The Time Share Post.

In that last post I wrote, I referred to buying a time share.

Here is what happened.

I was driving to Detroit to see Joshua Bell, and I called the Hilton hotel to make sure it would be ok for me to check in around 10pm.  I did not want to be denied because of my late check in.  They said that was fine, and then they said “Hey, it is Hilton’s 99th birthday, I’m going to have you talk to this other guy!”

He sounded so excited, so I got excited, too, and said “ok!”  I mean, yay 99th birthday!  Of course I wanted to talk to this other guy!

The other guy was super happy, so that made me super happy and he said that TODAY ONLY I could get 3 nights and 4 days in Orlando PLUS a $100 certificate for park admission IF I BUY IT NOW for only $223.  At ANY of their hotels.  PLUS I could get a $200 voucher for a stay at any of their hotels anywhere.  Clearly, this man had my best interest at heart and wanted me to get the best things.

I told the guy that I went to Disney when I was 5 and I had the chicken pox, and that I really want to go.  He said “You should buy this now, then”.  I said “I literally have zero dollars” and he said “But it’s only today!”  Then he said “You know, I went to Ohio State” and I said “Yay Buckeyes” and he asked if I went there, too, and I said no, I went to NDC. He said he liked Columbus, and I said yes, it can be nice.  Then he said “So how would you like to pay for your Hilton vacation today?” and it caught me off guard so I said “My Visa card?”

And that was that.

Then I got an e-mail telling me I should schedule my vacation and not to forget that I have to attend a two hour meeting about buying a time share.

The Hilton Man tricked me.

Then yesterday I received a phone call, and I never answer my phone, so usually this is not an issue.  But the same phone number had been calling me three times a day, every day, and it was a Florida number.  I answered it.

It was a SUPER FRIENDLY lady!  We bonded and we were happy and excited together and she asked me when I wanted to schedule my Orlando vacation.  I said “Here is the thing, I have no intention of buying a time share.  There is no way that will happen, nothing will talk me into it.  I am not in a position to do it and I really do not like Florida that much, so I kind of feel like I am cheating because I am going there KNOWING I will not purchase a time share.  Ever.”  She said “Oh that’s ok, a lot of people do that. Maybe in ten years you’ll want one and you’ll remember us.”  I said “Oh ok, then, do you have any dates in November?”  I have heard Disney is least crowded the week of Thanksgiving.

Now I am going to Disneyworld November 21st – 24th, by myself.  No one will be there to unattach me from Dug when I meet him.  That means I can potentially be his best friend and live there.

I am NOT going to Harry Potter World because I need a full week and a shit ton of money to do that.  I am not doing that one half assed.

Here is a picture of Jessica, Josh, me and Roger from Lindsey’s wedding.  This picture has nothing to do with the rest of this post.




Kielbasa, Bologna, And Colonel.

I am so annoyed because before I fell asleep the other night, I had a great blog idea, and now I have ZERO idea what it was.  Like, beyond zero.  I know that it was for a link at the top, not a blog post, so I guess that is .001% of an idea.  OH MY GOSH I JUST REMEMBERED WHAT IT WAS.  I am not even kidding.  And IT IS a brilliant idea!  Ok, well thank you for that.  You have all helped tremendously. If you are standing next to someone right now, or sitting next to them, tell them to pat you on the back and tell you that you did a good job.

I Benedryl purchased a tee shirt that says “This Girl Loves Green Day.”  I could probably shoot heroin and it would not affect me like Benedryl does.  I have written blogs that I could not remember while on Benedryl, I bought my mom some books while on Benedryl.


Ok, I am back.  That part was just on the Harry Potter marathon that happens every other weekend on ABC Family, and I have to shout it every time, but there is no one here to shout with.

I have looked up the etymology of kielbasa, bologna and colonel and I realize why they are pronounced the way they are, but it still pisses me off.  Even knowing the history does not help me accept the pronunciation.  They all came from combinations of other words, basically, and so the spelling and pronunciation became different.  That is stupid, though, it is like saying “I know your name is spelled Darcy, but I am going to pronounce it Daniel because that is a word I know.”

I keep a list of things that I think of that I want to write a blog about, and I have this in the notes on my phone – “what my dad is thinking rapid succession blinking Indian noise thumping first can’t figure it out third can but don’t care.”  I do not know what any of that means.  I know I wrote it.  I know at one point it made sense to me.  My other notes make sense to me.

