Things I Say When My Blood Sugar Is Low.

Here is what I wanted to title this, but it will not let me do the line through the word in the title:  Things I Say When I Am Drunk Hypoglycemic.02aa91a33f8f48ad80a6c0ed1c785603

Yesterday I went out to dinner with some new coworkers, and when I arrived at the restaurant, my blood sugar was low and I knew it.  This meant I got to drink Coke, which is really amazing because I do not get to do that very often.  So there I am, drinking my Coke and “chatting”, but really, I am not chatting because my blood sugar is low and I cannot really follow any conversation that is happening, and quite frankly, I am not even positive there IS a conversation happening because there is a weird delay in my head and I am clenching my teeth for no reason and my face feels like it is not there anymore.  So…”chatting”.  Someone asked about my tattoos – or maybe I shouted something about my tattoos because that is entirely possible.  I pointed to one and said “This is my Green Day tattoo”, I pointed to another and said “This one means ‘fighting spirit'” and then to another and said “I don’t know what this one means.”  Everyone looked at me and said variations of “how can you not know what it means?” and I kept saying “I don’t know, I just don’t know what it means, isn’t that weird?”

I know damn well what my tattoo means and ironically, it means resilient.  I was not resilient in that moment.

Tonight I went out to dinner with my friend Karyn and her husband Nick, and once again, my face felt like it was not attached, I was clenching my teeth and starting sentences without finishing them – but this time I was not self aware enough to say “Dip shit, your blood sugar is low, STFU.”  So I kept talking.  One of the things I said was “Alex is Australian….wait, no he’s not.”  He is.  Alex absolutely is 100% Australian.  And that was my entire “story” about Alex – that he is Australian.  Somehow I decided I was wrong, and I corrected myself and just stopped.

Many years ago in high school my blood sugar went super low while I was the Chief of Police for the day.  I was doing this cool ass ride along with a police officer, and there was a lunch with the other city employees (i.e. my classmates who were elected as Mayor, etc) and their actual real life counterparts.  My blood sugar went low when we pulled a guy over for speeding.  I knew it was low, and I started eating Lifesavers, but they were not helping.  I ate an entire roll, and nothing.  My blood sugar kept plummeting.  I said some nonsense when the officer got back in the car, and then we went to the lunch where I ordered…iced tea.  A beverage with no sugar in it.  Because here is the thing about being Diabetic and having your blood sugar go low – you will NEVER admit that it is.  I do not know why.  “Darcy, I think your blood sugar is off” “NO IT IS NOT I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I AM DOING.” So iced tea does NOT help low blood sugar, Coke or juice does.  But denial.  So lower and lower it goes until I have no idea where I am, what is happening, I cannot feel my face, my eyes are so blurry I cannot see, I hear voices but cannot understand what they are saying, I am sweating profusely….and I decide now is the time to leave the lunch by myself and call my mom.  The thought to order Coke still did not come into my brain.  I felt my way along the wall until I got to the front desk (the lunch was a hotel restaurant) and I asked where a pay phone was.  Yeah – this was in like, 1993.  I go to the pay phone and call my mom, panicking and crying, saying I do not know where I am and she has to come get me and something is wrong.  We later apologized to the Chief of Police who thought I had a stroke or was in the active throes of death or something.

Often my blood sugar goes low in the middle of the night – 3 or 4am.  I wake up sweating profusely (I am talking pajamas SOAKED), and here is the extra weird thing – my left thigh goes numb.  I lie in bed for a good half hour trying to convince myself my blood sugar is NOT low, and finally I go downstairs and drink a glass of orange juice.  Here is another thing you may not know about low blood sugar – it makes you think you have not eaten in years, and that you are not only capable of eating, but you MUST eat every single thing in sight.  It is not uncommon for a Diabetic to eat 3 bowls of cereal, cookies, orange juice and a banana in a low blood sugar stupor.  I am 99% sure I posted about this before, and I am 99.5% positive I posted these memes before, but I cannot find that post, so here it is again.

