My Mom Wants Me To Eat Dog Treats.

My mom reads Guideposts and there is almost always an article that is in some way going to save my life.  This time the article was about a man and his dog named Vinny, and Vinny developed Diabetes and there were no treatments that were working and Vinny was basically dying a horrible slow death.  So the guy goes to sleep one night and wakes up and starts writing down ingredients, and he goes out and gets those ingredients, mixes them up, feeds them to the dog, and the dog became his old self and lived another 5 years or something.  So now the guy makes dog treats called Dia-Treaties (get it?) for dogs with Diabetes.  My mom wants me to eat these.  She got so excited about them, she called the man and interrogated him (to his credit, he is extremely nice and sincere), and he said they want to try it on humans.  It is still being tested for the FDA, but in the meantime, my mom literally wants to buy these dog treats and have me eat them.  So this is the e-mail I sent to the guy to at least find out what ingredients are in the dog treats.

“Hi there,

My mom would like me to eat your dog treats. I am a Juvenile Diabetic (for 22 years) and am on an insulin pump, completely insulin dependent. I am extremely wary of any supplements or “natural remedies” because my pancreas is a nonfunctioning organ and I do not believe there is any natural cure for Type 1 Diabetes. My mom is very excited and hopeful about your product, and talked to Kameron on the phone, but I am still skeptical.

Could you send me a list of the ingredients and are you actually testing this product on humans?

Thank you,

Also, my mom left the oven on…again…and when she got home my dad said “I figured it would be alright if I turned the oven off”.  My mom said “Shut up and go upstairs”.  My dad said “No really, I thought it would be ok”.  My mom said “Hold the railing and go up the stairs, leave me alone”.  My dad said “Ok, but when we get a new oven you are going to….” and my mom said “I know, Kenneth, hold the railing and go upstairs to bed”.  My dad said “But you don’t understand, when we get the new oven, I won’t know if it’s on or not because….” and my mom said “Goodnight Ken, hold the railing and go upstairs”

This video is the end of that conversation, my mom’s voice is coming from the living room.

I am about to update the quotes section, so go check that out, too, before you leave.

Oh and I went Rock Hunting again this past weekend in the Out Of Doors and was significantly less successful than the first time and also the next day my calves would not work.  It hurt tremendously.  That did not happen the first time.

Sometimes I accidentally see news and I hate that because I spend weeks dwelling on whatever I saw and right now I am dwelling on an elephant who was treated horribly and then he was rescued and he cried and it made me cry because I am happy he was rescued but there are so many animals who are in horrible situations and they are sad and scared and it makes my heart hurt and it makes me panic and I cannot save all the animals and I need to because it is all I think about and it is really just horrible and I cannot stand it that I cannot save all the animals.  And even worse, I hate the people who treat animals badly.  I am a nonviolent person but the things I would do to people who mistreat animals in any way – I would be able to.  I could summon up that violence and make them suffer.  FIFTY YEARS this poor elephant was tortured.  Here is the link.  I mean, I suppose it is a happy story because he is rescued and being treated fantastically, but all I can dwell on is all the sad animals in the world.


This Is My Post From Work.

I am on my break, I would like to clarify that.

Today Ken went on an office adventure and visited people and he sat on Kate’s shoulder and went in her hair (which is long and wavy, so he got pretty far in there).  Luckily, Ken did not poop on Kate.  And Ken has never peed on anyone at all, he has amazing self restraint in that department.  Really, he does not poop on people unless he is away from his cage for too long.

I need to think of something new for my Mystery Button, does anyone out there have any particularly weird talents they would like to send to me on video and you can be my Mystery Button?  The more I look at the word Mystery, the more it doesn’t look like a real word anymore.

Sabrina’s lessons are going well.  She knows how to high five and sit, and she is currently learning how to meow on command, because she has the cutest kitty voice ever.  In a choir of kitties, she would be a soloist.

Last night AJ was standing behind me, so naturally I grabbed his arms and leaned forward, pulling him up on my back so that his legs were dangling in the air.  It was really funny and somehow it made my back feel really nice, so I left him there.  After awhile, he wanted to get down but I wouldn’t let him, so he just had to hang there saying “Come on, please?  I have to go to bed!  Let me down!” and he would kick his little feet that were dangling in the air and it was funny.

My mom has become addicted to reality shows because we put a tv on her porch.  If I have not explained the porch yet, here it is – my mom smokes so we make her sit out on the porch.  It is a nice porch and we have a nice backyard to look at.  For awhile, she sat out there and read a book a day, but then she got bored.  My dad called the cable people and they came and put cable onto a tv on the porch and now my mom watches tv, which she never used to do because she hates it.  But now she watches Cupcake Wars, some Amish reality show, some show about Secret Princes, and…get ready for it…Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.  My dad freaks out saying the cable box will freeze on the porch in the winter, so he has come up with the idea of putting the tv INSIDE the house, facing out to the porch.  Then he will put wireless speakers on the porch.  Then my mom will have to sit facing the sliding glass doors that go into the house and watch her tv through the glass.  The mental image of my mom sitting in front of a glass door with a tv inside the house is…interesting.  For now she has decided to ward off any cold by surrounding the cable box with pillows.  Every day my dad says “It’s going to die!  The box will die!  We’ll need to get a new box, it’s going to freeze!” and every day my mom says “Ken, calm down!  It’ll be fine!  I’ll put a blanket over it”, to which my dad responds “A blanket??  It will catch on fire and we’ll all die, you’ll see.  And I’ll go first because my bedroom is above the porch.  It’ll cause a fire.  I don’t know what’s worse, the cable box freezing and having to buy a new one, or a fire!”  It’s the biggest commotion we have had in my house in quite awhile.  It is all very touch and go, you just never know when my dad is going to leap up from his giant Shaq sized chair and go onto the porch and tell my mom the cable box is going to freeze.

And hey, why don’t you just go on over and Ask the Darcy?  It was interesting there for awhile and now it’s all boring.