Fun Home.

So much for writing blogs the day they happen….

After I left my hotel room, I Ubered to the Fun Home theater.  I had 30 minutes.  I am very diligent about getting to theaters the minute the house opens, I do not like to leave room for being late.  So I had a big decision – walk to the Starbucks for my third trip of the day, or not?  I walked.  Ahhh, Starbucks.

I was in the first row at Fun Home, which is in a round theater.  This means my feet were on the set (well, they COULD have been, but I am polite and did not do that).

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And guess what – remember Producer Guy from Disaster?  HE SAT NEXT TO ME AGAIN!  Him and his two lady friends.  We chatted (he ate peanuts) and I asked “So what are we seeing tomorrow?” which I thought was very funny of me.  They were very nice again, and we chatted and it was fun.

Fun Home was fantastic.  It was funny, emotional, and pretty.  The set was fantastic.  Entire rooms would drop into the floor, and other spots on the floor would open and up would come an entire new room.  I feel bad for “Middle Alison” who had to sing an entire song in tighty whitey 70’s ill fitting underwear.  THAT is what makes an actress good – if she has the guts to do that, she is good in my book.

It is very surreal seeing people you have seen on tv right in front of you.  The girl who played Little Alison was recently on a “Broadway at the White House” thing;  Big Alison (or is it Old Alison?  Or Adult Alison?  I don’t know) was on the Tony’s.  And, of course, Michael Cerveris, who I saw in Sweeney Todd a million years ago.  He wore a toupee in this show and it was weird.

Here are my stalking pictures.  Some highlights of my comments to the actors:

“You have silver in your hair and it is on purpose.  Mine is not on purpose.  Yours is cooler”

“You are SO TINY!  Do you even have any idea how TINY you are??  You are just SO CUTE!  AND SO LITTLE!”

“How old are you?” “12” “My niece is 12 and you look nothing like her”

“I saw you on the White House thing and now you are right here in person, that is just weird, isn’t it?” (to a freaking 12 year old child)

All three kids told me they thought my hair is really cool, and I said “Thank you, I like all of your hairs, too.  You guys are rocking the 70’s look.”

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I Had To Google Sierra Leone To Make Sure It Is In Africa.

I am not proud, but I did have to Google that.

So anyway,this is today up until now.  I am currently in my hotel being warm and sitting down.  Thanks to my coworker Sammi, my back is not killing me – but standing still for 3 hours while waiting in the TKTS line did some damage.  I WAS going to eat before I go see Fun Home, but…I am too comfortable.  I will eat after.

Here is a secret – I come here quite often, and I do it on my own, but I am actually REALLY bad at New Yorking.  I get all the tickets I want, I get good seats, and that is the most important part – but actually figuring out what to do or where to go between shows is lost on me.  This means I do not actually eat a lot while I am here because I do not know where to go to eat;  I take cabs and Uber a lot;  and I drink a shit ton of Starbucks because it is all I know how to do.

Today I left and walked halfway to Times Square (it is about 30 blocks from my hotel).  I stopped at North Face and got a scarf because I forgot mine at home and I do not have a real winter coat and I was cold.  While at North Face an Asian  man was WIGGING OUT on the employees about the price of something.  My Customer Service Heart went out to the employees who had to deal with him.  He was gesturing emphatically.

Then I also got tired, so I Ubered the rest of the way.  I went to Starbucks, because that is what I know.  Then I stood in line at the TKTS booth and convinced a lady to see Disaster, and another to see Something Rotten and I talked a couple OUT of seeing An American in Paris.  ThenI talked with people from California who have a dog in the Westminster dog show.  I told them to find my people at the show, since we have a booth there.  The lady next to me was wearing business shoes.  Like, flats?  I guess that is what they are called?  And her feet were freezing so she put her gloves on her feet and started dancing and it was funny.

After three hours, I got my ticket and then did not know what to do.  So I went to Starbucks again.  Then I decided I was so cold, I just wanted to go back to my hotel, and I tried to get an Uber but they could not find me and I did not know where I was, and then I tried to get a cab but I fail at getting cabs.  It was so cold at this point that my glucometer would not work because it was too cold to function.

After 45 minutes, a cab guy stopped and said he is only supposed to pick up people from the hotel that was behind me, but I looked pathetic and I should get in.  I did, and he said I was pretty and he did not like to see a pretty lady looking pathetic.  He also said he was looking for a wife.  So we’re married now, and I live with him.  HA.  Not really.  I told him where I wanted to go and asked where he was from because he was listening to French people talking on the radio.  He said Sierra Leone.  I said I took French in high school and do not remember any of it.  He said if I marry him, he could teach me.

