I am a horrible person, do you see how long it has been since I posted? I know people are not like, sitting on the edge of their seat waiting for that notification, but I still feel like I have been neglectful.
That is what it looks like when my cat sits on me.
Here is what happened a few nights ago. I went to bed SUPER LATE because I COULD NOT SLEEP. It was frustrating. My legs were all kicky and I had the Jimmy Legs and I just could not sleep. Around 3:30am, I fell asleep. At 5am, I heard my cat meow. She has different meows for different occasions. Here are some examples:
Mow. Mow. Mow. That means she is bored and wants attention and/or treats. And it is not pronounced “mow” like you mow your lawn, it is pronounced like Chairman Mao. I suppose I could have spelled it that way for clarification but then you would have been confused as to whether she was meowing or chanting Chairman Mao’s name. I really feel I chose the best possible option.
Mrahow. Mrahow. I do not know how to spell that phonetically, so use your imagination. That is when she is sitting by her food dish because it is only half full and that is obviously cause for alarm.
Brrrrrrrow. Brrrrrrrow. Brrrrrrrow. This is when she is on high alert. Most likely her food dish is slightly less than half full and she is panicking, or possibly she REALLY wants treats NOW and will DIE immediately if she does not get them. This particular meow is usually reserved for 3am-6am.
So it is 5am and I am asleep and I hear “Brrrrrrrow” “Brrrrrrrrow” and I woke up. I said “Sabrina?” and usually when I say that she comes running into the room, but instead, she continued to say “Brrrrrrrow” “Brrrrrrrrow” in a more frantic manner. I shook her treat bag which NEVER has failed to get her to come running. Still nothing. “Brrrrrrrrow”. “Brrrrrrrrrow”. I finally got up because clearly, this was more important than treats or a less than half full food bowl. I went into the hall and looked, and she was not there, so I said her name again and heard “Brrrrrrrow” from the library room.
She was sitting there in the dark, not moving. I turned on the light and her eyes were frantic and she said “Brrrrrrrow?” and in her mouth was a very dead, very large mouse. Sabrina has caught a mouse one other time in her life and it was much smaller and I am fairly certain she killed it by accident. We found it dead on the family room floor. This mouse was in her mouth and she VERY clearly did not want it there and did not know what to do about it being there. She was meowing without moving her mouth, which was hilarious. This is what I am pretty sure she was saying:
Me: Sabrina, oh my gosh, is that a mouse?
Sabrina: Brrrrrrrow (Get this the fuck out of my mouth)
Me: Oh my gosh, a mouse….uhhh…..
Sabrina: Brrrrrrrrow (Remove it. Now.)
Me: Ummmm, good girl!? Uhhhh….
Sabrina: Brrrrrrrow (Get. It. Out.)
Me: Dad??? DAD?! There is a dead animal in Sabrina’s mouth!!!!
Sabrina: Brrrrroow (Don’t want. Get it out. OUT NOW.)
Dad: What did you say? (coming sleepily out of his room)
Me: Sabrina has something in her mouth.
Sabrina: Brrrrrrrrow (GET IT OUT GET IT OUT GET IT OUT)
At this point, I was hopping back and forth from one leg to the other freaking out and my dad told me to go get something to put the mouse in. I returned with an empty Situation bag. If you do not know what a Situation is, or if you need a reminder, read this. So you know, Situations come in like, a plastic sort of….it’s not really a bag, but it is definitely not a box, either. You know what I mean, the blue and yellow brick-like things that hold your 24 or 36 Situations together. Anyway, the bag part was empty, so I brought it to my dad.
He said “I guess this will work” and then held it open under Sabrina’s mouth (she had not moved an inch this whole time, she was sincerely horrified) and said “Drop it. Drop it, cat”. She did not drop it but looked at us desperately. “Come on, cat. Drop it”. No dropping. Finally, I really do not know what he did, but I think he used the Situation bag as sort of a glove and pried it from her teeth. I continued hopping and Sabrina stayed motionless.
My dad went downstairs with the dead mouse, and I went over to make sure Sabrina was ok and she looked at me as if to say “What the fuck was that?” She was genuinely shocked and it was so funny and cute. Then she had mouse blood on the white part of her chin, so I cleaned her little face, and she went searching around my room to make sure there was nothing else.
My dad came up and at this point it was about 5:30am and he said “Well, I’m going to take a shower now” and I said “Did you get mouse guts on you?” and he said “No, but I’m awake and I have nothing better to do”. Then I asked where the mouse came from and he said “All those books and debris in your room, who knows what is living in there?” I told him mice are not attracted to books and the “debris” is clothes, but he still insists that there are mice in my room because I leave clothes and books on the floor.
I gave Sabrina a lot of treats so she could get the mouse essence out of her mouth. She did not like it.