I Hope You Lose All Your Money, You Little Bitch.

I said that to an approximately 85 year old man at a casino on Sunday.

Here’s what happened – and fair warning, you will be absolutely furious after reading this.  Keep in mind, there is a reason I have the word “resilient” tattooed on my hand – it’s because I am.  In the moment, I was shocked, horrified, embarrassed, and enraged.
Now that it is all done, I feel kind of awesome and badass.

Josh and I went to the MGM National Harbor casino in Maryland while we were in Washington D.C. for Awesome Con (HUGE Awesome Con post coming!).  There we are, playing slot machines, and we get up to go to other machines and the lady next to me asks us what something on her screen means.  Josh and I stopped to help her, and this little old man in a baseball hat walks by in the outside aisle and sort of shouts at me “You are too fat to bend over like that”.  Here is a drawing I made so you can see the logistics:

My Drawing

Please note:  he was not actually holding a pitchfork.

I got thrown off.  I said to Josh “Did he seriously just say that?” and then I went back to trying to help the lady, and then I stood up (I WAS actually bending over, pointing at her screen) and I said “I’m hunting him down”.

Josh had no idea what was going to happen, so he just blindly followed me.

I found the Evil Old Man, and I walked right up to him and got all up in his business and right in his face I YELLED “how DARE you call me fat!!” to which he said things like “Well, aren’t you?” and I said things like “You are a fucking asshole” and “You are an old, old man and you are going to die soon” and “You are a fucking old man” and “Shut the fuck up”.  The Evil Old Man said something to the effect of “I apologize, but you are fat” – i.e. an apology that wasn’t an apology.  There was more yelling and swearing on my part, with poor Josh still standing in shocked silence (and now preparing himself in case I full out physically attacked the guy), and I ended with “You aren’t even allowed to talk to me anymore, so just don’t” and I…this is a thing that I did…I snapped my fingers at him.  Like, straight up “you got served a snap” snapped at him, and then I turned and walked away.

I had no place to walk, and I had no idea where I was going, so I basically just went and hid behind another row of slot machines.  Josh was right behind me and said “here, would you like this now?” and offered me his beer, which I declined because I don’t really drink all that much.  I was all hopped up, because I felt like a total badass and it was awesome that I totally yelled at the Evil Old Man and SNAPPED MY FINGERS AT HIM and for about 10 minutes, I was all like I AM THE BEST EVER.  We went to play other slot machines and all was well, and then I felt it coming – I was about to Rage Cry.  I am not a big crier, but I do Rage Cry pretty much every time I get very angry about something, and I think this was just about the most angry I have ever been.  I went to the bathroom and got all my Rage Crying out, and washed my face so I was less blotchy and came back out and…sitting at a machine just outside the women’s room was…Evil Old Man.  He saw me come out and said “If you’re not fat, then what are you?”

Right now, I have a ton of answers to that question.  In that moment, well, I also had a ton of answers but they were mostly curse words.  In this round of Darcy versus Evil Old Man, here are some of the things I yelled:

“I hope you lose all your money, you little bitch”
“Who raised you, you have no manners”
“Why didn’t you just say “excuse me, can I please get by” like any other normal adult would have, you fucking moron”

To my last question he replied “Because your fat ass boyfriend was in the way.”

Annnndddd…that was it.  I thought I was yelling before, but no.  At this point, I don’t even know what I was saying, but I was a few inches away from his face, screaming and gesturing wildly.  Four people came over, two large security people and two small customer service type women.  The Evil Old Man started to tell them that I was harassing him and they said “We saw everything, no she wasn’t” and they told him he was going to have to go with them.  HE SHUFFLED AWAY AND HID BEHIND A ROW OF SLOT MACHINES.  The security guys stood there while Evil Old Man literally peeked around the corner and they said “Does he think we can’t see him?” and then they went after him while the two customer service ladies asked if I was ok.  I was openly Rage Crying at this point and I kept saying that I just needed to go back in the bathroom because I am not a person who normally cries, or yells at people, or swears, and so I needed to go into the bathroom.

25 minutes later, I came out and there was a lady standing there with her arms wide open and I walked right up and she hugged me and said that the Evil Old Man is stupid and old and bitter, and it’s a good thing she wasn’t there, because she would have hit him, and I shouldn’t pay any attention to him because he’s not worth my time.  Then two other security guys came over and told me that they made him leave, and if I see him again, to tell them and they will make him go away.  Then there was a man with an Australian accent who said that he doesn’t let anyone leave his casino crying, and I should stick around and they are going to give me free money.  Then they all escorted me to a desk where they gave me a card thing, and then they radioed around and made sure Evil Old Man was still gone, and escorted me to another place where they put free money on the card thing, and the security guys hugged me and told me I am awesome and then I was ready to cry again because everyone was being so nice.

It was really the best customer service ever, they were so nice, and right there on top of things, and proactive.

