I Met 011 From Stranger Things.

Well hello.

It’s been awhile.

I have not written anything because I hate Donald Trump so much that I was afraid anything I write would be a flaming, rage filled hate post and I would not be able to ever post happy things again.  It has taken me this long to get to the point where I can do my normal “write without editing” and be fairly confident it will not turn into me spewing hatred towards #45.

I went to the Cleveland Wizard World Comic Con.  I did not originally plan to go, but a few days before the weekend it was here, my friend posted on Facebook that she was selling her weekend pass, so I thought I would see who was going to be there.  I checked several times prior to the actual weekend of the event and no one I was interested in was going to be there.  This time when I checked, there was Dean Cain, Cordelia and Xander from Buffy, and 011 from Stranger Things.

If you look at this post, you’ll see my friend Sabrina the Human and her interactions with Dean Cain.  Well.  When I saw he was going to be in Cleveland, I purchased a photo op because this would be her chance to seduce and marry him.  Yes, she has a boyfriend, but….Dean Cain.

Dean Cain

And who doesn’t love Buffy?  I love Buffy.  The morning of the photo op with them, though, I pulled a major Darcy.  Every once in awhile I get this thing, and I kind of panic, and then I kind of can’t leave my bed.  It is weird.  My constant state is anxiety, but this is me lying in bed staring at the wall, unable to move, even though famous people are waiting to let me stand next to them for five seconds for an ungodly amount of money.  Sabrina the Human took my place.

Buffy

I finally got my shit together and got there JUST ON TIME to…wait in line for 1.5 hours to get my picture taken with Millie Bobby Brown from Stranger Things.  There were many people in line.  Many.  I finally got into the “picture tent” and they were just pushing people through like cattle, and for every picture, 011 didn’t even look at the person next to her, but she did a completely different face and pose with each person….it’s just that the person with her had no idea what she was going to do, so they just stood next to her while she posed.  When I got next to her, I said “What face are we making?” and she said “This one” and went all cute and girly.  It is time to review a few things about me.

  1. I am not cute and girly
  2. I am short and stubby
  3. I have deformed wrists
  4. I have several chins

Keeping those things in mind, here is the picture that happened.

011

Let us now analyze the picture.

The hand.  That is the extent to which I can bend my wrist.

The shoulder/body.  It is large and in charge.

The neck.  There are no defining lines whatsoever.

The chin.  What chin?

The lips.  Just…what?? What was I even doing?

I look like a Jewish or Italian grandma trying to get someone to eat more food.

Can I even make a cutesy kissy face, when I am not under the pressure of having to do it while standing next to a tiny person with a cute accent who has a lot more money than I do?  Let’s see, shall we?

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The answer is no.

We Are All Going To Die During the RNC.

The RNC is coming to Cleveland.  So are Black Lives Matter people, anti-Black Lives Matter people, and probably the KKK, white supremacists, people with guns, unstable people (and I don’t just mean Donald Trump, there will be others as well), and all the crappy white people are going to cause trouble.

I just made a lot of blanket statements.

I do not like rich white men.  I do not like entitled white men with guns…or ones without guns.  I do not like uneducated hillbilly white men with guns.  I do not like anyone who thinks it is ok to solve a problem by shooting other people.  And a large percentage of these people are coming to my city next week.  I mean, I don’t like black men with guns, either, but so far, the odds seem to be that white men are the actual dangerous ones because they are the ones in power.

The police are probably terrified because they are expected to keep an entire city plus 50,000 extra people safe, right?  But then they are faced with the fact that every move they make is under scrutiny, so it will be what, 5,000 cops versus 50,000 extra people plus whatever Clevelanders decide to protest.  Those are not good odds for the police officers. All of these people are going to be carrying guns (not just the police) and how are the police supposed to tell which ones are dangerous?  Mistakes are going to be made and a lot of lives are going to be ruined.  We’re asking them to prevent citizens from being killed by other citizens, but we’re also telling them that they can’t use force against citizens, so they are damned if they do and damned if they don’t.

This is unrelated to actual excessive police violence, I am not commenting on that.  I am commenting specifically on the very difficult situation police officers will be in during the RNC.  If they do end up having to shoot someone, thinking they are preventing a mass shooting, and it turns out they are wrong, they will be lynched.  If they opt NOT to shoot the person, and that person DOES commit a mass shooting, the police will once again be lynched.

Isis will be there and the NRA will be there telling Isis it is their right to own assault rifles, and Donald Trump will be there saying we need to corral and tag every non white person, including Jews who are actually white, but they are not Donald Trump’s kind of white, so obviously, they are wrong.  My dad is going to have to wear a Star of David, and any of my friends of color are just going to have to not leave their houses.

Oh, and 100 woman plan on welcoming Donald Trump – naked.  Donald Trump will not be naked, the women will be.  It’s an art thing. But you know what will happen?  Donald Trump and all the other privileged white men will rape the naked woman and say they were asking for it.

Police officers will risk their lives and they will not know if they are risking their lives for the right people – did they just prevent a mass shooting, or did they just tackle an innocent person? Who knows.  With 50,000 extra people in the city, it is going to be hard to tell.  There are also going to be extra police officers, but they are still way outnumbered.

