Kielbasa, Bologna, And Colonel.

I am so annoyed because before I fell asleep the other night, I had a great blog idea, and now I have ZERO idea what it was.  Like, beyond zero.  I know that it was for a link at the top, not a blog post, so I guess that is .001% of an idea.  OH MY GOSH I JUST REMEMBERED WHAT IT WAS.  I am not even kidding.  And IT IS a brilliant idea!  Ok, well thank you for that.  You have all helped tremendously. If you are standing next to someone right now, or sitting next to them, tell them to pat you on the back and tell you that you did a good job.

I Benedryl purchased a tee shirt that says “This Girl Loves Green Day.”  I could probably shoot heroin and it would not affect me like Benedryl does.  I have written blogs that I could not remember while on Benedryl, I bought my mom some books while on Benedryl.


Ok, I am back.  That part was just on the Harry Potter marathon that happens every other weekend on ABC Family, and I have to shout it every time, but there is no one here to shout with.

I have looked up the etymology of kielbasa, bologna and colonel and I realize why they are pronounced the way they are, but it still pisses me off.  Even knowing the history does not help me accept the pronunciation.  They all came from combinations of other words, basically, and so the spelling and pronunciation became different.  That is stupid, though, it is like saying “I know your name is spelled Darcy, but I am going to pronounce it Daniel because that is a word I know.”

I keep a list of things that I think of that I want to write a blog about, and I have this in the notes on my phone – “what my dad is thinking rapid succession blinking Indian noise thumping first can’t figure it out third can but don’t care.”  I do not know what any of that means.  I know I wrote it.  I know at one point it made sense to me.  My other notes make sense to me.

During the Harry Potter marathon, I have been subjected to people making me feel guilty about children with no food, elephants and ivory, and abused animals.  I feel bad enough about these things on a daily basis without having visual reminders while I am trying to enjoy my time at Hogwarts.  I mean, I guess I hope it makes other people feel guilty who do not normally feel guilty, and then they will give their money to these causes, but there should be some sort of censor that makes people who need to curl up in the fetal position and cry every time one of these commercials come on safe from viewing them.  Do you want to watch the version of Harry Potter for cold hearted jerks, or for sensitive, guilt ridden people?

Billie Joe Armstrong and Mike Dirnt opened a coffee place, and I saved this picture so that every time I turn my phone on, Billie is offering me coffee.  It makes me happy.


Also, I kicked my brother’s ass at Scrabble, and his dog was watching.  Here is Cindy throwing some shade at my brother because she is disappointed in him.



Sometimes I Require Attention.

For the most part, I hang out by myself and I am ok with that.  I do not always like talking out loud, so that means I am not a big fan of being social.  I really spend quite a lot of time by myself with no human interaction.

I like my friend Sabrina the Human because when I am with her she just talks and talks and talks, so I do not have to say anything.  I like her for a lot of other reasons, too, but I said that to her the other day and it was funny.  Normally I do not actually get to see Sabrina the Human that much but because I am currently obsessed with the Beck Center production of American Idiot, and she lives right down the street, I get to see her a lot.  Here is a picture of us laying on the cement in the parking lot because it was a nice night and it felt like the right thing to do.



Some of the people that I sometimes require attention from include:  All Of The Animals, my brother, Dan Folino, Billie Joe Armstrong, Robert Downey Jr., Dave from Half Price Books and Amiee Collier.  Two of those people are local actors who I really like, one is related to me, two are super famous and will not actually ever pay attention to me and the rest are All Of The Animals.  There are a lot of people who will happily pay attention to me whenever I want and this is not to say that this list of people is somehow better or more interesting – possibly more elusive.  For once I do not know how to explain something.

But anyway, my brother is busy and he does not like to text, so we go weeks without even saying hi to each other.  I sometimes text him a lot of things and then he tells me I text too much.  Then sometimes he will text back “Hi” or I will say “Hi this is your sister remember me?” and he will say “What?  Who is this?” and I think that is very funny and then that is how I know he loves me.

Animals really tend to pay a lot of attention to me because I carry treats with me at all times, but not all of them like to be grabbed and squished, which is what I prefer.  I take what I can get.

Dan Folino is very accepting of my chronic need for attention, and I told him this even though I was told I should not inflate his ego more than necessary, but I consider writing to Dan Folino via Facebook message to be like writing to God – sometimes he grants you a reply and you live in his glory, and sometimes you just talk and know in your heart of hearts that he is listening and just does not have the time to respond.  For the past year, since it was announced that Beck would be doing American Idiot and that Dan Folino would be in it, I have been very needy in my attention.  I have offered All Of The Advice since I am clearly the expert on Green Day and how Dan Folino should best be showcased.  I even insulted Dan Folino twice by accident and he granted me his forgiveness because he knows I am basically a social moron and that I did not mean to insult him.  One time I said he looked like a predator though, and I felt really bad about that one.  He does not look like a predator.

Amiee Collier is extremely nice and she has a dog named Buckley who is excessively cute, so she sort of falls into both categories – the need for attention from All Of The Animals and the Amiee Collier fandom.  She puts up with me, too.