During the Harry Potter marathon, I have been subjected to people making me feel guilty about children with no food, elephants and ivory, and abused animals.  I feel bad enough about these things on a daily basis without having visual reminders while I am trying to enjoy my time at Hogwarts.  I mean, I guess I hope it makes other people feel guilty who do not normally feel guilty, and then they will give their money to these causes, but there should be some sort of censor that makes people who need to curl up in the fetal position and cry every time one of these commercials come on safe from viewing them.  Do you want to watch the version of Harry Potter for cold hearted jerks, or for sensitive, guilt ridden people?

Billie Joe Armstrong and Mike Dirnt opened a coffee place, and I saved this picture so that every time I turn my phone on, Billie is offering me coffee.  It makes me happy.


Also, I kicked my brother’s ass at Scrabble, and his dog was watching.  Here is Cindy throwing some shade at my brother because she is disappointed in him.



I Finally Like A James Bond Movie.

I have mentioned before that I have rage against James Bond movies because they take a really cool guy and make him naked a lot, and naked people make me angry.  Well, I saw Skyfall and I LOVED it.  It would have been better if I had some sedatives on me, because I ddid not breath normally through the whole thing, but it was a really, really good movie and Daniel Craig is really, really hot and also Voldemort was in it.

There was only one scene that made me angry.  When AJ tried to make me watch other James Bond movies, there were many scenes that made me angry.

I am rereading the Harry Potter series (I do that every once in awhile) and it always depresses me because I want to be a wizard really badly and I want to live in Harry Potter world and it is not fair that I do not live there.  This series messed me up because I get very involved in books when I read them, and this series, I was not able to ever come all the way out of.  I will never not want to be a wizard or not want to live in Harry Potter world ever again in my life and so that means I will always be pining for something I will never get.  I often have dreams that I am a wizard and when it comes time to do spells and things, in my dream, I can never remember any of them so I just start waving my wand around hoping magic will happen by itself and usually I end up not winning whatever battle I was in because of my inability to remember spells. I think I have this dream because Harry Potter uses two spells a LOT, and I always think that he should broaden his spell horizon and use more.  The stunning spell and the disarming spell are the ones he always uses.  Sometimes maybe you do not want to stun someone, maybe you want to encase them in a giant ice cube, where is the spell for that?  I think that would be incredibly useful.  Hedwig probably would not have died if Harry had cursed the Death Eaters that were following him by encasing them in ice cubes rather than stunning them.  They would have dropped out of the sky.  Then Hedwig would still be alive.  Stupid Harry Potter.

I have to take a Property and Casualty insurance class this week and I do not want to.  First, there are no dogs there.  Second, there is no Ken the Hamster there.  Third, it seems really boring.  Fourth, it is different and I am not a fan of different.

I fell asleep on the couch today and when I fell asleep it was light but when I woke up it was dark.  My mom woke me up by waving an entire loaf of bread in my face, just to see if the smell of baked bread would wake me up.  It did.  I opened my eyes and saw what I thought was an enormous yam in front of me, and since it was dark, I could not see who was holding it and it was a very strange way to wake up.

She also likes to wake me up in the middle of the night because I have sleep apnea and I currently am not on a CPAP machine for it, so that means when I am asleep (and actually, sometimes when I am awake), I snort and then stop breathing.  So I will often wake up to my mom saying “Stop it” or “Turn over” and no matter how many times it happens, I never just wake up and understand what she is saying, I always get confused.  And it never works, either.  It does not matter what position I am in, I still stop breathing in my sleep.  So really, she just wakes me up a lot at night.

I am in a blogging dry spell, so if there is anything you would like to comment on, state, ask, inform, declare or accuse, Ask the Darcy.

My dad is watching a cowboy movie and a cowboy just said “Heroes?  You don’t know beans about heroes”.


I Completely Forget What I Was Going To Write About.

I had a thought at work and followed that thought with another thought of “I should write a blog about that”, and I know for a fact I started thinking of titles that did not involve a curse word, but now I can not even think of what the curse word I was trying to avoid was, let alone what the subject was.

So there’s this, via Ask the Darcy:

This is Sandy, and though we never met we’ve “known” each other for years. How did you get into Rent?

What Sandy says is true.  We have know each for at least 10 years, probably more like 12 or 13.  And we have not met in real life.  Here is why.  We are both obsessed with the musical RENT.  We both sat in lines overnight in scary cities, we both obsessed over particular cast members, we both stalked the stage door to talk to cast members, we both traveled to various parts of the country to see our favorite cast members in different national tours of the show…it was a thing.