I swear I do not hate all men.  Just most of them.  Women need to be in charge of EVERYTHING and just calm everything the hell down for a little bit.  Even Isis.  They need to stop kidnapping and raping women and put them in charge of things.  Clean themselves up a bit.  Try to be productive.

In Dartopia, Donald Trump will get his own island, and it will consist only of him and sand.   He will try to build sand castles and turn them into hotels, but you know what?  The tide will come in and wash all of his work away every single day.  No matter where on the island he goes, the tide will follow – but only after he’s built his hotels out of sand.  He just has to live with himself for a good long time.  He will not be incorporated back into society. Some of my islands, the intent is to incorporate people back into society, but not Trump.  He stays on his island.  And a lot of food will be available to him, but it will all be food he hates.

In case any of this is unclear, I am a supporter of Black Lives Matter, I am an LGBTQ ally, I do not think anyone needs to own a gun, I think most police officers are sincere and want to save and help people, and I generally dislike men.  There’s a lot of other things about me and my opinions, too, but just in case my stream of consciousness writing made it sound like I was not supporting something that I actually support, I wanted to point that out.

Thank you and good day, sir.

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Sometimes I Require Attention.

For the most part, I hang out by myself and I am ok with that.  I do not always like talking out loud, so that means I am not a big fan of being social.  I really spend quite a lot of time by myself with no human interaction.

I like my friend Sabrina the Human because when I am with her she just talks and talks and talks, so I do not have to say anything.  I like her for a lot of other reasons, too, but I said that to her the other day and it was funny.  Normally I do not actually get to see Sabrina the Human that much but because I am currently obsessed with the Beck Center production of American Idiot, and she lives right down the street, I get to see her a lot.  Here is a picture of us laying on the cement in the parking lot because it was a nice night and it felt like the right thing to do.

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Some of the people that I sometimes require attention from include:  All Of The Animals, my brother, Dan Folino, Billie Joe Armstrong, Robert Downey Jr., Dave from Half Price Books and Amiee Collier.  Two of those people are local actors who I really like, one is related to me, two are super famous and will not actually ever pay attention to me and the rest are All Of The Animals.  There are a lot of people who will happily pay attention to me whenever I want and this is not to say that this list of people is somehow better or more interesting – possibly more elusive.  For once I do not know how to explain something.

But anyway, my brother is busy and he does not like to text, so we go weeks without even saying hi to each other.  I sometimes text him a lot of things and then he tells me I text too much.  Then sometimes he will text back “Hi” or I will say “Hi this is your sister remember me?” and he will say “What?  Who is this?” and I think that is very funny and then that is how I know he loves me.

Animals really tend to pay a lot of attention to me because I carry treats with me at all times, but not all of them like to be grabbed and squished, which is what I prefer.  I take what I can get.

Dan Folino is very accepting of my chronic need for attention, and I told him this even though I was told I should not inflate his ego more than necessary, but I consider writing to Dan Folino via Facebook message to be like writing to God – sometimes he grants you a reply and you live in his glory, and sometimes you just talk and know in your heart of hearts that he is listening and just does not have the time to respond.  For the past year, since it was announced that Beck would be doing American Idiot and that Dan Folino would be in it, I have been very needy in my attention.  I have offered All Of The Advice since I am clearly the expert on Green Day and how Dan Folino should best be showcased.  I even insulted Dan Folino twice by accident and he granted me his forgiveness because he knows I am basically a social moron and that I did not mean to insult him.  One time I said he looked like a predator though, and I felt really bad about that one.  He does not look like a predator.

Amiee Collier is extremely nice and she has a dog named Buckley who is excessively cute, so she sort of falls into both categories – the need for attention from All Of The Animals and the Amiee Collier fandom.  She puts up with me, too.

Billie Joe Armstrong and Robert Downey Jr. are not my BFFs yet, but I am not giving up hope.

Dave from Half Price Books only sometimes pays attention to me, but again, I take what I can get.

I also like when I get attention at work, if I do something particularly good or smart.  That is always good attention.

And recently, my obsession was highlighted because – bear with me on this – I really believe I am invisible.  Not invisible like magic, but I do not believe people notice me or see me despite the fact that my hair is currently bright red and has, in the past, been purple, blue and pink.  I still think people do not notice me so I thought nothing of the fact that I was in the audience of American Idiot for basically 5 or 6 out of the 7 shows they have done so far.  The cast is very young, so I will be referring to them as “kids”.  By this I mean I am legitimately old enough to be their mother.  One of the kids, Kyle Burnett, came up to me after one of the shows and said he thought I might be a figment of his imagination because he kept seeing me and no one believed I was real.  He was sweet as all get out and I wanted to adopt him to become the twin brother of my already adopted work daughter, Xena.  Anyway, he has been doing a vlog for the Cleveland production of American Idiot, and it is really cute – he interviews the cast members and shows some behind the scenes stuff.  So you should go check out his videos here.  Start with the first one and go in order.

If you are in Cleveland, go see American Idiot.  And if you happen to know Billie Joe Armstrong or Robert Downey Jr., please let them know that I would like some attention.