The World’s Tallest Bed And Me.

I went to see Joshua Bell in Buffalo, because that is what I do.  Normally he is all over the world, but recently he has been within 4 hours of me 4 times!

My hotel room was very nice, it was at the hotel where they give you cookies and also it was a Pokestop.  Can’t go wrong with that.  The bed, though, was four feet off the ground. No exaggeration.  It was the tallest bed I have ever seen.  I could not get on this bed without significant maneuvering.  I tried jumping, lifting my leg up and hurling it onto the mattress – and then I thought, this needs to be shared with the world, how could I keep this to myself?  So here you go:

Now the important part.  The concert.  Even though it was called A Night With Joshua Bell, the first half did not have Joshua Bell in it.  I preferred the second half, which Joshua Bell was in.

During intermission, the guy behind me started talking to me.  He looked like Gomez Addams. JUST LIKE HIM.  I do not like being talked to by people, but he was trying to be nice, so I smiled and nodded.

The concert was beyond words.  He played a violin concerto by Bruch, and then Ladies in Lavender.  I still get a little excited when he says he is going to play something from a movie, hoping it will be 503 from Angels and Demons.  I will not stop hoping.

Before going into the concert I asked a girl who was promoting the Buffalo Orchestra if JB would be signing autographs afterwards.  She said no, there is an opening night gala.  I did not know what to say, so I shoved my wrist at her.  The wrist with his signature tattooed on it.  The SECOND I did this, I wanted to say, on her behalf, “Dumbass, he still isn’t coming out” because I immediately realized what an ass move that was.

I was not deterred, I just figured I would “blend” afterwards and either walk into the gala and see what happens, or hang out in the lobby – I mean, he has to come out at some point, right?  I did not have the foresight to think, what exactly do I think I am going to do when he DOES come out and there I am, standing there.  I started to think I might have crossed the creepy line just by thinking this.

So concert is over, and I linger in the lobby.  Everyone goes over to the gala and I realize the flaw in my plan – I am wearing the usual, jeans and a tee shirt, and everyone else is wearing ball gowns.  Sneaking in and blending was not an option. Also, blue hair.  I hung out in the lobby until there was no one left in the lobby except for a few ushers cleaning up and a security guy.  A lady said to me “Are you waiting for a ride?”  and in that split second, I planned to lie. But I am physically incapable of lying so instead I said “Actually, I was hoping to stand here and not have anyone notice me and maybe I could see Joshua Bell when he leaves.”  She said “He’s not going to come out these doors.” I said “Oh”, but I didn’t move.

Several uncomfortable minutes later, Larisa Martinez came out of the gala room.  I waved, and she came over.  Here is my thing – I felt horrible when I met her in Chautauqua, in some weird feminist way that I cannot exactly describe.  I was so entranced with JB, I felt like I treated her like “the girlfriend” and not her own person.  Then when I found out that her own person was someone whose singing I really enjoyed, I felt even worse.  In light of that, and to kind of redeem myself and say “I swear I don’t ignore women and assume the man is the successful one”, I sent her a message on Facebook, apologizing if I came across like a jerk.  I didn’t expect her to respond, and she didn’t.  But in Buffalo, she came right over and said “I got your Facebook message, don’t worry, you weren’t rude at all!” and I basically then gushed “THANK YOU SO MUCH BECAUSE I FELT SO BAD AND YOU ARE A PERSON TOO”.  We chatted for a minute, and then she went to wherever she was going.  A minute later she walked by me again and said “It was good seeing you, have a good night!” and I thought a lot of thoughts.  I thought, well, I think that was my queue to leave, I’m starting to look creepy.  Then I thought, if SHE came out that door, maybe HE would come out that door.  But panic won, and I started to leave.  Luckily I get easily confused by locked doors, and kept trying to leave out of a door that was locked.  I heard “Hey wait!” and I turned around and died.