I got into RENT because I had a subscription to the Broadway Series at Playhouse Square.  I am not just obsessed with RENT, I am obsessed with quite a few shows.  RENT really put me over the edge of obsession, though.  So part of the Broadway Series was RENT.  It was 1998.  I had such bad seats that I thought Angel really was a woman for the entire first act, and I could not understand the biography for the actor who played him/her.  I finally figured it all out and decided I loved the show and immediately went online and found out there were cults of people who worshipped this show and followed it around and all this other stuff, and I became one of them.  I met my friend Mo on a message board and she said she was coming from Detroit to Cleveland and she would show me the ins and outs of  The Line.  That is the part where you stay over night on the street.  I was in college at the time, so I have no idea how I got the money or the time, but I saw every show in Cleveland, then traveled to Philadelphia, Baltimore, Columbus, NYC, Toledo and I swear there was one other city but I can not remember which one.  Oddly enough, 1998 is also the year I stopped getting a 4.0 GPA at Notre Dame.  And it was also the year I started working in theater myself.  Wait, no – that was 1997.  Whatever, it was close.

I met a LOT of people through RENT and most of them were nice.  Some of them were not.  I met DK1, Lizard, Mo, Chris, Christina, Melody (but not in person), Sandy (but not in person), Madonna (but not in person), Leanne (but not in person) and Renata (but not in person) and other people I am sure I am forgetting.  I also learned what a Line Queen is, though I did not have to deal with the original NYC Line Queens, thank goodness.  I saw it on Broadway while some of the original cast were still in it, and this is horrible, but I do not remember who I saw.  Anyway, my particular Line Queen story is as follows:  my BFF Catharine and I went to Philadelphia and camped ourselves out in front of the theater for tickets.  We were very close to the front of the line, so we were guaranteed rush seats – which are super cheap tickets in the first two rows, but they are first come first serve, which is why people were so crazed about getting in line and staying there.

Catharine just had a kidney transplant and because of her meds, was not supposed to sit in direct sunlight.  We told this to a few people, left our stuff in place in line, and followed the shade and sat wherever the sun was not.  Then it came time to purchase tickets, and the self proclaimed Line Queen declared that we did not sit in the right spot all day, so we were not allowed to have tickets.  All this despite the fact that she herself had just sauntered over from her hotel because she had someone holding her place in line.  We were at least physically THERE, if not in the right spot.  Our stuff was!  So she talked to the theater person and got us kicked out of line, despite our extremely legitimate reason for not staying in one place the entire day.  Oh, and it was not just the entire day.  We were there at 11pm the night before, and this all happened at about 5pm the next day.  We were angry.  We went to the Hard Rock Cafe, and since Catharine had just turned 21, we drank fruity adult beverages and talked about how angry we were.  Then after the show we stage door stalked anyway.

Here is 6 degrees of Darcy separation.  The person who got us kicked out of line is an insignificant nobody.  We had dealt with her before and she was never nice.  Through her, in a different city, I met a person who was not just obsessed with the show, but well informed, nice, articulate, intelligent and had internet abilities that were not common at the time.  Fast forward 10 years later (more like 12 or 13 probably), this person is now the maven of all things Harry Potter, which I am also obsessed with, and she has written a book and runs an extremely insanely popular HP website, and is basically BFFs with J.K. Rowling and a whole bunch of other super cool authors.  Where is the mean line lady?  NO ONE KNOWS.  So this just goes to show that if you are a nice line lady, you go places in life.  Remember that.  It is important worldly advice.  You will become BFFs with J.K. Rowling if you are not a jerk to people.  The only reason I am not mentioning her name is because I do not know how the nice successful person feels about her previous RENT days now that she is a Harry Potter Guru, but hey, if you are reading this and you happen to be her, give a comment because you are nice.

This is the second post in a row where I made a secret reference to someone.  I am like the Illuminati.

Oh and did I mention Ask the Darcy?   K, bye now.


Souls And Other Things In Your Body.

A very astute reader asked the following question via the Ask the Darcy button:


…have you ever read “The Host”? I think it has some redeeming qualities (besides being horrifically long) – and brings up a good point about souls and the nature of souls and their place in human society (or lack thereof). even if you haven’t read it: what is your take on the term “soul”?

I have not read The Host, and it is not because I am one of those people who thinks I am too good for Stephanie Meyer.  I read all the Twilight books, and I enjoyed them.  The story was good.  The writing could have used more inspiration, but the story was good.  The reason I have not read The Host is because we shelved it in Horror at Half Price Books, so I was scared of it.

On that note, what a good question you asked.  I love it.  And I had to think about it because it is not something I have actually thought about too much.

