My Adventures In New York.

*****I am editing this after the fact because I did not realize what I wrote about cabs versus walking made Jane sound like an awful person!!  I tend to have this issue where I think I am being funny or clear about something, and it turns out, I am being a jerk!  Jane was NOT mean about the walking/blood sugar thing!  I meant to emphasize that we walked because she does not like cabs, and with all of my fears, I would never judge someone based on theirs, so we walked.  Jane is NOT out to kill me!  I feel terrible so I want it known publicly that Jane is a wonderful friend, hostess and attender to my fears/phobias – she would never try to kill me or intentionally make me do something bad.

Here we go!

My adventure started by driving to the Kia dealership to get my oil changed and my tires rotated and all that.  About two weeks prior to leaving on my trip, I estimated I had a certain amount of money, and I was completely fine with that.  When it came time to leave, I had about half of what I expected.  No, I did not spend it on soft things or candy, I actually paid bills.  So anyway, my mom went with me so she could use her credit card to pay for my car stuff (and add it to my never ending tally that my dad keeps of money I owe him).  While at the Kia dealership, we got into an argument about that commercial where little girls use the F-Bomb to show that it is shocking to hear kids saying that, but it is more shocking that women are so unequal to men.  Here, you can watch it, too.  Our argument had nothing to do with what was said in the video, it was because my mom said that all little girls think they have to be sassy and have an attitude and she hates that.  I told her that was completely not the point.  She said she didn’t care, the girls in that video are acting like jerks.  I said they were acting.

Anyway, I started on my drive to Pennsylvania because I was staying with my friends Steve and Jane.  I got there after getting lost and adding about 40 minutes to my drive.  I was promised ice cream upon arrival, so Steve and I went and got ice cream.

We woke up at an ungodly hour the next morning so that Jane and I could get on a bus and go to NYC.  Bus rides are boring.  They are also scary.  It was 2 hours or something.  We were deposited at Port Authority where we searched out the nearest Starbucks and (for Jane) the bathroom.  I had a glorious venti iced peppermint mocha.  We got into a cab and went to our hotel, where I got out of the cab and proceeded to drop my glorious beverage on the ground.  It was horrible.

We dropped off our stuff and went to see If/Then.  I wanted to take a cab because I am really bad at factoring in exercise and insulin, and my blood sugar would undoubtedly go low in the middle of the show.  Jane did not want to take a cab because as much as my fear of flying or buses is, that is her fear/dislike of cabs.  I can’t argue with that!  So we walked and we got to the theater and stood by the stage door because we were early enough to catch the actors coming into the theater.  We didn’t know it at the time, but we basically saw the entire cast come in – the only people I knew were Anthony Rapp and Idina Menzel, though, so we pretty much ignored the others.  Anthony came and was adorable and I didn’t say anything because I knew he was in a hurry, so I just stared at him.  Then it got later and later, and no Idina.  The show was at 2, and it was 1:45.  Everyone else (in terms of patrons) had gone into the theater, but Jane and I were resilient and we stayed by the door.  I knew not to say a single thing when Idina came, because she was obviously late and would be in a big hurry, so I basically flattened myself against the wall by the door, and then, like the goddess she is, she came.  She was carrying her sick kid, which just proves she is beyond normal humanity, because the kid was pretty big, and she is pretty small, and she was carrying him for a long time.  She went into the stage door and I, flattened against the wall, stared.  I was within her breathing space.  I might have inhaled her kids germs, which could have made me sick, which basically means Idina Menzel is my BFF.

We went into the theater, the show was amazing, and my blood sugar DID go low at intermission, and I had nothing to treat it with, so I just unplugged my insulin pump.  It still went lower anyway, so I figured I’d buy a coke after the show, but after the show, all the Coke people were closed.  There was still Stage Door Stalking to do, so I ignored my low blood sugar and stalked Anthony Rapp.  He remembered me!   I have told this story before, but long story short, many years ago in the pre-Broadway tour of You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown, my friends Catharine and Mo and I went to see it in Detroit.  We Stage Door Stalked after the show, and were some of the last people to meet Anthony.  He said “Do you guys know where I can buy contact lens solution?” and Mo, being the native Detroit person, said yes, but that it was not within walking distance.  Then she said “Do you want a ride there?” and he said “yes” and we all nearly died as Anthony Rapp got into Catharine’s car and we drove him to Rite Aid.  He helped me pick out a birthday card for my friend, and we talked about Grapes of Wrath and Of Mice and Men.  So there was that.  And then when he and Adam Pascal were back in the tour of RENT in Cleveland more recently, he asked about vegan food in Cleveland (not directly to me, it was via Twitter or something), and I brought him vegan stuff.  That was a very quick interaction, though.  So anyway – he remembered me!  This is sort of strange, but because Catharine (who is now dead) was with us, and because RENT was a big thing for me and Catharine (who is now dead), Anthony Rapp has a meaning for me beyond just fan girl appreciation.  I have been watching him for nearly 20 years (not quite, but nearly) and it was all with Catharine and so to me, seeing Anthony Rapp is very familiar and for me, it is like seeing a Comfort Person.  I do not have many Comfort People, so this is a big thing.  Idina is not a comfort person, that is totally a fan girl thing.  Part of the reason Anthony is a Comfort Person is also because his voice is the only one I can sing with in the car.  So Catharine and I would sing RENT and You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown and I would sing all his parts and she’d sing everyone else.  So anyway, even though he does not have any idea, the man means a lot to me.