There was a bag blowing around in the street but it looked like a pigeon flopping around and I yelled “That pigeon needs help!” and then I said “Oh wait, that is a bag” and he did not say anything.

Then he dropped me off where he said I was right near my hotel, but I knew I was not, but I got out anyway and walked the remaining three blocks because I am not outspoken enough to tell a cab driver “This is not actually the place I wanted to go to.”  I did not want to offend my husband.

Let us take a moment to consider that I AM outspoken enough to tell everyone in the TKTS line exactly what they should see based on my assessment of their personality and my ability to match a show to their exact personality type, but I am NOT outspoken enough to tell a cab driver, whose job it is to take me to the right place, that he has taken me to the wrong place.

While walking I saw many dogs, which made me happy.  I considered peeing on myself just to make my legs warm and less numb.  I started making plans for what would happen if I just stopped and laid down on the ground and cried for a little bit.  Then I got to my hotel.

I am currently stuck in my hotel because I cannot face the weather.  And I also cannot face attempting to get another cab to take me to the Fun Home theater.  I will leave at some point, but my lack of getting up has forced me to have dinner after the show instead of before the show.  You know what this means?  I will be having Starbucks for the third time today before the show, just so my stomach does not growl and interfere with others’ enjoyment of Fun Home.

I will also tell you a little bit about what it is like to be in NYC with a Type 1 Diabetic who does not live here.  The blood sugar goes down, the Pepsi and cookies are consumed, the blood sugar goes up, the insulin is taken, the blood sugar goes down, the Pepsi and cookies are consumed, the blood sugar goes up, the insulin is taken….it is a never ending cycle, and because I am REALLY bad at predicting what exercise will do to my blood sugar level (it lowers it, but I always underestimate how much it lowers it), I end up with low blood sugar a lot.  But then I get really paranoid because if my blood sugar is high, sure, I will not die as easily, but then my eyes get blurry and I do not want to have blurry eyes while watching theater.  So I take insulin to make sure my eyes are not blurry, and then my blood sugar goes low again.  If I lived here, I assume I would have figured all this out by  now.

This is the dramatic interlude between more posts with lots of pictures.

My Adventures In New York.

*****I am editing this after the fact because I did not realize what I wrote about cabs versus walking made Jane sound like an awful person!!  I tend to have this issue where I think I am being funny or clear about something, and it turns out, I am being a jerk!  Jane was NOT mean about the walking/blood sugar thing!  I meant to emphasize that we walked because she does not like cabs, and with all of my fears, I would never judge someone based on theirs, so we walked.  Jane is NOT out to kill me!  I feel terrible so I want it known publicly that Jane is a wonderful friend, hostess and attender to my fears/phobias – she would never try to kill me or intentionally make me do something bad.

Here we go!

My adventure started by driving to the Kia dealership to get my oil changed and my tires rotated and all that.  About two weeks prior to leaving on my trip, I estimated I had a certain amount of money, and I was completely fine with that.  When it came time to leave, I had about half of what I expected.  No, I did not spend it on soft things or candy, I actually paid bills.  So anyway, my mom went with me so she could use her credit card to pay for my car stuff (and add it to my never ending tally that my dad keeps of money I owe him).  While at the Kia dealership, we got into an argument about that commercial where little girls use the F-Bomb to show that it is shocking to hear kids saying that, but it is more shocking that women are so unequal to men.  Here, you can watch it, too.  Our argument had nothing to do with what was said in the video, it was because my mom said that all little girls think they have to be sassy and have an attitude and she hates that.  I told her that was completely not the point.  She said she didn’t care, the girls in that video are acting like jerks.  I said they were acting.

Anyway, I started on my drive to Pennsylvania because I was staying with my friends Steve and Jane.  I got there after getting lost and adding about 40 minutes to my drive.  I was promised ice cream upon arrival, so Steve and I went and got ice cream.

We woke up at an ungodly hour the next morning so that Jane and I could get on a bus and go to NYC.  Bus rides are boring.  They are also scary.  It was 2 hours or something.  We were deposited at Port Authority where we searched out the nearest Starbucks and (for Jane) the bathroom.  I had a glorious venti iced peppermint mocha.  We got into a cab and went to our hotel, where I got out of the cab and proceeded to drop my glorious beverage on the ground.  It was horrible.