I think I sort of see the idea of a soul as the essence of a person – everything that makes up the person and their decisions and place in the world is dictated by what is imprinted on their soul.  I think some people are imprinted with really horrible things, but that doesn’t mean they do not have a soul, it just means they have a really bad one.  A person’s soul is what gives them the thoughts and the dreams that they have – but not necessarily the ones they accomplish.

I have mentioned before that I believe we all have wings, and that very few people are aware of them.  Now that I am thinking about the idea of a soul, I am thinking my idea of wings is the same thing.  What I can do with my wings in my mind and in my heart are not exactly what I can accomplish on the outside.  I use my wings to try to heal people and give them hope and safety, and in a way, I think that is me trying to project myself out into the world to make it better, because the physical me can actually do very little to fix things on the scale that I would like to.

Now I’ll reference Harry Potter – dementors suck the soul out of a person and leave them as a hollow body.  That sort of goes along with what I mean about a soul being the essence of a person.

And now I will reference a book called Heaven is For Real – the short story is that a 4 year old visits heaven during a life threatening surgery.  It is an entire book, so obviously this is one small part of it, but he meets his sister who was miscarried, who his parents never told him about.  She developed into something more than a miscarried baby and was able to communicate and exist in heaven.  Call me crazy, but I believe that.  The baby did not get a physical chance on earth, but the soul was there, and the soul was able to develop.

This is going to get really into details that will probably get me put on special medication or something, but I also believe Angels are souls, and that some humans have the beginnings of the souls of Angels in them.  I think while they are alive, these people are especially sensitive, intuitive, caring, honest, loving, and constantly tortured by the fact that they can not heal or save everyone.  It is not that these people are extra good or saint like, they just have an intense and almost indescribable mental experience that most people are not capable of.  I think a lot of these people also suffer from mental illnesses or are “on the spectrum”.  Oh geez, I think I also just described what the New Age people call Indigo Children.  That just occurred to me.  I am NOT a New Age person, not that there’s anything wrong with that.

At any rate, I think these people, who are rare but extremely easy to spot, are on the track to become Angels – their souls are already there, but their physical being can not live up to what they feel and what they know.

On the other side are the bad people.  They have souls, too, but not good souls.  I do not know what happens after we die, but I believe in Heaven, I believe in God and I believe that the good souls go to Heaven regardless of what various religions have dictated is “good”.  I know people who think gay people, no matter what, just are not going to go to Heaven.  The Bible says (allegedly) that gay people are bad, so no matter what they do, no Heaven for them. Mother Teresa, after all she did, could say “Hey, I might be a little gay” and according to some people, that automatically excludes her from Heaven.  My dad, a Jewish guy, has never done anything wrong or mean in his life and has gone above and beyond in terms of helping others and taking care of others, particularly animals.  He has not accepted Jesus as his savior, so BOOM.  Some people say there is no way he will be in Heaven.  I disagree with that entirely.  Souls go to Heaven.  Everyone has a soul.  There are not limits placed on the soul.  If it is a good soul, it goes to Heaven.  If it is not, I do not know what happens to it.  But I can guarantee if my dad is not in Heaven when I get there, I will absolutely turn around and leave, because that is not the place I want to be.

I mix religions.  I have a little bit of everything going on, including Catholicism, Buddhism, Paganism and yeah, I suppose some New Age, but just a little.  My mom, a former nun and devout Catholic, has worried for years that about that technicality about my dad being Jewish and therefore having the pearly gates closed to him.  She asked her priest, who I have to say is a really smart and cool guy, and he said “If he’s living a Christ like life, I personally believe Christ himself will welcome him into Heaven regardless of the fact that he is Jewish”.  I think that says it all.  I find it much more logical that would happen than the fact that you can live a life of evil and debauchery and in the last year of your life decide Christ is your savior and you are going to be sitting in Heaven while my dad, who lived his entire life in a Christ-like manner while never actually acknowledging Christ, is going to be locked out.

What was I talking about?  Souls.  Souls are big enormous places inside your head and a lot of people have no access to it at all.  But those who do are able to do things, but they never know what or how much.

Oh and it is worth mentioning that there are middle souls – not bad, not “nearly angels”, but just regular.  That is fine, too.  And a lot of regular souls probably accomplish more generosity, compassion and charity on earth than the “nearly angels”, because the “nearly angels” are seeing a much bigger thing that they can not figure out how to work.

Oh, and to fit with the title of “Souls And Other Things In Your Body”, I will now list Other Things In Your Body:  spleen, kidneys, veins, cells, blood, food being digested, mucus, esophagus, liver, pee, teeth, and in some people, shrapnel and metal plates and screws.