Emails From My Dad.

My dad likes to email me at work with information. It could be that he opened my mail at home and feels I need to know something immediately, or that my cat has 7 cans of food left.

Here are some of our email exchanges.

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Thursday, October 13, 2016 11:41 AM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Cat food

HI!!

Your cat food inventory consists of nine cans.

Dad

On Thu, Oct 13, 2016 at 11:41 AM, Darcy Lindner wrote:

Thank you.  What does your Pop Tart inventory consist of?

Darcy

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Thursday, October 13, 2016 11:49 AM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Re: Cat food

16 peanut butter(not chocolate covered)
8 blueberry
8 cinnamon
8 cherry
3 chocolate chip
3 orange
6 cinnamon stripe

Dad

On Thu, Oct 13, 2016 at 11:50 AM, Darcy Lindner wrote:

I forwarded your email on to several people, and they have this question:  What is cinnamon stripe?

Darcy

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Thursday, October 13, 2016 12:04 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Re: Cat food

HI!!

It is actually ” cinnamon roll”. It  has icing stripes on the tart.

Dad

_______________________________________________________________________

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Monday, October 03, 2016 1:31 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Reminders

Hi Darcy!!

Did you remember to pay the $40 something bill that is sent to collections?
Did you remember to pay me the two house cleaning bills and the $250 rent??

Dad

On Mon, Oct 3, 2016 at 1:40 PM, Darcy Lindner <djl@embracepetinsurance.com> wrote:

You should see a transfer of $610 from your pay pal account to your bank account.  That’s three 130’s (one was still in there from the last time) plus a 250.

Darcy

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Monday, October 03, 2016 1:45 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Re: Reminders

Hi!!

Thanx for the quick response. You failed to wish me a “Happy New Year” this morning. (This was on Rosh Hashanah)

Dad

_______________________________________________________________________

On Tue, Sep 27, 2016 at 5:06 PM, Darcy Lindner wrote:

If mom plans to go to a store tonight, could you ask her to buy Sun Chips – Harvest Cheddar?  I need these desperately.

Darcy

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Tuesday, September 27, 2016 5:35 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Re:

She is out casinoing. She will not be out shopping.

Dad

On Tue, Sep 27, 2016 at 5:35 PM, Darcy Lindner wrote:

Ok, I am going to stop at the store on the way home, need anything?

Darcy

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Tuesday, September 27, 2016 5:50 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Re: Re:

Your mother will be doing shopping in the near future.
Speaking of the weather; if it rains does the race car still go?
(this is in reference to a birthday gift we got for my mom – a ride in a race car)

Dad

________________________________________________________________________

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Tuesday, August 30, 2016 4:13 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Your new account debit balance

Hi Darcy!!

With the future $900 pay pal is crediting my account;Minus $592 taxes;
$250 rent leaves $58 credited against your $724 debit leaving your account at debit balance of $666.

Dad

On Tue, Aug 30, 2016 at 4:13 PM, Darcy Lindner wrote:

THAT IS THE NUMBER OF SATAN.

Darcy

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Tuesday, August 30, 2016 4:20 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Re: Your new account debit balance

Hi!!

Then pay more on your account to change the $666.

Dad

_______________________________________________________________________

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Thursday, June 23, 2016 5:00 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Peanut Butter Pop Tarts

Hi Darcy!!

I just made a super purchase!!
Amazon had six count subject pop tarts for $3.99 to $5.99 each plus delivery charge.
I purchased eight count packages from “Target’ for $1.97 each. For free delivery I had to purchase 13 boxes for a total of $25 delivered to our house..
Am I nutty as the peanut butter pop tarts??
Ps Neither “Heinens” or “Walmart” stock them.

Dad

________________________________________________________________

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Friday, August 26, 2016 5:28 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Dogs

Hi!!

The lady on my television set says today is “National Dog Day”.

Dad

On Fri, Aug 26, 2016 at 5:28 PM, Darcy Lindner wrote:

Does that mean I can bring one home?  How about a kitten?? OMG CAN I BRING A KITTEN HOME FOR THE weekend?

Darcy

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Friday, August 26, 2016 5:30 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Re: Dogs

NO!!
I definitely think part of my  coughing is due to allergy to cats.

