Toilet Paper

Whoa dude, it has been one long ass time since I posted anything, right?  The thing is, I only post when I am angry, annoyed, inspired by something….or my parents have done something especially insane.  So it has been pretty boring lately?  Not really, but just not interesting enough to post, I guess.  I have some new quotes (see the quotes section), and the thing that inspired today’s post – parental videos.  

Specifically, my parents have gone insane over toilet paper.  

Oh but wait, before I do that, I have to say that I am really annoyed at Jenny McCarthy…again.  She convinced a bunch of mindless people that vaccines cause autism, right?  Then she is on her reality show, which I only watch because Donnie Wahlberg, and she is handling raw chicken – just putting her hands all the hell over that stuff – and then she touched her phone, her computer, HER MOUTH, and basically everything in her kitchen.  So she is totally ok with contaminating her family with raw chicken germs, but not ok with vaccinating them.  I never thought she was a smart person, but, just ew.  That is gross.  I wash my hands after looking at raw chicken, and then periodically during the chicken cooking process and then after I have eaten the freaking chicken.  

Ok but then my parents are crazy. 

Then, there is the only time my dad used the F-Bomb.  Not in the video.  The video is just my mom telling the story about my dad dropping the F-Bomb about toilet paper. 

And last but not least, the science behind everything. 

I hate it when Artie on Glee raps. 

My dad hid my water bottle in the back of the refrigerator, and strategically placed a bunch of stuff in front of it.  When I said “Where is my water bottle” he said “It’s in the refrigerator” and it took me five minutes to find it.  I said “You did that on purpose”.  He said “There’s too much stuff in there, you can’t find anything, there’s nowhere to put anything”.  I could probably link to about ten posts where I have discussed my dad’s insanity about the refrigerator and freezer being too full.  The thing is, they are not full.  There is plenty of room.  I have about 6 bottles of flavored water and that is enough to drive him insane.  Then I have my water bottle that is refillable.  That is the one he hid. 

The thing about my parents is that if you are not actively using something AT THAT MOMENT, they think it needs to be thrown out.  My mom even made an entire “cleaning system” based on this.  I am totally serious.  Back in the 80’s – the very early 80’s – she was on tv and everything for “Maureen’s Method”.  People purchased it.  The number one thing was if you have not used something in a year, you get rid of it.  I am not by any means a hoarder, I do not have a lot of things, but I have things that I have not used in a year and still want to keep!  I do not actively read every book I own, but that does not mean I will not want to reread a book in a year or two.  Plus, it is physically impossible to read like, 800 books at one time.  It just is.  It is impossible.  So I am not going to just get rid of everything, that is crazy.  

I made scrambled eggs for a dog we were dog sitting, and she did not eat them.  I put them in the fridge.  My mom said “You’re never going to use those” and I said “Yes I am” and she said “You aren’t, you are going to put them in there and they will just sit there, either use them or throw them out”.  So I threw out a giant plate of scrambled eggs.  A few hours later, it was time for the dog to eat again, so I made new scrambled eggs.  I said “It sure would be nice if I had leftover eggs to microwave” and my mom insisted that she never said that and the incident never happened and that I just went crazy and threw out eggs.  

My dad enforces the “not actively using something at that moment” ideal by taking things like coffee cups 3/4 full that you were drinking but set down for a minute because you do not chug coffee, and he takes them and puts them in the dishwasher.  You made the mistake of not actively drinking that coffee.  He has done that to people at parties and gatherings of all sorts.  

My cat is adorable. 

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This cat is also super cute, and he is up for adoption!  You may adopt him, just comment here and I will tell you how.  

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