Billie Joe Armstrong and Robert Downey Jr. are not my BFFs yet, but I am not giving up hope.

Dave from Half Price Books only sometimes pays attention to me, but again, I take what I can get.

I also like when I get attention at work, if I do something particularly good or smart.  That is always good attention.

And recently, my obsession was highlighted because – bear with me on this – I really believe I am invisible.  Not invisible like magic, but I do not believe people notice me or see me despite the fact that my hair is currently bright red and has, in the past, been purple, blue and pink.  I still think people do not notice me so I thought nothing of the fact that I was in the audience of American Idiot for basically 5 or 6 out of the 7 shows they have done so far.  The cast is very young, so I will be referring to them as “kids”.  By this I mean I am legitimately old enough to be their mother.  One of the kids, Kyle Burnett, came up to me after one of the shows and said he thought I might be a figment of his imagination because he kept seeing me and no one believed I was real.  He was sweet as all get out and I wanted to adopt him to become the twin brother of my already adopted work daughter, Xena.  Anyway, he has been doing a vlog for the Cleveland production of American Idiot, and it is really cute – he interviews the cast members and shows some behind the scenes stuff.  So you should go check out his videos here.  Start with the first one and go in order.

If you are in Cleveland, go see American Idiot.  And if you happen to know Billie Joe Armstrong or Robert Downey Jr., please let them know that I would like some attention.

I Have A Miracle Dad.

It is not my fault that I have been slacking so badly.  There were 6 weeks of my dad’s brain doing really crazy things and that was all chaotic and stuff.  The bottom line – he had a spinal fluid leak and it was really quite bad and we thought he was going to be a not talking not walking not moving person forever.  It was horrible.  This is what he was like for a long time, so you can see why I thought he was dying.

But he is almost totally fine now because they did a blood patch and that fixes things.  I’m serious.  Nearly totally fine.  95%.  The biggest problem is that he doesn’t trust himself because he was in a hospital bed without standing or walking for a month, so he thinks he is fragile now.  But look!  My Miracle Dad!

I just blamed my laziness on my convalescing dad, that was really bad. Everyone really knows this is the reason I never get anything done:


The things I learned from this experience – it is NOT ok for my dad to not be around.  We stayed with him at the hospital for all but about 7 hours at night, mostly because they kept trying to kill him there (they made a lot of mistakes)(one that resulted in him being intubated and on a breathing tube for a week).  For a lot of the time he just laid there sounding like he was suffocating, like that first video.  He does not remember anything from that time, which is probably good.  Then he had to lie there with the tube in his throat and he could not talk and he had to point to letters to spell things out.  They had to put a feeding tube in his stomach and a central line in his chest and like, a million IVs.  He could not sit up because if he sat up he basically lost consciousness – all the goo went from inside his head to somewhere else and it made his brain sink down and then he could not function.  He also does not remember being taken by ambulance to the hospital, or the two weeks he was at home after his first hospital stay (they thought they fixed it that first time, but they did not).  He does not remember getting stuck with me and him in the bathroom because he was so out of it I was physically holding him up and he could not do anything.  He does not remember us using the computer chair to transport him during the times when he was semi-functional but not really.  I still think it is good he does not remember all that.

I bought 19 tickets to see American Idiot at The Beck Center.  I love Green Day.  And then guess what?  Out of NOWHERE – I am telling you, out of the COMPLETE FREAKING BLUE – Green Day announces they are doing a show in Cleveland in like, two weeks.  TWO WEEKS.  I really assumed I would never see them in concert because Billie Joe would always be in rehab or dead.  I accepted this fate a long time ago when I missed the last concert that they ended up canceling anyway.  I joined the fan club so that I could get pre-sale tickets, right?  Brilliant move on my part.  I sat watching the countdown before 10am today and the SECOND they went on sale, I was there selecting my seats.  It kept telling me no, Darcy, you cannot have tickets.  Two minutes later, every pre-sale ticket was gone.  GONE.  Now I have to try to get tickets like a normal person at 10am tomorrow.

I wore my shirt inside out and backwards at work a few days ago and everyone laughed at me but then I did not have time to switch it so I had to sit in a meeting like that and I was talking about Very Important Things and Melissa (Hi Melissa) could not control herself she was laughing so hard at me and I finally said “I KNOW MY SHIRT IS WRONG!”  The sad part is, this is not the first time I have done that.

I did a quote for a pet named Butt Butt.

I will be entering new quotes very shortly, so you should keep an eye on that.

My friend Steve fixed my iMac and he lives in Pennsylvania and I live in Ohio and he did not come here in person, he fixed it from Pennsylvania.  The hard drive died completely and he managed to un-die it and restore everything and I think that is really very impressive, so I sent him Cheryl and Company cookies – I can say that without ruining the surprise of cookies because he refuses to read my blog.  He will get 12 cookies a month for the next year.

Ben and Jerry’s has a new flavor called Boom Cocolatta and oh my gosh, it is the best thing ever.  EVER.  You know that chocolate fudgy crunchy stuff in the middle of a Dairy Queen ice cream cake?  It is just like that.

I am going to go eat a pint of ice cream now.