Dad

From: Darcy Lindner
Sent: Friday, August 26, 2016 5:31 PM
To: ‘Ken Lindner’
Subject: RE: Dogs

But the kitten is tiny.

Darcy

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Friday, August 26, 2016 5:32 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Re: Dogs

NO!!!!!!!!

_______________________________________________________________________

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Monday, August 22, 2016 4:23 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: vol/mouse in wall

Hi Darcy!!

I have purchased two cans of “Rodent Sheriff” today. It will be here in about one week. I hope it keeps the rodent in the wall from wanting to live here.

Dad

 

_______________________________________________________________________

On Tue, Aug 23, 2016 at 12:20 PM, Darcy Lindner wrote:

Lindsey wants to know if you know this guy:  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeff_Chandler
Her grandma loved him.  I said his original name is “Ira Grossel”, so you must know him, because you keep track of all the Jewish people.

Darcy

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Tuesday, August 23, 2016 12:27 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Re:

Sure!!
Jeff Chandler was in westerns and other films.
The “Rodent Sheriff” has shipped.

Dad

________________________________________________________________________

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Wednesday, August 03, 2016 5:36 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Ms. Lucky

Hi Darcy!!

At what time does subject dog eat??
(this is about a dog we were dog sitting)

Dad

________________________________________________________________________

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Wednesday, August 03, 2016 11:30 AM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Income Tax

Hi Darcy!!

Stop spending money on things that are not important to you health!!
IRS sent you a notice that you owe $592 in back taxes from year 2014(not last year)
The reason seems to be the $10833 you took out of “UBS” retirement account.
Money due 8/31/16. Evidently not enough was withheld by “UBS”.

Dad

From: Darcy Lindner
Sent: Wednesday, August 03, 2016 11:51 AM
To: ‘Ken Lindner’
Subject: RE: Income Tax

Damn it, UBS.
I can pay that, don’t worry.

Darcy

_________________________________________________________________________

On Mon, Jun 13, 2016 at 5:05 PM, Darcy Lindner

Did mom find any spiders in my bed?
(This is when I thought there were spiders in my bed.  There weren’t.)

Darcy

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Monday, June 13, 2016 5:10 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Re:

No!!

Your bedding is now completely washed  and dried. Your mother is going out shortly to buy a new mattress cover and then put your bed in sleeping condition.

Dad

_________________________________________________________________________

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Friday, June 03, 2016 3:23 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Car Insurance

Hi Darcy!!

You received a car insurance bill for $143.69 due June 15. It does not state the time period it covers. It could not be for one month or six months.

Dad

_________________________________________________________________________

On Wed, May 18, 2016 at 3:59 PM, Darcy Lindner wrote:

Dear Dad,

May I please have this kitten?
kitten

Love, Darcy

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Wednesday, May 18, 2016 4:03 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Re:

Sorry!!

You know the answer. Between me being allergic and being driven nuts by Mr. Meow, the answer is obvious.

Dad

From: Darcy Lindner
Sent: Wednesday, May 18, 2016 4:17 PM
To: ‘Ken Lindner’
Subject: RE: Re:

But….she’s smiling.
kitten-2

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Wednesday, May 18, 2016 4:18 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Re:

NO!!!!!!

_________________________________________________________________________

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Monday, April 11, 2016 5:17 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: 9″X13″ glass pans(2)one brown glass and one clear glass

Hi Darcy!!

We are missing the above. I know you took food to work in at least one of them and never brought it or them back home.
Please round them up and remember to return them to their rightful location.
Please confirm!!!

Dad

From: Darcy Lindner
Sent: Monday, April 11, 2016 5:44 PM
To: ‘Ken Lindner’
Subject: RE: 9″X13″ glass pans(2)one brown glass and one clear glass

I have one of them at work, I’m not sure which one.  But only one, not two!

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Friday, April 15, 2016 12:07 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: third reminder

Hi Darcy!!

Remember your mothers’ glass dish. Even though you are going to a wedding practice;you can still put it in your car.We are now down to three cans of cat food.

Dad

On Mon, Apr 18, 2016 at 1:40 PM, Darcy Lindner wrote:

I downloaded the ancestry.com app, and I started looking at it last night.  Be prepared for many questions about your great grandparents and stuff when I get home tonight.

Darcy

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Monday, April 18, 2016 2:27 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Re:

Hi!!

