I Put A Tampon Up My Dad’s Nose.

Here is a list of things that happened this past week.

My dad decided that these little fake white fence things that we have lining our dirt in our front yard needed to be moved to the backyard.  They are like, 6 inches tall, and I guess they are meant to make a quaint little border to your dirt patches.  I have run over most of the ones in the front yard, because they border the dirt that is in front of where I park my car.  So my dad plucked them all out and put them in the backyard.  Here is a picture.  Keep in mind, it is Ohio Dead Time, so everything in the state is brown and dead.  In a few weeks it will be lovely and green, but the point is, my backyard does not look this white trash all the time.


So he did that, all while totally dizzy from one of his new meds.  Then later that night, he kneeled down upstairs to pet Mr. Meow Meow and….blacked out and hit the floor face first.  It was a blood bath.  If we had killed five people, there would not have been this much blood.  And I only saw it AFTER most of it was cleaned up.  I came home to my mom standing at the utility sink with about 10 full sized towels, soaked in blood, and she looked at me wide eyed and said “You won’t believe what you missed”.  I assumed she had killed my dad.  She did not.  His nose was bleeding because that is what hit the floor first.  To make matters worse, he was upstairs when this happened and my mom was on the porch with her headphones on watching tv.  So my dad opened his bedroom window and called down to my mom, because the porch is right under his bedroom.  She did not hear him.  So he went downstairs and to the porch and then she came in.  So there was blood on the light switch in the dining room, the hallway, one of the upstairs bathrooms, the window in my dad’s room, the wall in my dad’s room – it was crazy.  So anyway, his nose would not stop bleeding so I put a tampon up his nose.  Here is what he looks like now.


And this is what his arm looks like because apparently he got carpet burn on his arm, too.


Then I made Amish Friendship Bread and I posted on the page on Facebook for my neighborhood to see if anyone wanted the starter batter, and the person across the street did.  So I took it over today and her daughter, who does not know me and is probably about 13, answered the door.  I think I scared her.  I was holding a bag of goo and I have blue hair and she did not know me.  I said “I have something for your mom”.  She said “What?”  I said “Amish Friendship Bread.  It is bread.  This is batter”.  She said “Oh, umm, she’s upstairs”.  I said “She is expecting this”.  I am fairly certain I traumatized the poor girl, but she opened the door a tiny crack and I handed the stuff to her.

Also this week we had Cat Day at work.



There were more kitties, but these were the only two I got pictures of.

I really want cake.

Or cupcakes.

Also I went to my friend Karyn’s house and she has pets.  This is Mira the Malamute.  She lives outside because if she lives inside she gets too hot because of her fur.  She likes to get visitors.


This is the 50 bazillion gallon fish tank in which there are fish, snails, starfish, hermit crabs and some sort of creepy worms that only come out at night.


This is Spartacus and they thought he was a girl so his name was Sparkle, but then they found out he is a boy and now he is Spartacus.


There is another kitty name Molly but she did not come out while I was there.  And this is Raptor the bird.


One thought on “I Put A Tampon Up My Dad’s Nose.

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