Larisa brought Joshua Bell out JUST TO SEE ME.  We were the only ones in the lobby and it was JUST FOR ME!  She said “Why were you leaving after you waited so long?” and I legit said “I was really starting to feel creepy and I didn’t know what to do, and I swear I’m harmless, I just, oh my god, seeing you live, it’s just, I can’t even, it’s so….” and JB shook my hand and did the whole “I know I should know you but…” and HE WAS JUST SO NICE and he asked where exactly I live, because I keep showing up in different places, and I said Cleveland, but I’ll drive 4 or 5 hours to wherever he is.  He was impressed by that.  After another minute, in which I did not ask any of the follow up questions I had, I decided I must be wasting his time, and I said “THANK YOU SO MUCH IT WAS SO GOOD TO SEE YOU AND YOU ARE SO NICE TO COME OUT AND YOU WERE SO NICE TO GO GET HIM” and I kind of turned around and ran.  Oh and somehow I fit in there “I’m going to see Green Day in Detroit next weekend!” which did not impress him, and also Green Day was postponed.

I have no pictures at all, just the bed video, and I really think that is quite enough.

Here is my cat, though.

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I Traumatize Amish People.

You all know me, I am a pretty non offensive person, right?  I have managed to traumatize several Amish girls.  The first was my cleaning lady.  I was desperate for an Amish cleaning lady because they are the best, but you need to have a hook up, you can’t just ask a random Amish person if they’ll clean your house.  So my cousin sent me someone, and the girl texted me (yes, Amish people text) and I asked her how she prefers to be paid.  PAID.  I wanted to know if it was cash only, or Pay Pal.  PAID.  This is what I actually said….

13692626_10157098515445109_7962370521561846564_n So she came and cleaned my house once, and then texted and said she could not clean anymore because her “driver doesn’t go out that way anymore”.

Today, new Amish people came.  A group of them.  I was upstairs getting ready for work, and because I am me, I keep my clean clothes crumpled in a laundry basket right outside my bedroom door, and my dirty clothes on the floor of my bedroom.  This makes sense in my world.

I realized that when I grabbed my clothes from the hallway, I forgot an essential item.  I did not have a bra inside of my room.  I heard the Amish people arrive, but I thought, they cannot possibly get up here that fast, I have time.  So I threw a towel precariously around me and opened my door to reach out to the laundry basket to grab a bra, and there I am, face to face with an Amish girl.  I said “Oh hey, how are you?” because that is totally natural.  She said “Fine, thank you” and kept walking.  It’s not like I was EXPOSED exactly, but I have a lot of skin.  No matter how I had that towel wrapped around me, things were seen.

In conclusion, I asked one Amish girl how she wants to be laid, and I flashed another.  I’m probably blacklisted.

In other news, I meant to bring my cat to work today because there is this video thing we are doing, and you can have your pet in it, right?  But I forgot him.  I emailed my dad and said “I forgot Mr. Meow Meow, please deliver him to me at work”.  My dad said “This is not April Fool’s Day”.  I said “I am totally serious, I want him in my video.  Bring him to me.”  He responded “Your mother says she will do it if you give her $100 to use at the casino.”  I said “Ok, I can do that.  But I have my cat carrier in my car, so you just have to put him in the car with no carrier.”

Mr. Meow Meow arrived in a laundry basket, with another laundry basket duct taped on top so he was in a Laundry Basket pod.  He did not appreciate it.  He also did not appreciate me trying to hold him while answering questions at a camera.  He wiggled around so much that my shirt currently has more of his fur than he does.

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We are currently working in an office, and he is under the desk.

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Project Take Mr. Meow Meow to work = fail.

Oh and he also hissed at our Foster Kitty, Triskett.

Poor Meow Meow.

Baby Puppy Story.

My friend from work, Cassie, has a baby puppy named Deja.  This is her story.  Please oh please share this link wherever you can, and hopefully we can help Deja with her surgery!  She is a happy puppy and she has a best friend named Tucker, and she has to wear diapers!  Deja is happy ALL THE TIME.  She has no idea she has such extensive medical issues.

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www.gofundme.com/o6yco8

Deja, the Belgian Malinois, was born on 3/6/16. On 5/31/16 it was noticed that Deja would drink so much water until her stomach ballooned and she would dribble urine without realizing it. On 6/3/16, Deja went to the vet and ruled out any urinary tract infection and did some bloodwork which showed she was in kidney failure by her regular DVM and was referred to internal medicine for further treatment. On 6/28/16, Deja was diagnosed with Congenital Kidney Disease with her right kidney only being 1.9cm. Deja was put on medication to help with her urinary incontinence issue.

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On 7/4/16 Deja went in on emergency for acting lethargic and having signs of a urinary tract infection. The urinalysis was negative for signs of infection. However, radiographs showed that she had eaten a few “odd” objects such as rocks and a small piece of metal wire (which were passable), and we ran a cobalamin level (B12) to see if her GI function was normal which came back abnormal.

