In Which A Dog Sharts On Jackie.

There are many reasons I love my job.  The company is awesome, the people are awesome, there are dogs and cats and sometimes bunnies and guinea pigs and really.  It is just a fabulous place to work.

Right now I am going to tell you why I love the Call Center in particular.  I am the Call Center Manager, so these are my people.  They also happen to be a particularly funny, sarcastic, witty, friendly, happy group of people, so that makes working with them THAT much better.

Recently one of our reps had a call with a person who was having a hard time hearing her.  This particular rep, like me, naturally speaks very loudly.  After about a minute on the phone, she was literally shouting for this person to hear her. Her name is Sammi.  HI SAMMI.  She is also short and has horses.

Sammi

Sammi had the luck of getting the hard of hearing person just as every other person in the call center ended their call, so her increasingly loud call had our full attention.  We also have an internal chat system, which everyone promptly used to mock Sammi. This went on for about 8 minutes.  It was like God himself approved of the harassment of poor Sammi, because not a single other call came in during that time.  The universe wanted us to be a part of that phone call.

I have copied and pasted that conversation below, with annotations so you have an idea of what happened on the phone call to elicit these responses. Bear in mind, anything that Sammi said was repeated by her several times at increasingly louder levels.

Sammi said to the Pet Parent “We never drop pets”.

Ann  3/31/2016 2:07:40 PM
do we drop pets?

Sammi said that we never reduce coverage due to a pet’s age or health.

Ann  3/31/2016 2:07:45 PM
I think we reduce coverage

Sammi repeated that we never reduce coverage.

Ann 3/31/2016 2:07:54 PM
nope, we definitely do

Ann 3/31/2016 2:07:58 PM
she’s said it 4 times, we for sure do

Milena 3/31/2016 2:08:00 PM
Poor Sammi

Sammi said again that we never drop pets from coverage. 

Brent 3/31/2016 2:08:08 PM
almost every pet i think

Ann 3/31/2016 2:08:14 PM
I always drop pets

Milena 3/31/2016 2:08:21 PM
You can never reduce coverage

Ann 3/31/2016 2:08:23 PM
lets me know whether they will survive the apocalypse.

Sammi said that coverage can be decreased to fit a person’s budget. 

Milena 3/31/2016 2:08:28 PM
We don’t like to fit budgets

Joseph 3/31/2016 2:08:38 PM
You all are WRONG. What we don’t do is eat meat on Sundays and every other Tuesday

Sammi said that she would reach out to the Pet Parent’s vet clinic for information, the vet is named Ireland – something. 

Ann 3/31/2016 2:08:41 PM
sammi is going to reach out to ireland

Ann 3/31/2016 2:08:50 PM
shit, that’s a long reach. sammi,you’re not that tall!

Brent 3/31/2016 2:08:54 PM
She must have long arms

Sammi said “No, you don’t have to do anything, we’ll get all the information”

Milena 3/31/2016 2:08:56 PM
The customer has to do everything

Jackie 3/31/2016 2:09:04 PM
OH MY GOD.
BETTY JUST SHARTED ALL OVER ME !
Jackie’s dog, Betty, sharted on her and this is unrelated to Sammi’s conversation.

Betty

Brent 3/31/2016 2:09:15 PM
HA!

Milena 3/31/2016 2:09:21 PM
I’m crying.

Ann 3/31/2016 2:09:36 PM
oh my god. first this person’s coverage is gonna be denied, and their pets dropped. now betty is sharting.

Sammi said that you can cancel at any time.

Brent 3/31/2016 2:11:01 PM
YOU CAN NEVER CANCEL EVER

Sammi asked if there was anything else she could help with.

Ann 3/31/2016 2:11:18 PM
there must be something else sammi can help with

Ann 3/31/2016 2:11:22 PM
because they still talkin’

Darcy 3/31/2016 2:11:29 PM
Hey, is Sammi here today?  I can’t tell.

Lindsey 3/31/2016 2:11:33 PM
hahahahahahahaah

Lindsey 3/31/2016 2:11:37 PM
sammi i’m sorry

Milena 3/31/2016 2:11:38 PM
She’s WFH (work from home) I think

Lindsey 3/31/2016 2:11:44 PM
yes we can still hear her though

Lindsey 3/31/2016 2:11:45 PM
from home

Ann 3/31/2016 2:11:45 PM
wow, really? it’s like she’s right here

Lindsey 3/31/2016 2:11:51 PM
that voice carries

Darcy 3/31/2016 2:11:52 PM
Omg, I’m dying

Ann 3/31/2016 2:11:55 PM
it’s such a good voice.

Darcy 3/31/2016 2:11:56 PM
Oh Sammi, we love you

Sammi said she’d mail a copy of the policy.

