xxxx

    • Your hoomans are smart! Also, I think he should be covered in parsley and other green things, and you four should be released upon him! Wait, that’s not a punishment, who am I kidding?

    • Hahaha, I hope his name becomes AssWad across the internet! Who is that dog in your picture?? Also, feel free to repost this so I can become internet famous!

  2. Thank you for this!!
    I wrote a critique about this article too. But bravo on your ability to inject some humour while exposing asswad’s stupidity. I was way to angry to accomplish a comedic feat like that.
    In sum, you’re awesome.

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