I Took My Dad On A Field Trip.

First, I would like to announce the return of the Ask The Darcy button. You can ask questions, suggest blog topics, ask me to go somewhere and do something and write a blog about it – you can send me a word, a color, a shape – you can send opinions or happy thoughts or whatever you want, and I will write a blog from it.  It is anonymous unless you specifically write your name.

Second, I took my dad Pokemoning.  I also took him out to dinner.

I tried to explain the Pokemon, and I think he is getting the hang of it.  We took over a gym, and we caught some guys, and evolved one.  He is having a hard time grasping the concept that they are only in the phone, they don’t like, hang out by a tree at the park and that’s how you find them.  I mean, he knows they aren’t there in real life, but he thinks that every time you pass that spot, that particular Pokemon will be right there.

We saw geese and ducks and dogs and we pet many of the dogs.

We also took this lovely picture.

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I demanded Starbucks after dinner, because I am an addict, and my dad refused to try my Pumpkin Spice Latte.  He isn’t aware of what a “basic bitch” is, but I think he sensed it would do something to his masculinity if he even tried it.  It was lovely and I enjoyed it very much.

At dinner the server asked me if she could see my tattoo (the Green Day one) and I pulled my shirt down and showed her.  She did not get the Green Day reference, but she thought it was really neat anyway.  Then when I went to pay, she asked if I am a Gryffindor, and without hesitation, I said “No, Hufflepuff” and she said “Oh, I’m Ravenclaw” and took my credit card.  My dad had zero idea what language we were speaking, and I could not figure out what made her ask, but then duh, I have a Gryffindor wallet that was sitting on the table.  When she came back, I told her they only had Gryffindor and Slytherin wallets, so I went with second best to Hufflepuff.  She shared my lament that there are not enough Hufflepuff things, because she has trouble finding Ravenclaw.  I gave her a huge tip.  Like, actually in retrospect, I gave her a 50% tip.

Right now I want lemonade very badly.

Have a lovely day.

I Had To Google Sierra Leone To Make Sure It Is In Africa.

I am not proud, but I did have to Google that.

So anyway,this is today up until now.  I am currently in my hotel being warm and sitting down.  Thanks to my coworker Sammi, my back is not killing me – but standing still for 3 hours while waiting in the TKTS line did some damage.  I WAS going to eat before I go see Fun Home, but…I am too comfortable.  I will eat after.

Here is a secret – I come here quite often, and I do it on my own, but I am actually REALLY bad at New Yorking.  I get all the tickets I want, I get good seats, and that is the most important part – but actually figuring out what to do or where to go between shows is lost on me.  This means I do not actually eat a lot while I am here because I do not know where to go to eat;  I take cabs and Uber a lot;  and I drink a shit ton of Starbucks because it is all I know how to do.

Today I left and walked halfway to Times Square (it is about 30 blocks from my hotel).  I stopped at North Face and got a scarf because I forgot mine at home and I do not have a real winter coat and I was cold.  While at North Face an Asian  man was WIGGING OUT on the employees about the price of something.  My Customer Service Heart went out to the employees who had to deal with him.  He was gesturing emphatically.

Then I also got tired, so I Ubered the rest of the way.  I went to Starbucks, because that is what I know.  Then I stood in line at the TKTS booth and convinced a lady to see Disaster, and another to see Something Rotten and I talked a couple OUT of seeing An American in Paris.  ThenI talked with people from California who have a dog in the Westminster dog show.  I told them to find my people at the show, since we have a booth there.  The lady next to me was wearing business shoes.  Like, flats?  I guess that is what they are called?  And her feet were freezing so she put her gloves on her feet and started dancing and it was funny.

After three hours, I got my ticket and then did not know what to do.  So I went to Starbucks again.  Then I decided I was so cold, I just wanted to go back to my hotel, and I tried to get an Uber but they could not find me and I did not know where I was, and then I tried to get a cab but I fail at getting cabs.  It was so cold at this point that my glucometer would not work because it was too cold to function.