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On 7/14/16, Deja had still continued to leak urine. The internal medicine specialists recommended that we do a cystoscopy to check for ectopic ureters. They had found via cystoscope that her right ureter was ectopic and that she had pustules on her bladder (which biopsies were taken of and cultured, and turned out to be negative).

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On 7/20/16 We had scheduled Deja’s ectopic ureter surgery, GI biopsy surgeries, and spay. Upon opening her up, they could not find the right ureter which was ectopic via cystoscope but noticed that the left ureter was ectopic and they surgically corrected that. They took GI biopsies from all 4 parts of the intestinal tract which was conclusive for eosinophilic inflammatory bowel disease. They also did her spay which was unremarkable but noted that her right ovary and right uterine horn was much smaller than the left side.

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On 8/20/16, we did a urinalysis and urinary culture to see if an infection was the cause of the bloody discharge that was now coming from her vulva. The culture and urinalysis did not support this and we found out it was a side effect of the medication.

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On 9/1/16, Deja had a CT scan done to check the placement of the ectopic ureter or if it was working and it turned out it was. Which is now where the problem exists. Deja’s insurance policy is completely maxed out and the ureter surgery itself is going to cost $5500.

Deja acts like a normal, happy puppy who is full of life and energy and I am trying to do my very best to give that life to her.

A GoFundMe account is set up for Deja: www.gofundme.com/o6yco8

 

The Concert!

After I watched the three hour amazing life changing jaw dropping best experience of my life rehearsal, I finally DID get kicked out because they had to tune the piano and then open the doors officially.

My friend and coworker Jen, and her fiance Aaron, were also going to the concert.  I met them outside the fence and spazzed out.  I had not had anything to eat or drink since my Starbucks 5 hours previously, but we could not get out of line because we had “priority seating”, but it was still a free for all once you got in.  We chatted, I spazzed, we saw some dogs which was awesome.  Then they opened the gate and we bum rushed the front row.  We did not get in the front row, but we got the second row.  We caught Pokemon while waiting.

Jen and Aaron both play the violin and I have been demanding a private concert ever since I found out.  This is my public outing of them – they owe me a concert!

Joshua Bell started the concert and as always, it was beyond words amazing.  He played something I never thought I would see in real life – the recording of it is fantastic, and I just never though it would be played live, but he played it.

Seriously.  Listen to that.  Imagine seeing that in real life. LISTEN TO IT NOW.

He also did this intro where he talked about movie soundtracks, and I convinced myself in that 20 seconds that he was about to play 503 from Angels and Demons.  He did not.  He played Ladies in Lavender, which I like very much.  I am determined that before I die he will play 503 in person for me, even though he does not remember ever playing it.

The dude behind us was very chatty and he said he had the same violin teacher, Josef Gingold, as JB.  Then the guy started criticizing the orchestra people on stage for tapping their feet.  Every new person that tapped, he would say “oh my gosh, there’s another one” and eventually he said “The whole damn outfit has run amuck” and I immediately wrote that down because it is hilarious.  I let Aaron do most of the interacting with this man because I do not like interacting with people when JB is around.

The second part of the concert was Trumpet Guy.  I told Jen and Aaron about the lady who sings trumpet noises, and lo and behold, she came out and they looked at me and mouthed “Trumpet noise lady?”  It turns out, I am not a fan of jazz, trumpeting or really kind of anything that Chris Botti did.  I did like the parts where Joshua Bell came out and performed with him, but even then, I liked the JB parts and not the Chris Botti parts.

Here is the thing about Chris Botti – HE STARES INTENTLY AT PEOPLE WHILE HE PLAYS.  It is unbelievably unnerving.  Then he said that everyone should come to the front and dance, and thus ensued my own personal hell.  Crowds.  Dancing. Clapping.  I do not do that.

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I also have observations about JB and Chris Botti and their instruments.  JB is reserved, demure, kind, intelligent, poised, kind of shy….and to me, that also describes a violin.  Chris Botti was boisterous, arrogant, loud, brash, and I’m sure very talented and intelligent as well, but that doesn’t come across with his onstage personality….much like a trumpet.

