I Can Not Feel My Tongue Because Of Pineapple.

I just ate 3/4 of a pineapple (I cut the hard part on the outside off first) and now I can not feel my tongue.  It burns.  “They taste like burning” – if you can name the person who said that quote and in what context, post it in the comments and I will give you a prize.  And on your honor, you MAY not look it up on the internet.

In super cool news, Laurie Notaro posted on my Facebook wall on my birthday and then responded to my post about how cool that was AND THEN responded to a completely unrelated post!  Laurie Notaro is my BFF.  Or at least I want her to be.  That would be awesome.  At the very least, her husband could have a talk with AJ about what his future will be like.  There are big differences between me and Laurie Notaro, though, and that is that she is crafty and can make things and I can not.  Her mother might possibly be a smidge crazier than mine (but there are really arguments for both sides on this one).  She has a successful writing career, and she has a hobo.  Or at least she had one, last I heard, she had to ask him to leave.  I have never had a hobo, but I did have a schizophrenic.  His name is Frank and when I worked at Half Price Books he came in every day.  I felt bad for him so I was extra nice to him, and then one day he grabbed my arm and kissed me on the cheek and after that it was very awkward.  Thankfully, I moved on to another company shortly after that, so it did not have to be awkward for long.  Strange men grabbing my arm (forcefully, I might add) and kissing me on the cheek at Half Price Books is not anything out of the ordinary, though.  There was a Russian man who was always looking for Helmut Newton books (erotic art) and we called him “NO” because of the way he would say “NO”.  This is not at all entertaining unless you say “NO” in a very heavy Russian accent.  Anyway, he grabbed my arm forcefully on several occasions and held my hand while I squirmed away, and then he finally planted one on my cheek.  After that I kept the buy counter between us whenever he came in.  He was about 5 feet tall and looked like Mr. Magoo but damn was he strong.  He really enjoyed the Erotic Art section.  So being kissed on the cheek by a schizophrenic and a Russian really is not surprising, but it WAS surprising when a black woman who I helped was so happy to find her books that she put them down and pulled me in for a very….breast enhanced…hug.  Face, meet boobs.  She was extremely nice, though, so it was only somewhat horrific.  Thankfully, I have not been hugged or kissed at my new company yet, but it would not surprise me if a random person walked into the office, over to my desk, planted one on me and left.

Oh, someone asked a question via Ask the Darcy button, but it was really short, so I did not want to make a whole post out of it.

are there any animals you do not like and what did they ever do to you?

The answer is no, there are no animals I do not like.  There are some I would prefer not to have an encounter with, but there is not a single animal I do not like.

Is it possible to go into anaphylactic shock from eating 3/4 of a pineapple?  Because I think I am.  I think my tongue is bigger than it should be and my throat feels funny.  My tongue is definitely bigger than it should be.

Why are Halloween costumes all meant to make a person be more naked than costumed?  I tried finding a raven costume and this is what came up:

That is not a freaking raven, a raven is a scary bird with huge wings and a really sharp pointy beak and talons that could scratch your eyes out.  This picture is of a street walker. A prostitute.  A lady of the night.  Not a raven.  Maybe a prostitute doing an artistic rendering of a pornographic raven, but definitely not a raven.

I made business cards with my website on them, so you should totally tell me where you live and I will send you some and then you can go up to random people and hand them out.  I think that is a good idea.  Refrain from posting your address on my website, though, because I am sure you would end up getting more in the mail than my business cards.  HEY – I bet I would get more people on my site if I used that Raven picture on my business card!  “Come for Sexy Raven Lady, stay for the rambling and occasionally incoherent thoughts of a nonSexy nonRaven lady”.

I am getting very angry at live cams that feature animals, but every time I look, the animals are elsewhere.  One time I was looking at an African Safari live cam that points at a pond or watering hole of some sort, and it is not totally live, it takes a picture every 30 seconds, and I looked and there was nothing there, and then it refreshed and there was an elephant.  That was pretty awesome.  I took a screen shot of it.  

I mean, seriously.  You are bored, you are lying in bed waiting to fall asleep, and BOOM, there is a freaking elephant on your semi-live Africa cam.  It was awesome.  And there is also that deer-like animal that blends in with the grass.  And once I saw zebras.  Or something like a zebra.

I am addicted to the game Bananagrams.

And do this.