Ann 3/31/2016 2:12:02 PM
is she gonna mail a copy? I couldn’t understand.

Joseph 3/31/2016 2:12:09 PM
WOW you all are mean people. I have written evidence for Sammi I was not a part of this

It appeared as if the call was going to end, so people started throwing out suggestions to keep it going longer. 

Lindsey 3/31/2016 2:12:11 PM
can you read her the terms and conditions sammi?

Brent 3/31/2016 2:12:28 PM
TELL HER ABOUT THE WEBSITE!

Sammi 3/31/2016 2:12:33 PM
nope

Ann  3/31/2016 2:12:57 PM
Brent is on my level

Things looked hopeful (for us, not Sammi) because Sammi said something about other levels of coverage. 

Lindsey 3/31/2016 2:12:58 PM
sammi maybe quote her at all possible levels of coverage though

Then it looked like it was ending again, so more suggestions for extending it. 

Joseph 3/31/2016 2:12:58 PM
Talk about vet bill inflation

Darcy 3/31/2016 2:13:10 PM
I can’t even handle this, I am dying

Lindsey 3/31/2016 2:13:12 PM
explain how discounts stack

Joseph 3/31/2016 2:13:18 PM
give her your exstention. don’t forget to do that
give her mine and I’m on non speaking terms with you

Milena 3/31/2016 2:13:22 PM
Did you talk about ORC??

Brent 3/31/2016 2:13:24 PM
ask her about doing an MHR

Lindsey 3/31/2016 2:13:39 PM
explain how we go about paying the vet directly

Ann 3/31/2016 2:14:04 PM
DON’T END IT

The call ended and everyone in the Call Center stood up and gave her a standing ovation.  It was one of the most amazing moments ever.

We also do things like this when people are working from home, but we got free food in the office:
Cheese DipAnd when people are out celebrating Mike’s 50th birthday and we are still working the late shift in the Call Center, they post this picture on Facebook:
Fun BirthdayAnd we respond with this:
Happy BirthdayOne of the reasons I love these people is because we all said “Make cranky faces” and both Peter and Joey are smiling happily.  How can you not love that?

We are also sorting different dogs breeds into Hogwarts Houses on our internal message board thing.  Why?  Because we are awesome.

 

Meat Guilt.

I am not a vegetarian.  Despite the fact that every single thing I write is about how I want to save animals and how I panic when I think they are hurt or suffering, I still eat meat.  There are some really serious repercussions to this, though.

I have been known to go out to eat and order ribs, which I love.  The ribs arrive and they are sitting there looking all tasty and saucy….and I can’t eat them.  I psyche myself out.  They LOOK like the animal they came from, I mean, you can just imagine that rib being on a cow or pig.  So I order ribs and the server says things like “Why aren’t you eating the ribs?”  “Is there something wrong with the ribs?” and you can’t just say “I’m sure they are fine, I just really feel bad for the pig/cow or whatever they came from and I can’t eat them now”.  But then there are times when I eat them anyway, and that is when I feel even worse.

I was recently told by my Accidental Fat Camp doctor that I do not eat enough protein, so she gave me some ways to increase my protein consumption.  The number one suggestion was to eat more things that are protein (as opposed to my regular diet of carbs and sugar) I bought lunch meat (from the deli, I was fancy) and I have been attempting to eat turkey a lot.  I feel terrible.  I SEE turkeys sometimes on my way to work, and there I am, eating them out of a zip lock baggie.  But the turkey from the deli – it’s delicious.  It’s Canadian Maple Turkey, I mean, how could I not eat that?  Then I look at the turkeys wandering around in weird suburban areas and I feel I think, I would be their friend, I do not want to eat them.  And then it is time for lunch and I eat them.

I try to justify my meat eating tendencies by saying that the animal is already dead and made into this cheeseburger, so it would be an insult NOT to eat him.  It really does not work, though, I am unable to trick myself into not feeling Meat Guilt.

I have mentioned before that I am sure there is a way to make delicious rotisserie chickens from a test tube without having to kill real chickens, and I am still confident this technology exists and they are just hiding it so that I have to feel guilty every time I gnaw on a chicken wing.  I saw in passing that they made a test tube hamburger and I thought, wow, that is disgusting – but really, that is actually what I want.  Give me the chemicals and fake meat products!

Chicken wings are the worst – they make no effort to hide the fact that I am eating a chicken’s wing.  It’s just, right there.  Hi, I’m a wing.  I have maintained my shape and there is no disguising the fact that I am the wing of a chicken.  At least with chicken fingers it’s all mashed up and made into a fake looking breaded shape.

Right now I’m eating Nutella with a spoon, so I am not feeling any Meat Guilt, just Fat Guilt, which is a completely different story.

Here is Hazel the Dog.  Ask the Darcy. 

Hazel