After 45 minutes, a cab guy stopped and said he is only supposed to pick up people from the hotel that was behind me, but I looked pathetic and I should get in.  I did, and he said I was pretty and he did not like to see a pretty lady looking pathetic.  He also said he was looking for a wife.  So we’re married now, and I live with him.  HA.  Not really.  I told him where I wanted to go and asked where he was from because he was listening to French people talking on the radio.  He said Sierra Leone.  I said I took French in high school and do not remember any of it.  He said if I marry him, he could teach me.

There was a bag blowing around in the street but it looked like a pigeon flopping around and I yelled “That pigeon needs help!” and then I said “Oh wait, that is a bag” and he did not say anything.

Then he dropped me off where he said I was right near my hotel, but I knew I was not, but I got out anyway and walked the remaining three blocks because I am not outspoken enough to tell a cab driver “This is not actually the place I wanted to go to.”  I did not want to offend my husband.

Let us take a moment to consider that I AM outspoken enough to tell everyone in the TKTS line exactly what they should see based on my assessment of their personality and my ability to match a show to their exact personality type, but I am NOT outspoken enough to tell a cab driver, whose job it is to take me to the right place, that he has taken me to the wrong place.

While walking I saw many dogs, which made me happy.  I considered peeing on myself just to make my legs warm and less numb.  I started making plans for what would happen if I just stopped and laid down on the ground and cried for a little bit.  Then I got to my hotel.

I am currently stuck in my hotel because I cannot face the weather.  And I also cannot face attempting to get another cab to take me to the Fun Home theater.  I will leave at some point, but my lack of getting up has forced me to have dinner after the show instead of before the show.  You know what this means?  I will be having Starbucks for the third time today before the show, just so my stomach does not growl and interfere with others’ enjoyment of Fun Home.

I will also tell you a little bit about what it is like to be in NYC with a Type 1 Diabetic who does not live here.  The blood sugar goes down, the Pepsi and cookies are consumed, the blood sugar goes up, the insulin is taken, the blood sugar goes down, the Pepsi and cookies are consumed, the blood sugar goes up, the insulin is taken….it is a never ending cycle, and because I am REALLY bad at predicting what exercise will do to my blood sugar level (it lowers it, but I always underestimate how much it lowers it), I end up with low blood sugar a lot.  But then I get really paranoid because if my blood sugar is high, sure, I will not die as easily, but then my eyes get blurry and I do not want to have blurry eyes while watching theater.  So I take insulin to make sure my eyes are not blurry, and then my blood sugar goes low again.  If I lived here, I assume I would have figured all this out by  now.

This is the dramatic interlude between more posts with lots of pictures.

If You Are My Facebook Friend You Must Read This.

I have a new idea.  I always have ideas and then they kind of fizzle out.  Like that time I wanted to send letters to everyone and I only sent a few letters to a few people.

This time I have decided that throughout the next five years I am going to meet each of my FB friends at a Starbucks and have coffee.  I do not care how much we do not know each other, or do not remember each other, we are sitting down for at least 15 minutes and enjoying a beverage.  I will meet you where you live, except for you, Mo, because I will not go to Israel.  We can meet somewhere neutral like Switzerland.  Everyone else, I will come to you.  My only requirement is that you write a brief description of how we meet/how you know me.  And that you take a selfie with me.  Maybe I will write a book.  I might make you sign a release form.  Probably not, though.  I will probably just start a new section on my blog called Starbucks Selfies.  EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU WILL BE SUBJECT TO THIS.  We can meet and stare at each other if we actually do not know each other well enough to have anything to talk about, we can play a game of Scrabble, we can chat, we can color pictures for each other.  I am open to anything.

This also applies to people I see everyday and know well.  Oh, and if you do not remember how we met, either make something up or just say you do not remember, because I cannot remember how I met some of you.

So there is my project.  Sometime within the next five years, expect a message from me with a link to this blog and an invitation.

Also, tonight my mom suddenly appeared and said we had to go to Malley’s to get chocolate so I put my shoes on and got in the car and sat there for a good four minutes.  I honked my horn which I never do because I was getting very anxious waiting and kind of spazzing out and it turns out she was making coffee.  In an actual mug, not a travel mug.  For our 5 minute trip to Malley’s.  It was funny.

Prepare for coffee.

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