I Hexed A Mean Man At The Casino.

You know how I am a pretty non-controversial person and pretty much keep to myself and stuff – I mean, unless I am at work kicking ass and taking names, that is?

I was at the casino yesterday (Monday) with Josh and Roger and they were somewhere, and I was wandering around, yeah?  I wandered down a row of machines and there were four on each side.  It was a walking area, there is no doubt about that.  I was looking at my phone (Pokemon) (shut up), and I heard…and I am going to quote exactly what this dude said, so please let us all acknowledge that I do not say these words and I am actually having a hard time even typing them.  So the guys says…

Him:  Da fuck are you doing?
Me:  Huh? Me?
Him: You KNOW better than to do that, fuck, you’ve been in casinos.
Me: I…I…what?
Him:  You KNOW what the fuck I’m talking about, get the hell out of here.
Me:  (flapping) What?? I…I…I…walking…I was…
Him: Are you fucking retarded?  You know how this works, you’ve been in casinos before, you have a voucher.
(he is referring to the voucher that prints out when you cash out of a slot machine)
Me:  (still flapping and kind of bouncing) It’s for fifty one cents.
Him: Fifty one cents, I don’t give a fuck.
Me: I don’t know what I did!
Him: Fuck you.

At this point I kind of hopped away.  I know for a fact I did not bump into him, because that would have sent ME spazzing out before he had the chance to react.  I know I did not step on anything, because again, I would have spazzed out first.

I went to a machine that had penguins and put in $20 and laughed stupidly at the penguin animations and then I thought “Da fuck?  That guy has no business!” and so I decided to retaliate.

I went back over to where this guy (and his three old lady friends) were, and I…stood there.  Like this.

mean-ladies

You can see Old Lady #1 and Old Lady #2, but you cannot see #3 or The F-Bomb Man.  The main point of this picture is my proximity to the people, and well, if you recognize either old lady please send them hate mail on my behalf.

I hexed the man and his family.  I wished for him to have to pee often throughout the night; for him to see my face every time he tried to get naked with someone; for him to spill his beverage every time he had one;  for his family to never win any money (they weren’t winning, so I think I was succeeding);  and I tried to set him on fire with my brain.

The F-Bomb Man was sitting directly in front of me.  When I stood there, he looked over his shoulder, and I smiled.  He looked back at his machine, then at me.  I smiled again.  Back at the machine, back at me.  More smiling.  He decided to exert his authority to show that I am not allowed to have that machine (I didn’t want it in the first place, I do not just sit in between people, I only take machines on the ends!) by leaving $1 in the machine and getting up and sitting in a chair for a different machine that he was not using.  You see, if someone has their card or money in a machine you cannot just sit and take it.  Someone else walked by and started to try to sit there, not realizing his card and $1 was in there, and he yelled at her.  She gave him a look and walked away.  He looked at me and I looked at him and he glared and I smiled and STARED STRAIGHT INTO HIS EYEBALLS.  Those of you who know me know this is no easy feat.  I held it for a good 30 seconds, and he looked away first.

He played his $1 and then escorted Old Lady #4 (who I don’t think was even with this group, I honestly think he grabbed a random old lady) to the machine and had her play there – presumably, again, so that I could not.  She ran out of money and left.

We’re at 15 minutes at this point, of me just standing there hexing him and smiling every time he looked at me.

You see that lady in green?  When F-Bomb Man and Random Old Lady ran out of money, she put her feet up on the chair in front of that machine and then turned around and looked at me.  I smiled.  After awhile, she started playing two machines – the machine her bottom half was playing, and the machine her top half was playing.

Another lady walks by – and this is where I realized these people are just jerks and it wasn’t a race issue – I am white and the previous lady who tried to play the machine was white.  But this second lady was black, and she asked Old Lady #2 (Green Lady) if she could use one of the machines.  Green Lady said no.  Second Lady said “I don’t think you’re allowed to play two machines at once”.  F-Bomb Man got up and walked towards Second Lady.  Second Lady turned to me and I said “Yeah, they’ve been doing this for 20 minutes now” and we openly and loudly talked about how rude they are.  Then Second Lady said “I really don’t think a person is allowed to use two machines at once” and I said “I’ll go tell on them!” and I turned and went to find someone to tattle to.