51a3ce53a360d965d14e9578f1bbcfb76157a14a96364929336df908cb37473a Diabetes-Memes-Spongebob-2

And it is not just me, obviously.  THERE ARE MEMES.  That means it is true.

All this is to say, if we are ever together and you look at me and I have the appearance of someone who is not sure if they are actually there or not, or I say that Alex is not Australian, or you see me eating multiple bowls of cereal, just gently say “Hey Darcy, why don’t you check your blood sugar?”  Chances are I will just yell at you and tell you I know for my damn self if my blood sugar is low, and you know nothing.  But then also I will drink glorious Coke and become normal again.

Thank you.  Happy Diabetes-ing.

So This Thing Happened.

First, for your reference:  Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4.

Now that you are caught up, I have had two encounters in the past two weeks.

AJ and I use the same grocery store.  I have gone to great lengths to make sure we are never there at the same time.  One of these lengths is circling the parking lot to make sure his car is not there.  Last Monday, his car was there.  So I parked in a hidden spot and waited, watched him leave (not in a creepy way, just in the way that I wanted to make sure he left), and THEN I went grocery shopping.  So that was panic inducing, but not to the point of needing to take Klonopin.

Tonight was different.  Tonight I went out to dinner with some important people from our underwriter, and some important people from my company.  There were 7 of us.  We were sitting at a table in which I had my back against the wall and was facing out to the rest of the restaurant.  I randomly told Chris, my supervisor, that AJ sometimes comes here, and how much would it suck if he came in.  But I was in such an obvious spot, I assumed if he DID some in, he’d have the sense to see me and ask to be seated elsewhere.

There I am, happily engaged in conversation, but looking to my left because most of our table was to my left.  Then I looked at Chris.  The table a little bit to the side and behind Chris, formerly an empty table, now contained AJ’s Aunt, Uncle, Dad and Step Mom.  There was no hiding the look on my face.  Eye contact was made with the aunt, and my face turned to pure horror.  She glared at me.  I looked away and went back into conversation with the people to the left of me.  But then, a little further into the conversation, I looked at Chris and saw the aunt and uncle both give me the stink eye.  This dance went on for about 30 minutes.  I got a casual, over the shoulder stink eye from the step mom.  As much as I was trying to not look at them, they were also going out of their way to not look at me – that is much harder at a table of four than a table of 7.  It looked awkward for them.  To his credit, Mr. Novak did not turn around to give me the stink eye.

Here is the thing.  All you know right now is “aunt” and “uncle” – I have not named names and I won’t.  But this particular couple has a son in prison for heading up a child porn ring, and another son waiting on a legal settlement from Disney because he tripped over a railroad track and broke his ankle.  I, on the other hand, have not committed crimes, been to jail, or sued anyone.  I work hard, and have climbed the ranks of my company to the point that I am having dinner with important people.  And yet – the stink eyes I received were enough to induce panic.

Now the stink eye from the step mom.  She has a step son who SHOULD be in prison for statutory rape, but got off because the family has money.  I play by the rules.  I have always followed the rules.  Much like Alexander Hamilton, I am honest to a fault, wordy, and have no issues sharing my opinion.  So yes, I have shared my opinion about AJ with them, and they did not like that.  That’s fine.  I understand that no parent is going to say “You are right, my kid did some really horrible things.”  But this parent said “The horrible things my kid did, they are all your fault.  You are 100% to blame, and you are the person who brought all this about.”  Except, I didn’t.  I tried to talk AJ OUT of committing a felony.  I tried to tell his dad to talk him out of committing a felony.  When I saw more potentially felonious issues on the horizon, I tried to tell them again, this is happening.  Instead of stopping AJ, they blamed me again.

Anyway, you know the story.

Back to the present.  They thought they had the right to give me looks.  They thought “This is a bad person who did bad things.”  I looked at them and thought “These are people with one son in jail and another trying to live off a law suit because he tripped on something, and the other person is AJ who has cheated on more women than I can count on one hand, burned every bridge he ever crossed, lied, cheated in school, and flat out put me through psychological hell for 8 years.  Why am *I* panicking?  I am morally superior to all of them, I am more successful than any of the “kids” in this scenario (and actually, more successful than 3/4 of the adults there), and I am, and always have been, right when it comes to what happened with AJ.

