My Dad Shrunk My Fancy Work Shirt.

I have been posting on Facebook for weeks now about how horrified I am that I have to buy grown up clothes for some upcoming work travel.  I wear the same thing every day – jeans and a black tee shirt and a hoodie.  I have 7 pairs of the same jeans, 10 of the same long sleeved back tee shirt, and 10 of the same short sleeved black tee shirt. I do not own clothes other than these.  So when I found out that I had to dress “business casual” for work trips, I freaked.

I actually found out on my way to New York, and spent my entire vacation saying to everyone I met “I have to wear grown up clothes for work and I don’t own any”.  Clothes are a big deal for me.  Whether or not I am actually “on the spectrum”, one of the very common things is that I am super particular about what I wear in terms of the way it feels and the way it fits.  If something is even slightly too tight, it will change my entire day and how I act and how I am able to function.  This is why I wear clothes a size too big.  But, as Catharine used to say, it looks like I am wearing a garbage bag, so there is nothing professional looking about wearing a size too big.  I cannot stand any fabric that is not stretchy jeans or cotton.

Part of my business casual is an official button down shirt with my company’s name on it.  It is very fancy.  I was happily surprised because it felt nice.  It also fit on the large size.  I put it in the washing machine with the intent of air drying it because my work tee shirts all shrunk two sizes in the dryer.  When I do laundry, for two loads, it can take me around 8 hours.  I do not rush back to the washer to switch the clothes, etc.  My dad, on the other hand – if he hears the washer stop, which he always does, I hear “YOUR LAUNDRY NEEDS TO BE SWITCHED” from the other room.  I say “OK DO NOT WORRY, I WILL DO IT”.  And I will.  But I have never had the chance because within 5 minutes my dad is up and switching my laundry.  Usually I hear him and can tend to it, but I did not hear him this time.  I was taking out recycling when I noticed the dryer was on and the washer was running again.  I pulled out my Fancy Work Shirt and lo and behold, it was completely dry, and two sizes smaller.  I can wear it unbuttoned with a shirt underneath, but the shoulders and arms shrunk and are SO TIGHT AND UNCOMFORTABLE I WILL DIE.

Hopefully I can wear the business casual wardrobe I ordered online, which consists of four pairs of identical black pants and four identical “blouses”.  Not shirts.  That is how I knew they were fancy, they are called “blouses”.  They look like long sleeved tee shirts with a few buttons down the front, so I think I will be able to tolerate them.  Here is a picture.

Business Casual Shirt

I will report back on my wardrobe issues while I travel, as I am sure there will be many.

This Is My Post From Work.

I am on my break, I would like to clarify that.

Today Ken went on an office adventure and visited people and he sat on Kate’s shoulder and went in her hair (which is long and wavy, so he got pretty far in there).  Luckily, Ken did not poop on Kate.  And Ken has never peed on anyone at all, he has amazing self restraint in that department.  Really, he does not poop on people unless he is away from his cage for too long.

I need to think of something new for my Mystery Button, does anyone out there have any particularly weird talents they would like to send to me on video and you can be my Mystery Button?  The more I look at the word Mystery, the more it doesn’t look like a real word anymore.

Sabrina’s lessons are going well.  She knows how to high five and sit, and she is currently learning how to meow on command, because she has the cutest kitty voice ever.  In a choir of kitties, she would be a soloist.

Last night AJ was standing behind me, so naturally I grabbed his arms and leaned forward, pulling him up on my back so that his legs were dangling in the air.  It was really funny and somehow it made my back feel really nice, so I left him there.  After awhile, he wanted to get down but I wouldn’t let him, so he just had to hang there saying “Come on, please?  I have to go to bed!  Let me down!” and he would kick his little feet that were dangling in the air and it was funny.

My mom has become addicted to reality shows because we put a tv on her porch.  If I have not explained the porch yet, here it is – my mom smokes so we make her sit out on the porch.  It is a nice porch and we have a nice backyard to look at.  For awhile, she sat out there and read a book a day, but then she got bored.  My dad called the cable people and they came and put cable onto a tv on the porch and now my mom watches tv, which she never used to do because she hates it.  But now she watches Cupcake Wars, some Amish reality show, some show about Secret Princes, and…get ready for it…Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.  My dad freaks out saying the cable box will freeze on the porch in the winter, so he has come up with the idea of putting the tv INSIDE the house, facing out to the porch.  Then he will put wireless speakers on the porch.  Then my mom will have to sit facing the sliding glass doors that go into the house and watch her tv through the glass.  The mental image of my mom sitting in front of a glass door with a tv inside the house is…interesting.  For now she has decided to ward off any cold by surrounding the cable box with pillows.  Every day my dad says “It’s going to die!  The box will die!  We’ll need to get a new box, it’s going to freeze!” and every day my mom says “Ken, calm down!  It’ll be fine!  I’ll put a blanket over it”, to which my dad responds “A blanket??  It will catch on fire and we’ll all die, you’ll see.  And I’ll go first because my bedroom is above the porch.  It’ll cause a fire.  I don’t know what’s worse, the cable box freezing and having to buy a new one, or a fire!”  It’s the biggest commotion we have had in my house in quite awhile.  It is all very touch and go, you just never know when my dad is going to leap up from his giant Shaq sized chair and go onto the porch and tell my mom the cable box is going to freeze.

And hey, why don’t you just go on over and Ask the Darcy?  It was interesting there for awhile and now it’s all boring.