I found a group of employees and told them what was happening, and they were VERY nice and sympathetic, but said “What card level are you?” and I said that I do not have a card, but the Bad People had cards (you can stick a card in the machine for like, points).  The employees looked at each other and said they would be happy to get a supervisor, but if I do not have a card, they will do what the people with the cards want regardless of how mean it is.

Then my back hurt really bad and Josh and Roger were leaving, so I left, too, but I regret not staying longer.

I plan on going back and looking for them as often as possible and just haunting the ever loving shit out of them.

Toilet Paper

Whoa dude, it has been one long ass time since I posted anything, right?  The thing is, I only post when I am angry, annoyed, inspired by something….or my parents have done something especially insane.  So it has been pretty boring lately?  Not really, but just not interesting enough to post, I guess.  I have some new quotes (see the quotes section), and the thing that inspired today’s post – parental videos.  

Specifically, my parents have gone insane over toilet paper.  

Oh but wait, before I do that, I have to say that I am really annoyed at Jenny McCarthy…again.  She convinced a bunch of mindless people that vaccines cause autism, right?  Then she is on her reality show, which I only watch because Donnie Wahlberg, and she is handling raw chicken – just putting her hands all the hell over that stuff – and then she touched her phone, her computer, HER MOUTH, and basically everything in her kitchen.  So she is totally ok with contaminating her family with raw chicken germs, but not ok with vaccinating them.  I never thought she was a smart person, but, just ew.  That is gross.  I wash my hands after looking at raw chicken, and then periodically during the chicken cooking process and then after I have eaten the freaking chicken.  

Ok but then my parents are crazy. 

Then, there is the only time my dad used the F-Bomb.  Not in the video.  The video is just my mom telling the story about my dad dropping the F-Bomb about toilet paper. 

And last but not least, the science behind everything. 

I hate it when Artie on Glee raps. 

My dad hid my water bottle in the back of the refrigerator, and strategically placed a bunch of stuff in front of it.  When I said “Where is my water bottle” he said “It’s in the refrigerator” and it took me five minutes to find it.  I said “You did that on purpose”.  He said “There’s too much stuff in there, you can’t find anything, there’s nowhere to put anything”.  I could probably link to about ten posts where I have discussed my dad’s insanity about the refrigerator and freezer being too full.  The thing is, they are not full.  There is plenty of room.  I have about 6 bottles of flavored water and that is enough to drive him insane.  Then I have my water bottle that is refillable.  That is the one he hid. 

The thing about my parents is that if you are not actively using something AT THAT MOMENT, they think it needs to be thrown out.  My mom even made an entire “cleaning system” based on this.  I am totally serious.  Back in the 80’s – the very early 80’s – she was on tv and everything for “Maureen’s Method”.  People purchased it.  The number one thing was if you have not used something in a year, you get rid of it.  I am not by any means a hoarder, I do not have a lot of things, but I have things that I have not used in a year and still want to keep!  I do not actively read every book I own, but that does not mean I will not want to reread a book in a year or two.  Plus, it is physically impossible to read like, 800 books at one time.  It just is.  It is impossible.  So I am not going to just get rid of everything, that is crazy.  

I made scrambled eggs for a dog we were dog sitting, and she did not eat them.  I put them in the fridge.  My mom said “You’re never going to use those” and I said “Yes I am” and she said “You aren’t, you are going to put them in there and they will just sit there, either use them or throw them out”.  So I threw out a giant plate of scrambled eggs.  A few hours later, it was time for the dog to eat again, so I made new scrambled eggs.  I said “It sure would be nice if I had leftover eggs to microwave” and my mom insisted that she never said that and the incident never happened and that I just went crazy and threw out eggs.  

My dad enforces the “not actively using something at that moment” ideal by taking things like coffee cups 3/4 full that you were drinking but set down for a minute because you do not chug coffee, and he takes them and puts them in the dishwasher.  You made the mistake of not actively drinking that coffee.  He has done that to people at parties and gatherings of all sorts.  

My cat is adorable. 

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This cat is also super cute, and he is up for adoption!  You may adopt him, just comment here and I will tell you how.  

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