When I got back into my car with Chris, I LOST MY SHIT.  I was shaking, I was hyperventilating, I was in full blown panic.  But on the ride home, I realized that no.  I sat through that dinner, facing them, knowing how much more successful I am than any of their kids, knowing I am right, I do right, and I follow rules.  I won.  They gave me the stink eye, I gave them something to aspire to be.  They’ll never know that, because no one is going to say “Damn, she’s right.”  But I am right.  I have always been right.  I have always been good.

To top it all off, this night made me love my job even more, if that is even possible.  The four Embracers who were there, some of whom are a Pretty Big Deal, stood up when it was time to leave and created a Wall of Embrace so I could walk out without having to pass the table of The Stink Eye.  They didn’t even discuss it, they just stood up, and boom.  A Wall of Safety happened.

I won.  If this happens again, I won’t panic. I’ll do what I always do – I will have sympathy for those in worse positions than me.  I will feel sorry that they have criminal children, and that my parents have had it easy with two very successful, honest, good people as children.  I will try to realize how hard it must be to know that part of the reason you have to have a high income is to pay for the best lawyers for your kid.  I will try to understand that it is impossible for a dad to not defend his kid, no matter how very wrong what that kid did turns out to be.  And I will try to be more empathetic to the aunt and uncle who had no idea their kid was going to be spending 15 years in prison because the child porn ring was so well hidden from, they had no idea what was coming.  I will take all of the good things I put into the universe, and hope that it gives some peace to the parents who have to deal with morally corrupt children, knowing there is nothing they can do about it.  You have to love your children no matter what, and it must be very difficult to love these kids knowing what they’ve done to other people.

Instead of panic, I will focus on my healing thoughts and my visions of peace for the parents involved in this situation.  They blame me 100% and that is 100% wrong, but I don’t know that I could turn to someone I raised and say “Wow, you really messed up a lot of lives, I have no respect for you.”  If I had a kid, I would probably try to make anyone else the bad guy, too.

And yes, this was only written after major amounts of Klonopin were consumed, after I stopped hyperventilating, after I stopped shaking, and after I got home and squished my cat.

I am fierce.  I am resilient.  I am good.  I am a fighting spirit.  I am pure.  I am innocent.  I am confident.  I know exactly who I am.

Thank you for listening.

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In Which A Dog Sharts On Jackie.

There are many reasons I love my job.  The company is awesome, the people are awesome, there are dogs and cats and sometimes bunnies and guinea pigs and really.  It is just a fabulous place to work.

Right now I am going to tell you why I love the Call Center in particular.  I am the Call Center Manager, so these are my people.  They also happen to be a particularly funny, sarcastic, witty, friendly, happy group of people, so that makes working with them THAT much better.

Recently one of our reps had a call with a person who was having a hard time hearing her.  This particular rep, like me, naturally speaks very loudly.  After about a minute on the phone, she was literally shouting for this person to hear her. Her name is Sammi.  HI SAMMI.  She is also short and has horses.

Sammi

Sammi had the luck of getting the hard of hearing person just as every other person in the call center ended their call, so her increasingly loud call had our full attention.  We also have an internal chat system, which everyone promptly used to mock Sammi. This went on for about 8 minutes.  It was like God himself approved of the harassment of poor Sammi, because not a single other call came in during that time.  The universe wanted us to be a part of that phone call.

I have copied and pasted that conversation below, with annotations so you have an idea of what happened on the phone call to elicit these responses. Bear in mind, anything that Sammi said was repeated by her several times at increasingly louder levels.

Sammi said to the Pet Parent “We never drop pets”.

Ann  3/31/2016 2:07:40 PM
do we drop pets?

Sammi said that we never reduce coverage due to a pet’s age or health.

