Tagalongs In My Bed.

My nieces stayed overnight last weekend, so my mom felt the need to completely redecorate “their” room, which is actually my mom’s room, but when my nieces stay over, they stay in that room.  There are two beds.  So when they were little, it was a ballerina theme.  Now it’s some sort of green and yellow flowery theme.  My mom bought new bedding and accessories and stuff.  Then my mom decided, the morning my nieces were going to come over, that a new mattress was needed for one of the beds because the fitted sheet did not fit properly on the existing mattress.  So she woke up me up at 10:30am, which for me is very early, and made me drive to Big Lots and she went in and came out with a mattress and stuffed it in my Hamster Car and I had to drive home with it on my head and then I had to drag it from my Hamster Car to the bedroom.  My nieces spent about 45 minutes awake in the room.

Also, when my mom was trying to take a picture of me with the mattress on my head she kept holding my phone with the screen pointed away from her, and I kept trying to tell her she should be looking at me in the screen and that is how you take the picture, and she just could not get it.  I physically had to turn the phone around.  She thought that because “selfies” are taken with the object of the photo looking at the screen, then that must mean all photos are taken that way.  I have selfie-fied my mother and now she cannot function in any other way.

I made a fake profile on match.com so a male friend could scope out his competition and look at dude profiles and see what they write so he could write something better.  The profile was not actually fake, I wrote everything truthfully and as me, but the fake part is that I do not want to date anyone.  But now I am all up in arms because no one “liked” my profile or “winked” at me or anything.  I do not want them to, but why aren’t they??  I have the perfect profile.  I would totally date me.  Click here to see my awesome fake profile.  143 people viewed me, ONE PERSON “liked me” and ZERO people favorited me!  I am AWESOME, what the hell is the matter with these people.  I am telling you, I keep looking at my profile and I am all like, wow, that person is awesome, and then I am all like, wait, that is me!  At first I felt bad because I just knew my amazingness would draw people in and they would all be like “We love you Darcy!” and I felt bad that I was leading them on because I have no intention of dating.  But no, there is nothing to feel bad about because these people all have very poor taste.  So yes, to sum all that up, I do not want anyone to contact me or talk to me, but I am mad that no one has contacted me or tried to talk to me.  Of course, if they did, I would have to live with the guilt of not responding to them, and that would be bad.  Oh well.  If any dudes out there need to use my profile to see your competition, let me know.

I enjoy Girl Scout Cookies.  I also enjoy Advil PM.  One night I took Advil PM and stayed up past the part where I should have gone to sleep, so I was a little loopy, and decided that would be a good time to eat Tagalongs.  I decided it would be even better to take them up to bed with me.  Then I fell asleep and a Tagalong went missing.  I woke up to a glob of melted chocolate and peanut butter attached to my ass and my bed.  At first I thought my kidney had melted out of my hip, but it turns out, that is not what happened.

Here is a picture of me with a mattress on my head.

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Here is a picture of Mr. Meow Meow enhanced with Snap Seed, that is an app.  It is neat.

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Lastly, here is a funny cat meme.

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