We dropped off our stuff and went to see If/Then.  I wanted to take a cab because I am really bad at factoring in exercise and insulin, and my blood sugar would undoubtedly go low in the middle of the show.  Jane did not want to take a cab because as much as my fear of flying or buses is, that is her fear/dislike of cabs.  I can’t argue with that!  So we walked and we got to the theater and stood by the stage door because we were early enough to catch the actors coming into the theater.  We didn’t know it at the time, but we basically saw the entire cast come in – the only people I knew were Anthony Rapp and Idina Menzel, though, so we pretty much ignored the others.  Anthony came and was adorable and I didn’t say anything because I knew he was in a hurry, so I just stared at him.  Then it got later and later, and no Idina.  The show was at 2, and it was 1:45.  Everyone else (in terms of patrons) had gone into the theater, but Jane and I were resilient and we stayed by the door.  I knew not to say a single thing when Idina came, because she was obviously late and would be in a big hurry, so I basically flattened myself against the wall by the door, and then, like the goddess she is, she came.  She was carrying her sick kid, which just proves she is beyond normal humanity, because the kid was pretty big, and she is pretty small, and she was carrying him for a long time.  She went into the stage door and I, flattened against the wall, stared.  I was within her breathing space.  I might have inhaled her kids germs, which could have made me sick, which basically means Idina Menzel is my BFF.

We went into the theater, the show was amazing, and my blood sugar DID go low at intermission, and I had nothing to treat it with, so I just unplugged my insulin pump.  It still went lower anyway, so I figured I’d buy a coke after the show, but after the show, all the Coke people were closed.  There was still Stage Door Stalking to do, so I ignored my low blood sugar and stalked Anthony Rapp.  He remembered me!   I have told this story before, but long story short, many years ago in the pre-Broadway tour of You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown, my friends Catharine and Mo and I went to see it in Detroit.  We Stage Door Stalked after the show, and were some of the last people to meet Anthony.  He said “Do you guys know where I can buy contact lens solution?” and Mo, being the native Detroit person, said yes, but that it was not within walking distance.  Then she said “Do you want a ride there?” and he said “yes” and we all nearly died as Anthony Rapp got into Catharine’s car and we drove him to Rite Aid.  He helped me pick out a birthday card for my friend, and we talked about Grapes of Wrath and Of Mice and Men.  So there was that.  And then when he and Adam Pascal were back in the tour of RENT in Cleveland more recently, he asked about vegan food in Cleveland (not directly to me, it was via Twitter or something), and I brought him vegan stuff.  That was a very quick interaction, though.  So anyway – he remembered me!  This is sort of strange, but because Catharine (who is now dead) was with us, and because RENT was a big thing for me and Catharine (who is now dead), Anthony Rapp has a meaning for me beyond just fan girl appreciation.  I have been watching him for nearly 20 years (not quite, but nearly) and it was all with Catharine and so to me, seeing Anthony Rapp is very familiar and for me, it is like seeing a Comfort Person.  I do not have many Comfort People, so this is a big thing.  Idina is not a comfort person, that is totally a fan girl thing.  Part of the reason Anthony is a Comfort Person is also because his voice is the only one I can sing with in the car.  So Catharine and I would sing RENT and You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown and I would sing all his parts and she’d sing everyone else.  So anyway, even though he does not have any idea, the man means a lot to me.

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I basically died – not just because I love him, but because my blood sugar was still super low.  Jane and I crashed into the only restaurant we could find that didn’t have a line out the door and I drank Pepsi.  Mmmmm, real Pepsi.  Not diet.  So good.

Then I said we should take a cab to see Cabaret, because I didn’t want my blood sugar to go low again, and Jane said no.  But she said she’d buy me a preemptive Coke/Pepsi just in case.  We got to the theater, and I finally had to pee (more on peeing in future posts, but as most of you know because I talk about it so much, I rarely pee).  Jane said the bathrooms were normal, but maybe I am just used to luxurious midwestern bathroom stalls, I thought it was the smallest stall I had ever seen.  I had to lean back over the toilet to close the door!  And then….well….and then my bra popped off.  Only my friend Mary knows the second part of this story, but the part I will share is that my bra popped off.  It just unhooked, all by itself.  So I am in this microstall without a bra.  Because of my wrist issues, I cannot reach back and just rehook it, I have to take everything off, hook it while it is off of me, and put it on like a shirt (TMI, sorry).  So I did that in the microstall.  It was difficult.

Cabaret was *amazing*.  I hate the show because, you know, naked.  Lots and lots of naked.  I’ve seen it before in NYC, but not with Alan Cumming.  Words cannot describe how amazing he is.  He brought depth to the role of the Emcee that I have never experienced, and it went from being a show that I didn’t care for with very little plot that meant anything to an actual story that I cared about.  He was flawless.  His improv was perfect, he was funny and charming, and while he was basically naked the whole time, I couldn’t take my eyes off of him.  Even when he wasn’t the focus, I just watched wherever he was.

