Satan And Other Christmas Things.

One of my biggest fears is Satan, I am pretty sure I have written about that before.  The movie This is the End terrified me when Jonah Hill turned into Satan…or maybe he was raped by Satan, I do not remember exactly.  Either way, Satan appeared and I spazzed so badly I knocked my beverage on to the person next to me.  The person next to me was AJ but I was trying to avoid mentioning him in this, but it is important that you know it is AJ because my fear of Satan caused me to knock a beverage on him and that is kind of funny.  He got really mad at me.  So like, you know, that is kind of retribution – he scarred me for life, and I dumped a beverage on him.  Ha-ha!

Anyway – Satan is scary, this is a fact.  But SOME PEOPLE really, really have a thing about Satan.  Names and dates have been changed to protect the innocent, but everything I am about to type is true.

There is a person who says, before every phone call, “I just want to say that I don’t appreciate Satan but I recognize that others do and I don’t want Satan involved in this phone call.”  The response is usually “I’m sorry, what?” to which this person replies “Sorry, that’s just something I say.”  Can you imagine being so sincerely scared of Satan that you think he is going to possess you through a phone call with your pet insurance company?  She also includes it as the first sentence in her emails.

But she might have a point because there is another person who is positive the reason her claims were not covered is because we worship Satan and do not pray enough.  She is a minister and there is no way God would allow her claims to not be covered.  So there’s that.

I am watching What Would You Do – I love this show.  This episode has a girl, about 12 years old, going to a salon to get her hair cut and she tells her mom she wants cut short like a boy because she doesn’t feel like a girl, she feels like a boy inside.  The three people who “reacted” were all older, over 60, and they told the mom that she has to support her daughter and how she feels, and not judge, etc.  I was very impressed with that.  The more impressive thing, though, is these freaking kids.  How can they act like that?  I mean, literally ACT.  Acting.  They can pretend, completely believably, that they are in this situation.  They react to the people around them without a script, and they stay “in character”.  Anything can happen – the people being “tested” for their reaction could say anything, and these kids have to react to it appropriately.  The adult actors do it, too, but they are adults so I am not as impressed.  And then John Quinones comes out and everyone is happy and the actors thank the people for intervening and it is a lovely moment.

How cute are Mr. Meow Meow’s paws??

For my niece’s 10th birthday my mom had a cute idea – we all wrote a poem about her (my niece, not my mom) and then she (my niece, not my mom) had to guess who wrote which poem.  This resulted in the Dad Quote of the Week:  When you read mine, if there’s anything insulting, I don’t mean it to be.  I used a word and I don’t know what it means.”


If You Are My Facebook Friend You Must Read This.

I have a new idea.  I always have ideas and then they kind of fizzle out.  Like that time I wanted to send letters to everyone and I only sent a few letters to a few people.

This time I have decided that throughout the next five years I am going to meet each of my FB friends at a Starbucks and have coffee.  I do not care how much we do not know each other, or do not remember each other, we are sitting down for at least 15 minutes and enjoying a beverage.  I will meet you where you live, except for you, Mo, because I will not go to Israel.  We can meet somewhere neutral like Switzerland.  Everyone else, I will come to you.  My only requirement is that you write a brief description of how we meet/how you know me.  And that you take a selfie with me.  Maybe I will write a book.  I might make you sign a release form.  Probably not, though.  I will probably just start a new section on my blog called Starbucks Selfies.  EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU WILL BE SUBJECT TO THIS.  We can meet and stare at each other if we actually do not know each other well enough to have anything to talk about, we can play a game of Scrabble, we can chat, we can color pictures for each other.  I am open to anything.

This also applies to people I see everyday and know well.  Oh, and if you do not remember how we met, either make something up or just say you do not remember, because I cannot remember how I met some of you.

So there is my project.  Sometime within the next five years, expect a message from me with a link to this blog and an invitation.

Also, tonight my mom suddenly appeared and said we had to go to Malley’s to get chocolate so I put my shoes on and got in the car and sat there for a good four minutes.  I honked my horn which I never do because I was getting very anxious waiting and kind of spazzing out and it turns out she was making coffee.  In an actual mug, not a travel mug.  For our 5 minute trip to Malley’s.  It was funny.

Prepare for coffee.