I Bought A Car And Ate Pancakes And Then Saw A Squirrel Die.

On Saturday my dad and I were going to go look at cars in case someday in the coming months I need to buy one.  He said we would only go if we left before noon.  I really have no idea why he instituted that rule, but that was the rule.  We left the house at about 11:45 and went to the Kia dealership because I wanted to look at the Kia Soul.

We walked in and there was a line of men waiting to talk to another man at a table and it turned out the man at the table was Bob Golic.  My dad was impressed, but I did not know who he was, so I asked and it turns out he used to play football and now he has a radio show.  He was doing his radio show from the Kia Dealership, which was neat, and the men in line were there to get his autograph.  There were actually two men at the table and because I do not look at people, I did not know what they looked like.  This is relevant later.

Mike the Car Salesman introduced himself and was very nice even though I had reservations because his name is Mike and Mike was the mean Car Salesman who sold me Orange Car.  This Mike was very unlike that Mike.  We said we wanted the Hamster Car and that there was no way on earth I could afford a new one.  Oh, I should also point out I was instructed not to speak based on my previous car buying experience.  My dad was very emphatic about me not being able to afford a new car.

We were led outside where there was a 2011 Kia Soul and it was white.  We looked at it and my dad made comments and said the price made him “want to drop over dead” and I tried to communicate via my eyes that I did not want a white Kia Soul.  Then Mike the Car Salesman said that there was another 2011 and it was green, and I shouted emphatically “I LIKE THE GREEN ONE”.  Another Car Salesman coming towards said “Of course you do, I never would have guessed”.  That threw me off.  But then I realized my hair was green and that was why he said that.

My dad made more comments about how he was going to “keel over” at the price and then we test drove it, which was very fun because even though the Kia Soul is a tiny car, it feels like you are in a very big SUV and you are high up.

Then we went in to discuss numbers based on my credit score.  While Mike the Car Salesman was doing his thing, I went and got coffee  and a man was holding a Highlights magazine and I said “catching up on some literature?” which was weird because I normally do not say things like that, let alone to strangers, and then he said that he was stealing it because he wanted to order a subscription for someone in his family.  Then it turned out that person was Bob Golic, so that was my encounter with fame.

They had a Keurig and chocolate cream and that made me happy.

Mike the Car Salesman came back with numbers and my dad reiterated that he was going to keel over dead and there was no way I could afford the payments and we would have to go look at other cars like maybe a Smart Car.  I knew he was not serious because he told me specifically not to get a subcompact car.  Mike the Car Salesman looked at me and I said “Make it go to 179$ a month and we’ll talk”.  He said ok and went back to discuss numbers and my dad looked at me in shock and I started flapping and said “Did you hear me?? Did you hear how badass I sounded??  I NEGOTIATED!”  Granted, I was trying to get him to take the price from something like 289$ a month down to 179$, so I clearly had no idea what I was doing, but it really sounded good, I am telling you right now, I was hardcore.  My dad said I could take over the talking because I was being much more badass than he could be.  He did not say it exactly like that.

Mike the Car Salesman made small talk while we waited for more numbers, and I asked him about his trade and if he likes it.  He was very nice and also he has a cat.  I asked if he could tell the commercial maker to stop giving the Hamsters human bodies because that was creepy, and he said I am not the only one who has said that.  He also said people come in asking for the hamster car, or the rat car, or the mouse car, or the squirrel car, or the guinea pig car – he said he can understand mouse or rat or even guinea pig but saying the squirrel car is just ridiculous.  Then he went back to talk about numbers to whoever he was talking to.

While he was gone my dad and I decided that the Kia Soul Hamster Car was ideal for me because the back seats fold down so I can live in my car if I ever need to.  The readiness with which my dad agreed with that sentiment was alarming.  He even started to mentally organize my belongings in my Car Home.

Mike the Car Salesman came back and wrote 199$ on a piece of paper and shoved it at me.  That was when I said it was a deal and we shook hands.  Then he asked my dad if he was cosigning and my dad, in true Darcy form, yelled emphatically “NO”.

It took a Very Long Time after that to finish everything, but in the end, I gave my business card to Mike the Car Salesman and Mike the Finance Guy because they are both interested in pet insurance, and I left Orange Car there which was very sad, and I drove off in Alien Green Kia Soul with electric everything and magical powers that make me able to play music from my iPhone through the car speakers without plugging anything in.  I can also call people through my steering wheel and there is a windshield wiper on the back window.

Oh, also, I got some sort of extended warrantee thing so my car is covered for basically ever if anything goes wrong. And I got roadside assistance.  And two free oil changes.  And I can get my car washed whenever I want.

After that we went to have pancakes at Denny’s, and they were very good pancakes, but pancakes always make me sleepy.  These pancakes were no exception.

We came home and I decided to drive to my brother’s house (about 25 miles away) to show them my car and then I left my purse there and had to drive back so basically I put about 75 miles on the car in one day.

While I was driving to my brother’s house a squirrel was crossing the street so I stopped and then he got scared and ran back and forth and a car hit him and it was horrible and I started crying in my new car and cried almost the whole way to my brother’s house.  When the car hit him he kept going to the side of the road but was not quite right and he could not seem to get up the curb.

Coming up next, Ice Skating Adventures, but first I have some videos to edit.

This post will not let me add any pictures.  I do not know why.