I said that to an approximately 85 year old man at a casino on Sunday.
Here’s what happened – and fair warning, you will be absolutely furious after reading this. Keep in mind, there is a reason I have the word “resilient” tattooed on my hand – it’s because I am. In the moment, I was shocked, horrified, embarrassed, and enraged.
Now that it is all done, I feel kind of awesome and badass.
Josh and I went to the MGM National Harbor casino in Maryland while we were in Washington D.C. for Awesome Con (HUGE Awesome Con post coming!). There we are, playing slot machines, and we get up to go to other machines and the lady next to me asks us what something on her screen means. Josh and I stopped to help her, and this little old man in a baseball hat walks by in the outside aisle and sort of shouts at me “You are too fat to bend over like that”. Here is a drawing I made so you can see the logistics:
Please note: he was not actually holding a pitchfork.
I got thrown off. I said to Josh “Did he seriously just say that?” and then I went back to trying to help the lady, and then I stood up (I WAS actually bending over, pointing at her screen) and I said “I’m hunting him down”.
Josh had no idea what was going to happen, so he just blindly followed me.
I found the Evil Old Man, and I walked right up to him and got all up in his business and right in his face I YELLED “how DARE you call me fat!!” to which he said things like “Well, aren’t you?” and I said things like “You are a fucking asshole” and “You are an old, old man and you are going to die soon” and “You are a fucking old man” and “Shut the fuck up”. The Evil Old Man said something to the effect of “I apologize, but you are fat” – i.e. an apology that wasn’t an apology. There was more yelling and swearing on my part, with poor Josh still standing in shocked silence (and now preparing himself in case I full out physically attacked the guy), and I ended with “You aren’t even allowed to talk to me anymore, so just don’t” and I…this is a thing that I did…I snapped my fingers at him. Like, straight up “you got served a snap” snapped at him, and then I turned and walked away.
I had no place to walk, and I had no idea where I was going, so I basically just went and hid behind another row of slot machines. Josh was right behind me and said “here, would you like this now?” and offered me his beer, which I declined because I don’t really drink all that much. I was all hopped up, because I felt like a total badass and it was awesome that I totally yelled at the Evil Old Man and SNAPPED MY FINGERS AT HIM and for about 10 minutes, I was all like I AM THE BEST EVER. We went to play other slot machines and all was well, and then I felt it coming – I was about to Rage Cry. I am not a big crier, but I do Rage Cry pretty much every time I get very angry about something, and I think this was just about the most angry I have ever been. I went to the bathroom and got all my Rage Crying out, and washed my face so I was less blotchy and came back out and…sitting at a machine just outside the women’s room was…Evil Old Man. He saw me come out and said “If you’re not fat, then what are you?”
Right now, I have a ton of answers to that question. In that moment, well, I also had a ton of answers but they were mostly curse words. In this round of Darcy versus Evil Old Man, here are some of the things I yelled:
“I hope you lose all your money, you little bitch”
“Who raised you, you have no manners”
“Why didn’t you just say “excuse me, can I please get by” like any other normal adult would have, you fucking moron”
To my last question he replied “Because your fat ass boyfriend was in the way.”
Annnndddd…that was it. I thought I was yelling before, but no. At this point, I don’t even know what I was saying, but I was a few inches away from his face, screaming and gesturing wildly. Four people came over, two large security people and two small customer service type women. The Evil Old Man started to tell them that I was harassing him and they said “We saw everything, no she wasn’t” and they told him he was going to have to go with them. HE SHUFFLED AWAY AND HID BEHIND A ROW OF SLOT MACHINES. The security guys stood there while Evil Old Man literally peeked around the corner and they said “Does he think we can’t see him?” and then they went after him while the two customer service ladies asked if I was ok. I was openly Rage Crying at this point and I kept saying that I just needed to go back in the bathroom because I am not a person who normally cries, or yells at people, or swears, and so I needed to go into the bathroom.
25 minutes later, I came out and there was a lady standing there with her arms wide open and I walked right up and she hugged me and said that the Evil Old Man is stupid and old and bitter, and it’s a good thing she wasn’t there, because she would have hit him, and I shouldn’t pay any attention to him because he’s not worth my time. Then two other security guys came over and told me that they made him leave, and if I see him again, to tell them and they will make him go away. Then there was a man with an Australian accent who said that he doesn’t let anyone leave his casino crying, and I should stick around and they are going to give me free money. Then they all escorted me to a desk where they gave me a card thing, and then they radioed around and made sure Evil Old Man was still gone, and escorted me to another place where they put free money on the card thing, and the security guys hugged me and told me I am awesome and then I was ready to cry again because everyone was being so nice.
It was really the best customer service ever, they were so nice, and right there on top of things, and proactive.
Here is a picture of John Barrowman touching my friend Josh’s butt. Much happier posts coming soon with more pictures of JB and David Tennant!