Ann  3/31/2016 2:07:45 PM
I think we reduce coverage

Sammi repeated that we never reduce coverage.

Ann 3/31/2016 2:07:54 PM
nope, we definitely do

Ann 3/31/2016 2:07:58 PM
she’s said it 4 times, we for sure do

Milena 3/31/2016 2:08:00 PM
Poor Sammi

Sammi said again that we never drop pets from coverage. 

Brent 3/31/2016 2:08:08 PM
almost every pet i think

Ann 3/31/2016 2:08:14 PM
I always drop pets

Milena 3/31/2016 2:08:21 PM
You can never reduce coverage

Ann 3/31/2016 2:08:23 PM
lets me know whether they will survive the apocalypse.

Sammi said that coverage can be decreased to fit a person’s budget. 

Milena 3/31/2016 2:08:28 PM
We don’t like to fit budgets

Joseph 3/31/2016 2:08:38 PM
You all are WRONG. What we don’t do is eat meat on Sundays and every other Tuesday

Sammi said that she would reach out to the Pet Parent’s vet clinic for information, the vet is named Ireland – something. 

Ann 3/31/2016 2:08:41 PM
sammi is going to reach out to ireland

Ann 3/31/2016 2:08:50 PM
shit, that’s a long reach. sammi,you’re not that tall!

Brent 3/31/2016 2:08:54 PM
She must have long arms

Sammi said “No, you don’t have to do anything, we’ll get all the information”

Milena 3/31/2016 2:08:56 PM
The customer has to do everything

Jackie 3/31/2016 2:09:04 PM
OH MY GOD.
BETTY JUST SHARTED ALL OVER ME !
Jackie’s dog, Betty, sharted on her and this is unrelated to Sammi’s conversation.

Betty

Brent 3/31/2016 2:09:15 PM
HA!

Milena 3/31/2016 2:09:21 PM
I’m crying.

Ann 3/31/2016 2:09:36 PM
oh my god. first this person’s coverage is gonna be denied, and their pets dropped. now betty is sharting.

Sammi said that you can cancel at any time.

Brent 3/31/2016 2:11:01 PM
YOU CAN NEVER CANCEL EVER

Sammi asked if there was anything else she could help with.

Ann 3/31/2016 2:11:18 PM
there must be something else sammi can help with

Ann 3/31/2016 2:11:22 PM
because they still talkin’

Darcy 3/31/2016 2:11:29 PM
Hey, is Sammi here today?  I can’t tell.

Lindsey 3/31/2016 2:11:33 PM
hahahahahahahaah

Lindsey 3/31/2016 2:11:37 PM
sammi i’m sorry

Milena 3/31/2016 2:11:38 PM
She’s WFH (work from home) I think

Lindsey 3/31/2016 2:11:44 PM
yes we can still hear her though

Lindsey 3/31/2016 2:11:45 PM
from home

Ann 3/31/2016 2:11:45 PM
wow, really? it’s like she’s right here

Lindsey 3/31/2016 2:11:51 PM
that voice carries

Darcy 3/31/2016 2:11:52 PM
Omg, I’m dying

Ann 3/31/2016 2:11:55 PM
it’s such a good voice.

Darcy 3/31/2016 2:11:56 PM
Oh Sammi, we love you

Sammi said she’d mail a copy of the policy.

Ann 3/31/2016 2:12:02 PM
is she gonna mail a copy? I couldn’t understand.

Joseph 3/31/2016 2:12:09 PM
WOW you all are mean people. I have written evidence for Sammi I was not a part of this

It appeared as if the call was going to end, so people started throwing out suggestions to keep it going longer. 

Lindsey 3/31/2016 2:12:11 PM
can you read her the terms and conditions sammi?

Brent 3/31/2016 2:12:28 PM
TELL HER ABOUT THE WEBSITE!

Sammi 3/31/2016 2:12:33 PM
nope

Ann  3/31/2016 2:12:57 PM
Brent is on my level

Things looked hopeful (for us, not Sammi) because Sammi said something about other levels of coverage. 

