Am I Too Young To Come Here?

There is this place called Menorah Park, and it is a home for old Jewish people.  I plan on putting my dad there in 20 years when it is time for The Home.  My mom would hate to be stuck in an old people home, so I will probably just set her adrift on an iceberg.  As long as she can play Scrabble on her (my) iPad, she’ll be fine.  Oh, and I will have to make sure her iceberg washes up near a casino every week or so.

Anyway, right next to Menorah Park is a water rehab facility.  I read about it online and they diagnose your issues and come up with a very thorough plan for fixing you.  I want that to happen for my back.  I already know what is wrong with my wrists, and therapy of any kind will not help them, but maybe it will help my back.  I have never had a real diagnosis of why I am in constant pain.  Sometimes I cannot stand up for more than a few minutes at a time, and that is really embarrassing because most things in life require standing for more than a few minutes.  Also, when I walk, the pain gets so intense that sometimes I have to bend over to make it feel better, and then I get stuck like that.  It happened in NYC.  So I thought, maybe I can fix this.

My assumption has always been that this pain came from when I lift a box very incorrectly at Half Price Books – that is when it started for sure.  It has only become worse, which I assumed is because I am fat.  Because I assume fat people are supposed to be in pain as punishment, I have never tried to do anything about it until now.

BUT – again, Menorah Park is an old person place, so I did not know if I could just call and be like “I am less than 90 years of age, will you still take me?”  So instead I e-mailed and asked that.  What I actually said was “I am not sure if I am allowed to come there because I am 39, but I have the back pain of a 90 year old, if that helps.”  They said I can be any age and that is fine and that I should make an appointment.

It is four days a week (consecutive days), for four weeks in a row.  That is more of a commitment than I am comfortable making because I like to be able to back out of things.  I am going to do it, though.  I accidentally bought a time share in DisneyWorld, and I need to be able to walk around without pain.

Oh yeah – that timeshare in DisneyWorld.  I guess that is another blog, eh?  Stay tuned.


Sing To Me.

I posted this on Facebook and I am putting it on here, too.  A couple years ago I demanded that people call me and sing their favorite Disney song into my voicemail.  I promised I would not pick up the phone, which is not difficult, because I do not answer my phone anyway.  So call 216-990-6962 and sing to me.  I still promise to not pick up the phone.  If you ever feel the need to just call to talk to me, I am still not going to answer, so you will still have to leave a voicemail, and then I will text you back.  Even if I know you and you are calling me, chances are, I will not pick up the phone.

My next mission – make my cat go viral.  This link will open in another page, but seriously, click it.  IT IS FUNNY.  

I get very happy with small things in life.  And I am weirdly obsessed with connecting the internet to me personally.  I constantly want to interact with people in an anonymous, or somewhat anonymous way.  A way where I do not actually have to talk to anyone.  Such as making you sing on my voicemail.

I made cookies tonight and I was all ready to do cute cut out cookies and decorate them, but what really happened was I made all circle cookies and slapped some frosting on them and maybe some sprinkles on a few.  I am the laziest cookie maker.  Also, I used pre made dough.

I am seriously wanting people to call and sing Disney songs to me on my voicemail.  You should do it.  You should also get your friends to do it.  Just say who you are, or if I do not know you, say “You do not know me but I love singing Disney songs, so this is just for you”.   Or, you know, whatever.  216-990-6962.

I had to take Klonopin because I could not stop thinking about all the animals I can not save (again), so I am all squishy and calm.