Then….Stage Door Stalking.  We were not allowed to take pictures with Alan Cumming, but he came out and said hi and signed things and we still took pictures of him, just not of us with him.  I had the beyond brilliant conversation as follows:
Me:  Hi Alan Cumming I am reading your book and I read your other book too but I did not like that one I mean I liked it but not as much as this one.
Alan Cumming:  Thank you.
Me:  I did not mean that I did not like your other book, I just like this one better.
Alan Cumming:  I do, too.

Sigh.

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On Sunday Jane and I had our official “Meet Every Friend on Facebook For Coffee” date, and then went to Jane’s mom’s house for her (Jane’s) birthday dinner.  This is their dog, Bella.

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I went back to NYC on Monday by myself, on the Scary Bus.  I had four coffee dates!  I also pet roughly 20 dogs and saw about 50 of them.  It was fantastic.  I am going to detail my coffee dates (all of them, not just the NYC ones) in a separate part of my blog, so I will just talk about the time between coffee dates.

Hotel – very cool and modern, but very much like a New York apartment.  Here is the distance between my knees and the wall in the bathroom.

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Another MicroBathroom.  Also, there was a window from the bedroom (which was the bed plus about 6 inches on either side) into the shower/bathroom.  See?

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Here is the view from the bathroom into the bedroom.

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I basically spent all my time just wandering between coffee dates, and petting dogs.  When I got back to my hotel at night, it was FREEZING in the room.  The window had been open when I came in, and I shut it, so I knew it wasn’t that.  I tried turning the heat on, and just cold air came out.  So I called the People Who Fix These Things and they came up and said that the heat would not come on until it was below a certain temperature outside, and it was not yet below that temperature.  But then he looked at the window, and it was open at the top!  Who ever heard of such a thing, a window opening at the time.  I thought all the street noise was especially loud, but I knew I closed the window, so I figured the walls were just thin.  He closed the window and all was well and I offered him a Hershey Nugget and he did not accept.

Coming soon – Coffee Dates!  It will be its own section on the home page with a drop down menu.

This Post Is About A Lot Of Things.

There are Amish men building a new roof next door and it is extremely loud, but because I have superior sleeping powers, I slept through most of it.  Now that I am trying to watch tv, though, it is much more annoying.  Because I cannot hear the tv, you see.  So this tells me, Darcy, you should not watch tv, it is a lovely day and you should go for a walk.  So obviously, I am writing a blog post.

I am mostly over my Sociopath Series.  Mostly I just miss AJ’s cats a lot.  I do not have confidence that they are being given proper attention.  I know that he would never hurt them, but I do know that he would willingly leave them alone for most of the time to pursue a female person, and I do know that he never, ever stops pursuing female people.  So I fear they are sad and alone and I have no way of knowing if they are happy.  This next part is really, really weird, even for me – but also, AJ was the voice of Sabrina.  You know how you make your pets talk?  Well AJ was Sabrina’s voice.  He wasn’t always, before I knew him, but when he gained control of that aspect of my life and renamed her Smurf, he also became her voice.  But it was funny and cute, so it was ok.  After Sabrina died (this is the part that is weird even for me) it was a great comfort to me to make AJ talk in her voice, and to have “Sabrina” tell me she loves me and is ok.  I took it very seriously.  Knowing I will never hear Sabrina’s voice again has been causing me grief.  And then I realized that Sabrina’s Facebook page “liked” AJ’s actor page.  I felt like my own cat was betraying me from beyond the grave, and I could not remember her log in information.  AJ also posted as her, even though I set up the account.  He posted funny things and it would make me tremendously happy when I would be at my house, and he would be at his, and all of a sudden my cat would post something on my FB page (this was when she was alive).  I did not want Sabrina to “like” AJ’s actor page after the things he put me through, so of course, I panicked and completely freaked out.  Then a very lovely and kind young man who knows a lot about computers (and makes me realize how much I do NOT know) told me how to get back into Sabrina’s page and all is right with the world.  I do wish I could hear Sabrina’s voice again, though.