Here is a picture of John Barrowman touching my friend Josh’s butt. Much happier posts coming soon with more pictures of JB and David Tennant!

JB and JB

I Hexed A Mean Man At The Casino.

You know how I am a pretty non-controversial person and pretty much keep to myself and stuff – I mean, unless I am at work kicking ass and taking names, that is?

I was at the casino yesterday (Monday) with Josh and Roger and they were somewhere, and I was wandering around, yeah?  I wandered down a row of machines and there were four on each side.  It was a walking area, there is no doubt about that.  I was looking at my phone (Pokemon) (shut up), and I heard…and I am going to quote exactly what this dude said, so please let us all acknowledge that I do not say these words and I am actually having a hard time even typing them.  So the guys says…

Him:  Da fuck are you doing?
Me:  Huh? Me?
Him: You KNOW better than to do that, fuck, you’ve been in casinos.
Me: I…I…what?
Him:  You KNOW what the fuck I’m talking about, get the hell out of here.
Me:  (flapping) What?? I…I…I…walking…I was…
Him: Are you fucking retarded?  You know how this works, you’ve been in casinos before, you have a voucher.
(he is referring to the voucher that prints out when you cash out of a slot machine)
Me:  (still flapping and kind of bouncing) It’s for fifty one cents.
Him: Fifty one cents, I don’t give a fuck.
Me: I don’t know what I did!
Him: Fuck you.

At this point I kind of hopped away.  I know for a fact I did not bump into him, because that would have sent ME spazzing out before he had the chance to react.  I know I did not step on anything, because again, I would have spazzed out first.

I went to a machine that had penguins and put in $20 and laughed stupidly at the penguin animations and then I thought “Da fuck?  That guy has no business!” and so I decided to retaliate.

I went back over to where this guy (and his three old lady friends) were, and I…stood there.  Like this.


You can see Old Lady #1 and Old Lady #2, but you cannot see #3 or The F-Bomb Man.  The main point of this picture is my proximity to the people, and well, if you recognize either old lady please send them hate mail on my behalf.

I hexed the man and his family.  I wished for him to have to pee often throughout the night; for him to see my face every time he tried to get naked with someone; for him to spill his beverage every time he had one;  for his family to never win any money (they weren’t winning, so I think I was succeeding);  and I tried to set him on fire with my brain.

The F-Bomb Man was sitting directly in front of me.  When I stood there, he looked over his shoulder, and I smiled.  He looked back at his machine, then at me.  I smiled again.  Back at the machine, back at me.  More smiling.  He decided to exert his authority to show that I am not allowed to have that machine (I didn’t want it in the first place, I do not just sit in between people, I only take machines on the ends!) by leaving $1 in the machine and getting up and sitting in a chair for a different machine that he was not using.  You see, if someone has their card or money in a machine you cannot just sit and take it.  Someone else walked by and started to try to sit there, not realizing his card and $1 was in there, and he yelled at her.  She gave him a look and walked away.  He looked at me and I looked at him and he glared and I smiled and STARED STRAIGHT INTO HIS EYEBALLS.  Those of you who know me know this is no easy feat.  I held it for a good 30 seconds, and he looked away first.

He played his $1 and then escorted Old Lady #4 (who I don’t think was even with this group, I honestly think he grabbed a random old lady) to the machine and had her play there – presumably, again, so that I could not.  She ran out of money and left.

We’re at 15 minutes at this point, of me just standing there hexing him and smiling every time he looked at me.

You see that lady in green?  When F-Bomb Man and Random Old Lady ran out of money, she put her feet up on the chair in front of that machine and then turned around and looked at me.  I smiled.  After awhile, she started playing two machines – the machine her bottom half was playing, and the machine her top half was playing.

Another lady walks by – and this is where I realized these people are just jerks and it wasn’t a race issue – I am white and the previous lady who tried to play the machine was white.  But this second lady was black, and she asked Old Lady #2 (Green Lady) if she could use one of the machines.  Green Lady said no.  Second Lady said “I don’t think you’re allowed to play two machines at once”.  F-Bomb Man got up and walked towards Second Lady.  Second Lady turned to me and I said “Yeah, they’ve been doing this for 20 minutes now” and we openly and loudly talked about how rude they are.  Then Second Lady said “I really don’t think a person is allowed to use two machines at once” and I said “I’ll go tell on them!” and I turned and went to find someone to tattle to.

I found a group of employees and told them what was happening, and they were VERY nice and sympathetic, but said “What card level are you?” and I said that I do not have a card, but the Bad People had cards (you can stick a card in the machine for like, points).  The employees looked at each other and said they would be happy to get a supervisor, but if I do not have a card, they will do what the people with the cards want regardless of how mean it is.

Then my back hurt really bad and Josh and Roger were leaving, so I left, too, but I regret not staying longer.

I plan on going back and looking for them as often as possible and just haunting the ever loving shit out of them.