Before you ask questions I probably can’t answer , please bring the glass pan home!!

Dad

From: Ken Lindner

Sent: Tuesday, April 19, 2016 6:59 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Reminder

Hi!

They say nine times is a charm.
Please bring home the glass dish!!

Dad

_________________________________________________________________________

On Fri, Apr 1, 2016 at 1:51 PM, Darcy Lindner  wrote:

Can I have a dog?  PLEASE CAN I?  I’ll walk him and take him to work with me and his name is Hamilton and I love him.  PLEASE CAN I HAVE THE DOG????
hamilton

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Friday, April 01, 2016 1:56 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Re: Car insurance

I know. April fools day!!
Ha.Ha

Dad

On Fri, Apr 1, 2016 at 1:56 PM, Darcy Lindner  wrote:

You wish!  I’m totally serious!  He’s going to be about 90 pounds.  I love him.  I can’t even stand it I love him so much.

Darcy

From: Ken Lindner
Sent: Friday, April 01, 2016 2:04 PM
To: Darcy Lindner
Subject: Re: Car insurance

Sorry!!  If I wanted a dog we would have had one a while back. Enjoy Mr. Meower. He is great!!

Dad

The Much Anticipated Dad Stories Post.

My dad is responsible for 90% of the quotes on the quote section of this page.  This did not come from an Ask the Darcy question, it came from my very own brain.

My dad was born at a young age and he already had an older brother.  He started out by getting his tonsils removed immediately after he was born, because I guess that’s what they did back then, and he cried so hard he had a hernia, so then they had to fix that.

After that, my dad was never sick a day in his life unless you count things like cancer, which he got over, or lymphoma, which is looming in the distance but so far has kept away.  Oh, and there was this weird thing with his throat where he had to have throat surgery and then do throat exercises, but he got over that, too.

Every day of his adult working life my dad ate the following for lunch:  a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, Dannon yogurt, and a piece of fruit.

When he was 6 or 7, there was a vegetable man who would drive in a truck and sell vegetables.  In the spirit  of the Lone Ranger, my dad yelled “Hi Ho Succatash, Away!” and the vegetable man chased him down!

He was the proud holder of the 32nd chair out of 33 clarinets in high school.  In college at Case Western Reserve, his brother was sought out for fraternities and partied and made friends, and my dad hid from everyone, but it was discovered that he is Jewish, so one fraternity sought him out.  He joined, they realized he wasn’t the kind of Jew they were expecting, and some sort of awkward “don’t call us, we’ll call you” thing happened.  Then, as he puts it, he failed out of college, which I think isn’t actually true.  I think he dropped out.

When he was really little up to high school age, he and his brother worked in their dad’s pharmacy.  They didn’t have registers that told them how much change to give, etc, so the two of them (ages 7 and 10 at the starting point) would add everything in their heads, calculate tax and come up with the total.  To this day my dad can go grocery shopping and come within a few cents of the total.

The only pet my dad had as a child was Alexander Graham Bird.  When I was about 10, my mom randomly rescued a dog from a shelter and brought her home.  We all sat on the couch when my dad came home from work and let the dog greet him.  He said “Whose dog is this?” and my mom said “Yours”.  He said “Seriously, whose dog?  I don’t want a dog” and my mom said “Yours” and then my mom, brother and I went into the kitchen while my dad sat on the couch and the dog jumped and sat next to him.  My mom called “So what’s her name?” and he said “Copper” and that was the beginning of a beautiful and abusive relationship.  And by that I mean Copper abused my dad.  But we LOVED her!  After Copper died at age 17, my dad swore, no more dogs.  Then he started volunteering at Rescue Village.  He quickly shot up to being the best volunteer.  He not only walked the dogs, he took extra time and sat in their cages with them, talked to them, and pet them.  At Christmas, he wrote a card FROM every dog with a check to Rescue Village in it.  He became obsessed with having his name on things, so he started donating more money so his name would be on things.  He has 3 (possible 4) benches in one area with his name.  And I think possibly a tree.  He had an amazing talent to bond with every dog and not take a single one home.  Until Brady came in.  Brady looked like Copper, and was sad and depressed.  They were starting to think he was unadoptable, so my dad took him home.  Brady was an awesome dog.  After Brady, it was declared – NO MORE DOGS.  It didn’t help that I had moved back home with my cat, who instantly found the weak point in the family (my dad) and targeted him for daily torture.  She slept on his head, so he’d close his door.  She’d knock on his door all night until he let her in.  He woke up at 6am, she started slapping him around at 5:50am for her breakfast.  My dad now sets up a barricade with a giant purple ape so my cat can’t get to his door – instead, she gets behind the ape and gets stuck between the ape and the door, so my dad has to wake up and tend to her anyway.  During the day, she sits next to him on his giant Shaq sized recliner chair, and when it’s time to eat, she slaps him until he obeys.  As you can see from the pictures, he’s very broken up about it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My dad has always had a thing for cowboys.  His favorite memories from his youth are going to the movies and listening to the radio, and it was ALWAYS cowboys.  He currently owns over 1,000 cowboy movies and serials (like, the old ones, not current ones) on DVD and spend pretty much the whole day watching cowboy movies and serials, and Court TV shows.