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In other news, it turns out that even though I am riddled with anxiety about every single thing in the world, and I spend 99% of my time thinking about animals who are suffering, biological warfare, terrorists, fire, etc, etc, I am actually one of the most calm people you could ever meet.  I found this out at work.  I have suspected it for some time, but my suspicions were confirmed when I was in a conference room with my supervisor and our reactions to the exact same thing were him jumping  up and down and saying “balls” and my reaction was “Ok, that’s fine”.  He was not freaking out, he was being super funny, but the core of our reactions was there – I was totally fine with anything thrown at me and it did not phase me in the least, and he….was phased (though completely able to take care of and fix anything that comes along).   I have a feeling people think I actually do not care because I do not get stressed out at work.  I DO care, I am just realistic.  We have 300 things to do and only 3 people available to do it?  Ok, we will all just work our asses off, do what we can, and that is the best that can happen.  It is something I can attempt to fix, but not control.  Now if the situation were that one person (or everyone) was completely slacking and not doing their job, I WOULD be stressed and I would take action to fix it, but there is no one like that where I work.  I know that people are doing everything they can, so I figure, why stress out about that when there is nothing I can do about it when I can be spending my time having anxiety attacks at the thought that I might someday have to fly in an airplane in the winter, or that there are animals without homes, or that I might get Ebola, or that those Isis people are bat shit crazy and want to behead us all, or that I might have to go to the grocery store and I HATE the grocery store, or that I might get kidnapped?  THOSE are worthy of my fear and anxiety!  I am…help me out with the word.  An oxymoron?  An anomaly?  A living breathing contradiction?  I am not sure, but all I know is that work does not stress me out in the least and I love it there.  I mean, really…Henry sticks his tongue out at stress.

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I am going to NYC and seeing Alan Cumming in Cabaret from amazingly awesome seats, and I will also be seeing the Goddess Idina Menzel and the adorable Anthony Rapp in If/Then and I WAS going to see The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime BUT I read that the point of the play is to have the audience experience Christopher’s sensory overload issues and thankyouverymuch I experience that quite enough on my own and do not need to be trapped in a theater having it forced upon me.  I am also going to have coffee with several people.  I have had my first Coffee Date, but I cannot decide if I want to make a physical scrapbook of my Coffee Dates, or if I want to make a section on my website for it.  So more to come on that, try to contain your excitement until I figure it out.

Oh and also in NYC, I will absolutely be stage door stalking the following people, whether or not I see the production they are in:  Alan Cumming, Idina Menzel, Anthony Rapp, Rupert Grint.  If I get a picture with Ron Weasley, I could probably die and be happy that I have accomplished everything I could have hoped for in my life.  If it is anything like the stage door when I saw Daniel Radcliffe in How to Succeed in Business, though, I may have to continue throughout life without that picture.

I am listening to a podcast by Librivox of Anne of Green Gables and it is very well read and all the voices are great except….Anne’s friend Diana Berry is read by like, an 82 year old woman.  It is the most off-putting thing ever.  I am not saying she is read by an adult trying to sound like a kid, I am saying that it is read by an elderly adult making no attempt to sound like a kid.  When Anne is talking to her about school and boys, and an 82 year old woman answers, it is just…really unsettling.

Meow Meow is sitting in the bay window watching leaves come down and it is super cute.  His little head follows them on their journey down to the ground.  Oh and also I got a squirrel to eat a peanut out of my hand and I pet him.  Here is Meow Meow watching a leaf:

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I left that one big because I like the colors in it.

I COOKED SOMETHING.  I made chicken in the crock pot and Jocelyn told me how to make it and I will now tell you, dear readers, how to make it and it is delicious.   You take the chicken, all raw and nasty and gross – oh but it should be boneless skinless chicken breasts, not like, actual nasty gross parts.  I did six of them.  So you put them in the crock pot and then dump Hidden Valley Ranch powder on them, and also you dump McCormick’s Chicken Gravy Powder on top of it and then you put a stick of butter on top of it and then I put it on low for 6 hours and it was the most tremendously amazing chicken I have ever consumed in my life.  Ever.  It does not actually make gravy which is good because I do not eat gravy, it just makes it have flavor.  Normally I am opposed to flavor of any kind, but in this case, it was very good.

The fish at work are bigger and they had babies again (they ate the first babies) and hopefully these babies will stick around.  I get to give them fish treats twice a week and basically it is a cube of frozen Sea Monkeys and I pour hot water on them to melt them (they do not come alive, they are still dead), and then I pour cold water in so I am not dumping hot water into the fish tank, and then I dump it in and the fish go crazy.  They also get brighter, which is very neat to see.  I do not have a picture of the fish to post.

Do you live in New York or Pennsylvania?  My NYC trip is November 7th – whenever I decide to come back (5-6 days), so I can galavant around that whole area and have coffee with you if you live in those states.