And Joshua Bell’s girlfriend?  It’s not THAT exciting, but I was kind of exciting.  I knew her face and I just could NOT remember why – but she sings.  Very well!  She’s a soprano, which I do not prefer, but she’s not as soprano-y as most sopranos.  And here is why I recognized her face, because it’s not like I’m on top of opera people…

And now I have a ticket to see JB in Buffalo on September 17th, so yay!

I Did Not Get Kicked Out Of A Rehearsal.

Friday was exciting but you know what was better?  Saturday.  Totally Saturday.  Because you know why?  JOSHUA BELL.

The concert was at the Chautauqua Institution.  I got my Starbucks and got there at about 4pm (the concert was at 8:15pm).  It was hot and humid and gross and also looked like it was going to tornado at any minute.

I walked towards the amphitheater with the intent of looking at the water, because there is water there.  Like, a lake.  Not just random puddles or something. I pet 8 dogs on my way.

I heard a lady singing and an opera guy singing, but that was not Joshua Bell, so I did not pay much attention.

I got to the amphitheater and saw the people onstage rehearsing.  A guy with a trumpet came out, and that was when I realized they were rehearsing for that night – the concert was half Joshua Bell and half Chris Botti – aka Trumpet guy.  There was a lady singing trumpet noises and Trumpet Guy made trumpet noises back at her. People were standing around the fence watching, but I thought maybe I could sneak my way backstage and see JB.  I walked behind everything and I did not see anything.  On the other side, the fence was open.  Joshua Bell came onstage and played with Trumpet Guy.  I walked into the place, down to the third row, sat my ass down and did not move for three hours.  I watched the ENTIRE REHEARSAL.  Trumpet Guy left and it was just JB.  It was like watching a master class.  He played, they adjusted things, he suggested things, he talked while playing which I thought was super neat, and I watched every single minute of it AND NO ONE ASKED ME TO LEAVE.

At one point it rained SO hard that rain came onto the stage and it was super cool because the onslaught of people going to cover Joshua Bell’s violin (you know, THIS violin) was really extreme and I thought it was neat.

After about an hour they took a break and JB came down and sat a few rows behind me with three miniature versions of him (his kids) and a lady.  The lady looked familiar, but I do not actually keep up with his social life and all that, so I did not really think much of it and assumed she is  his girlfriend.  And she is, so my assumption is correct.  ANYWAY….he is sitting a few rows behind me, just casually holding his violin, and I am dying.  I froze like a deer, and just sat there.  Then 10 minutes later he walked down the aisle to go backstage, and he WALKED RIGHT NEXT TO ME.  Because I am calm, cool and collected, and completely socially normal, I blurted out JOSHUA BELL once he past me.  This was my 12th concert and probably 10th time meeting him over the course of 20 years, and every time, unintentionally, I have blurted JOSHUA BELL instead of a normal “Hello”.  He turned around and did the “Oh I’m supposed to know you” face and I said “I met you in Detroit and other places too and look” and I shoved my hand at him.

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That is his signature.  You see, when I was 14, I wanted to play the violin because of him.  Some years later, my wrists went bonkers and I couldn’t even hold a violin, let alone play one, and that was the end of that.  But I really, really enjoyed it, so it made me sad that I could not play.  So his signature is on my wrist, the cause of my issues, because, you know, full circle.  Started with him, stopped because of my wrists, ended with him on my wrist.  Anyway…

He said “Oh yeah!  Oh that’s my signature!  Wow, look at that”.  I do not think he believed I was going to do it when I asked him to sign something in Detroit so I could get it tattooed on me.

He introduced me to his girlfriend, but I did not catch her name because of my level of spazz.  She said “Wow, I feel like I’m slacking, I should get that tattooed on my butt!” and JB said “No…you shouldn’t…” and she said “I know, I have no butt”.  She was insanely tiny and intimidatingly pretty and even more important, SUPER nice.

I yammered at him a little bit more and he was super nice and then his girlfriend said “Do you want me to take some pictures of you?” and I said “This is my 12th concert and I have never had a picture with you” so she took my phone (she was really, really nice) and took pictures, and then we tried to get my tattoo in the picture, too.  The result was a picture that looks like I am groping Joshua Bell.  I was not groping Joshua Bell.  Then she took pictures with her camera!

I am just going to put all the pictures in here now, and then post about the ACTUAL concert, and my realization of who his girlfriend is, later!

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