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I basically died – not just because I love him, but because my blood sugar was still super low.  Jane and I crashed into the only restaurant we could find that didn’t have a line out the door and I drank Pepsi.  Mmmmm, real Pepsi.  Not diet.  So good.

Then I said we should take a cab to see Cabaret, because I didn’t want my blood sugar to go low again, and Jane said no.  But she said she’d buy me a preemptive Coke/Pepsi just in case.  We got to the theater, and I finally had to pee (more on peeing in future posts, but as most of you know because I talk about it so much, I rarely pee).  Jane said the bathrooms were normal, but maybe I am just used to luxurious midwestern bathroom stalls, I thought it was the smallest stall I had ever seen.  I had to lean back over the toilet to close the door!  And then….well….and then my bra popped off.  Only my friend Mary knows the second part of this story, but the part I will share is that my bra popped off.  It just unhooked, all by itself.  So I am in this microstall without a bra.  Because of my wrist issues, I cannot reach back and just rehook it, I have to take everything off, hook it while it is off of me, and put it on like a shirt (TMI, sorry).  So I did that in the microstall.  It was difficult.

Cabaret was *amazing*.  I hate the show because, you know, naked.  Lots and lots of naked.  I’ve seen it before in NYC, but not with Alan Cumming.  Words cannot describe how amazing he is.  He brought depth to the role of the Emcee that I have never experienced, and it went from being a show that I didn’t care for with very little plot that meant anything to an actual story that I cared about.  He was flawless.  His improv was perfect, he was funny and charming, and while he was basically naked the whole time, I couldn’t take my eyes off of him.  Even when he wasn’t the focus, I just watched wherever he was.

Then….Stage Door Stalking.  We were not allowed to take pictures with Alan Cumming, but he came out and said hi and signed things and we still took pictures of him, just not of us with him.  I had the beyond brilliant conversation as follows:
Me:  Hi Alan Cumming I am reading your book and I read your other book too but I did not like that one I mean I liked it but not as much as this one.
Alan Cumming:  Thank you.
Me:  I did not mean that I did not like your other book, I just like this one better.
Alan Cumming:  I do, too.

Sigh.

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On Sunday Jane and I had our official “Meet Every Friend on Facebook For Coffee” date, and then went to Jane’s mom’s house for her (Jane’s) birthday dinner.  This is their dog, Bella.

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I went back to NYC on Monday by myself, on the Scary Bus.  I had four coffee dates!  I also pet roughly 20 dogs and saw about 50 of them.  It was fantastic.  I am going to detail my coffee dates (all of them, not just the NYC ones) in a separate part of my blog, so I will just talk about the time between coffee dates.

Hotel – very cool and modern, but very much like a New York apartment.  Here is the distance between my knees and the wall in the bathroom.

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Another MicroBathroom.  Also, there was a window from the bedroom (which was the bed plus about 6 inches on either side) into the shower/bathroom.  See?

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Here is the view from the bathroom into the bedroom.

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I basically spent all my time just wandering between coffee dates, and petting dogs.  When I got back to my hotel at night, it was FREEZING in the room.  The window had been open when I came in, and I shut it, so I knew it wasn’t that.  I tried turning the heat on, and just cold air came out.  So I called the People Who Fix These Things and they came up and said that the heat would not come on until it was below a certain temperature outside, and it was not yet below that temperature.  But then he looked at the window, and it was open at the top!  Who ever heard of such a thing, a window opening at the time.  I thought all the street noise was especially loud, but I knew I closed the window, so I figured the walls were just thin.  He closed the window and all was well and I offered him a Hershey Nugget and he did not accept.

Coming soon – Coffee Dates!  It will be its own section on the home page with a drop down menu.

If You Are My Facebook Friend You Must Read This.

I have a new idea.  I always have ideas and then they kind of fizzle out.  Like that time I wanted to send letters to everyone and I only sent a few letters to a few people.

This time I have decided that throughout the next five years I am going to meet each of my FB friends at a Starbucks and have coffee.  I do not care how much we do not know each other, or do not remember each other, we are sitting down for at least 15 minutes and enjoying a beverage.  I will meet you where you live, except for you, Mo, because I will not go to Israel.  We can meet somewhere neutral like Switzerland.  Everyone else, I will come to you.  My only requirement is that you write a brief description of how we meet/how you know me.  And that you take a selfie with me.  Maybe I will write a book.  I might make you sign a release form.  Probably not, though.  I will probably just start a new section on my blog called Starbucks Selfies.  EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU WILL BE SUBJECT TO THIS.  We can meet and stare at each other if we actually do not know each other well enough to have anything to talk about, we can play a game of Scrabble, we can chat, we can color pictures for each other.  I am open to anything.

This also applies to people I see everyday and know well.  Oh, and if you do not remember how we met, either make something up or just say you do not remember, because I cannot remember how I met some of you.

So there is my project.  Sometime within the next five years, expect a message from me with a link to this blog and an invitation.

Also, tonight my mom suddenly appeared and said we had to go to Malley’s to get chocolate so I put my shoes on and got in the car and sat there for a good four minutes.  I honked my horn which I never do because I was getting very anxious waiting and kind of spazzing out and it turns out she was making coffee.  In an actual mug, not a travel mug.  For our 5 minute trip to Malley’s.  It was funny.

Prepare for coffee.

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