Lindsey 3/31/2016 2:12:58 PM
sammi maybe quote her at all possible levels of coverage though

Then it looked like it was ending again, so more suggestions for extending it. 

Joseph 3/31/2016 2:12:58 PM
Talk about vet bill inflation

Darcy 3/31/2016 2:13:10 PM
I can’t even handle this, I am dying

Lindsey 3/31/2016 2:13:12 PM
explain how discounts stack

Joseph 3/31/2016 2:13:18 PM
give her your exstention. don’t forget to do that
give her mine and I’m on non speaking terms with you

Milena 3/31/2016 2:13:22 PM
Did you talk about ORC??

Brent 3/31/2016 2:13:24 PM
ask her about doing an MHR

Lindsey 3/31/2016 2:13:39 PM
explain how we go about paying the vet directly

Ann 3/31/2016 2:14:04 PM
DON’T END IT

The call ended and everyone in the Call Center stood up and gave her a standing ovation.  It was one of the most amazing moments ever.

We also do things like this when people are working from home, but we got free food in the office:
Cheese DipAnd when people are out celebrating Mike’s 50th birthday and we are still working the late shift in the Call Center, they post this picture on Facebook:
Fun BirthdayAnd we respond with this:
Happy BirthdayOne of the reasons I love these people is because we all said “Make cranky faces” and both Peter and Joey are smiling happily.  How can you not love that?

We are also sorting different dogs breeds into Hogwarts Houses on our internal message board thing.  Why?  Because we are awesome.

 

Joshua Bell.

As you may have noticed, the past 7 or 8 blogs I have written have been about my trip to NYC and the various actors I am obsessed with.  I think I have determined that my hobby is actually meeting famous people I love.  Meeting David Duchovny is what did it – I have never met someone THAT famous and it gave me the bug to just keep meeting people and make them be my friends.  My mission is to interact with them and not make a fool of myself, which so far, has not happened.  The worst meeting (and by that I mean the best for me, but the worst for me acting like a normal human) was Joshua Bell. 

I have loved Joshua Bell since I was 14.  He made me want to play the violin, and I did play the violin, and I thought someday he and I will play our violins together and laugh and drink coffee and hang out.  What actually happened was that, as you’ve read in many many posts, my wrists went ballistic and I stopped playing by the time I was about 22. This did not deter my love for Joshua Bell.  

I have seen him in concert about 8 times, and every time it is like a religious revelation of some sort.   His music does not make me relax, like most people would say classical music does for them – I become so tense that I hold my breath, I clench my fists, I sit forward on my seat….his intensity pulls me right in and I am unable to take my eyes off him or relax and “enjoy” his performance.  Oh, I enjoy it.  But there is nothing casual about it.  When he plays it is like his soul comes out of his instrument, and I feel that so much that my soul thinks it is playing as well.  I THINK I just wrote classical music porn, I am not sure.

I love when he plays the flashy stuff – fast pieces, complicated things like Kreisler or his work with Edgar Meyer  – but that is a showcase of absolute talent.  The things that get me are the less flashy/impressive pieces where you can see – you can ACTUALLY SEE – his heart come out in the form of music.  At one concert he played Meditation de Thais as an encore, and I have no words to describe what it was like to be sitting in the front row and to hear/see/feel him play that live.  You might not recognize the name, but you will probably recognize the piece when you hear it.  

There is one piece that Joshua Bell has recorded that made me cry.  I am not a crier.  I do not just cry.  I was listening to the Angels and Demons soundtrack, loudly, and this song came up and it made me just start crying.  Joshua Bell performed all the violin bits of the soundtrack.  For real, though, put your earbuds in and turn up the volume and let this invade your soul.