If you ask my dad if he’s hungry, he looks at his watch and answers according to the time.

One time when my dad was working, he arrived in the parking lot and saw a semi truck rolling backwards towards a guy in a parked car.  My dad jumped out of his car, climbed into the semi and stopped it before it hit the guy.  My dad has never been in a semi in his life, he just jumped up there and did it.

To make people forget about this incredible act of bravery, one day his trash can caught on fire at work.  He panicked, jumped on his desk and yelled “fire” until someone threw some water on it and put it out.  In a similar incident, we had a mini earthquake once, and everyone in my dad’s office didn’t even notice.  My dad got up from his desk, ran to the door, saw that no one else was moving, ran back to his desk, decided that was not the place to be, and ran back to the door.

My mom has a history of leaving the house, and two minutes later coming back because she forgot something.  One time my dad was standing in the kitchen watching her, and when she came in for the fourth time, he said “When you get Alzheimer’s, it will be an improvement”.

The only time my dad got drunk was when he was very young and working with a new company.  He had a few beers, came out of the bar and couldn’t find his car.  When he finally did, he drove a few feet and was pulled over for drunk driving.  My dad spent the night in jail!

My dad was in the Army and his job was to write messages to people on the other side of a glass wall, which meant in order for the people to read it, my dad had to write backwards.  He can fluently write in complete mirror writing, and he writes every birthday card in this manner.

As classy and astute as my dad likes to think he is, nothing will make him laugh harder than fart jokes/incidents.  He will kill me for putting this in here, but if you end anything with “and then he farted”, my dad will laugh uncontrollably.  In their early days of marriage, my parents went on vacation and they were looking at some kind of horse exhibit, but there weren’t real horses.  My mom had some intestinal distress, and immediately vacated the area.  My dad came over to her and said “Wow, they make these displays so real, it actually smells like horse poop in here!”  When my mom told him what had actually happened, he laughed from Michigan to Ohio on the drive home.

Rescue Village had a volunteer appreciation dinner, which my dad appreciated.  But it wasn’t quite right, so he wrote a letter.  He said that if they really wanted to appreciate the volunteers, instead of spending money that could go to the animals on a big dinner for them, he’d rather the employees say hi to him once in awhile, or learn his name, or smile.  They have a tough job, and he knows that, but my dad would appreciate a smile and a “hello” more than he would a dinner.

My dad is very similar to me (I guess I’m actually similar to him) and we started seeking out places to pet animals a long time ago.  Before we were familiar with horses or the way they worked, we were at a barn and there was a horse behind a fence.  We wandered away from the group we were with, and we were petting the horse.  I got too close, and the giant horse wrapped his neck around me, sort of like a very scary hug that might have killed me.  My dad, instead of coming to the rescue, turned around and ran, yelling “Run Darcy!  Run!!!!”

There are a million other stories, but I will end Part I with this – more animals and people have been helped and even saved by my dad than he would ever let anyone know.  He is the epitome of giving, even if he does yell at me when I give away too much money and have none left.  All he ever wants in return is to be able to visit and pet animals.  Oh, and he donates money to Rescue Village in honor of people (or pets) who have died, and he made a donation in honor of Barry Gibb.  Yes, THAT Barry Gibb.  Of the Bee Gees.

I think I’m going to make a video section just for my dad’s videos – I have a ton of recordings where I got him on a rant on video and he didn’t know it.  I just have to sort through and find the good ones!