So I saw Joshua Bell last week, and got to meet him afterwards.  I have met him before.  He always signs stuff at a table after his plays.  In the past, though, it was a very quick moving line and I said “Hi Joshua Bell” and then was shoved along.  This time I ended up being last in line and I had nothing for him to sign – plus, I am not a big fan of autographs, it is not the same as an actual interaction or picture.  So there I am and the lady running the thing says “Do you want me to take your picture with him?” because I was by myself and I said yes and gave her my phone.  I then proceeded to have my interaction with Joshua Bell.  Here is how it went, and this is, unfortunately, not an exaggeration.  I think you can actually SEE my specialness and his patience in the pictures. Also, just in case you are reading this and you do not know me personally – I am a unique person.  I am a bit…spazzy.  I get nervous and I stutter and I repeat things and I rock back and forth and rub my hands together.  Sometimes I randomly clap at someone to show them I appreciate them.  I also interrupt and abruptly end conversations because I am not sure what to do. 

Me:  Hi Joshua Bell
JB:  Hi!
Me:  Um…you…there was a…it was…there was a piano bench….I was wondering why you prefer…instead of a chair…the piano bench?
Note – he was not only playing but also conducting, and when he sat with the orchestra, he sat on a piano bench instead of a chair.
JB:  I like the piano bench because I am a little bit higher up so everyone else can see me, since I am also conducting.
Me:  Oh that’s what I thought I played the violin because of you.
JB:  Oh really?  That is….
Me:  Yeah but I do not play anymore because you know wrist surgeries and wrists and I cannot hold a violin now.
JB:  Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry, I….
Me:  But it is ok because you play the violin and I have seen you a lot and I have been a fan since I was 14 and thank you because you are amazing.
JB:  Thank you so much, that’s so…
Me:  Ok bye.
JB:  Oh!  Um, good luck…with everything! IMG_3561 IMG_3562 IMG_3563 And here is the text conversation I had with Lindsey at intermission: and again, for those of you who do not know me personally, this is funny because I do not date, I do not like naked people, I never want people to be naked and it is not sarcasm when I say that my “impure thought” was that I wanted to hug Joshua Bell.  IMG_3568  

What’s Your Name, Man? Alexander Hamilton.

I have been trying SO HARD not to be an obsessed Hamilton person – but I am.  I won a lottery ticket for a Wednesday matinee.  I was actually supposed to leave NYC on Wednesday, but because of snow, I decided to stay one more night.  IT WAS MEANT TO BE.  I sat in the damn front row, I saw Lin-Manuel Miranda, I saw Christopher Jackson, I saw freaking Leslie Odom Jr and Daveed Diggs and Phillipa Soo and Renee Elise Goldsberry and Jasmine Cephas Jones and Oak and Anthony Ramos and freaking Jonathan Groff who is so hot it is unreal and last but not least, Alex Lacamoire who is the musical director but really, is as much of a cast member as anyone else.

This show changed theater for me and I cannot quite explain why.  Part of it is the lack of the fourth wall for a good bit of the show – King George is basically onstage with himself and the audience, and there are quite a few points where Lin-Manuel is eyeballing the audience and interacting with his face.  You know, I mean, he does not speak directly to the audience, really, but his face does.  This is what a proper theater critic would write.  “His face interacts with the audience”.

The talent is extraordinary – how they can say words so fast and move at the same time and make facial expressions…I mean, I suppose that is called “acting”, but they do it so well.  You listen to it on the cast recording, but then they do it right in front of you without messing up.

In my picture with Jonathan Groff, right as I was about to take it I said “Yay Vocal Adrenaline” which I thought was pretty hilarious, and he laughed, but then it also caused him to make a dorky face in our picture.  Which is fine, because even with a dorky face, he is hot.

Also, the picture of Lin-Manuel is a cheat picture – it was taken by someone else on another night, and she texted it to me.

Also, I told my 12 year old niece, who I have properly made obsessed with Hamilton as well, if she can perform Guns and Ships at speed, with no mistakes, I will give her $100.  She is working on it. I did not successfully get my 10 year old niece obsessed.

Here are the Hamilton Pictures.

IMG_3551

IMG_3553 IMG_3548 IMG_3404 IMG_3405 IMG_3406 IMG_3407
IMG_3416 IMG_3417 IMG_3418 IMG_3422